For all the cute talk about its five-word acceptance speeches, last night's Webby Awards — the so-called Oscars of the Internet — were long. And we're not talkin' real Oscars long — the Webby Awards were longer. To put it in perspective, the five-and-a-half-hour celebration at Cipriani Wall Street was roughly seven minutes longer than the entire Beastie Boys discography — Licensed to Ill-To The 5 Boroughs — and roughly 315 minutes longer than LonelyGirl's fame.

Yet the Webby Awards are probably the only place where the founders of YouTube have more red carpet cache ("Chad and Steve won't be taking any questions tonight, thanks") than the Beasties ("Ask whatever you want, just no flash photography, please").

The show was so long, ex-Daily Shower Rob Corddry, the master of ceremonies, passed over a winner who didn't immediately appear at the podium. "Fuck 'em," Corddry said.

The sheer number of speeches rendered most forgettable, but a few stood out: Treehugger founder Graham Hill's green advice ("Don't shit where you eat"); Nick.com's plea for a future audience ("Have sex, make more kids"); Salon.com's newspaper diss ("the Pulitzers are history"); NYTimes.com's Dealbook ("Hey Rupert, we're available — call"); and CNet, which honored its late editor ("This one's for James Kim").

David Bowie, accepting a lifetime achievement Webby, spent a Prince-like minute onstage for his: "I only get five words? Shit, that was five. Four more there. That's three. Two."

Oh, very clever, Ziggy Stardust. Very clever indeed.

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