Where are the lesbian kisses? The mud-wrestling? The thinly veiled stripper interviews and good-natured come-ons? Someone fast-forward Howard's life, because he clearly HATES WAITING FOR SIRIUS so much that his show has ground to a halt:

This morning, Howard's WXRK 8am hour featured Crackhead Bob singing along to some John Mellencamp; the intentionally lame comedy stylings of trailer-home-livin' Kenneth, who made jokes about the posteriors of cats; and Howard lusting after Avril Lavigne on the air while interviewing her dimwit boyfriend Derek Whibley of Sum 41. Oh, and Howard also carried a picture of Paris Hilton in his wallet, commented favorably on Paris' poorly directed (and acted) sex video and states that he'd "do her," just as Derek once did. Hey, who didn't? Tame. So tame.

Howard has promised that his new tenure at Sirius will bring x-rated, uncensored radio. By contrast, that must mean that until then, he'll deliberately anger his loyal fans by pretending he's as plain as Lawrence Welk.