Looking for a surefire way to quell that queasy feeling you get in your stomach when the Dow Jones plummets 500 points in a single trading day? Try decoupage! Discounted pseudodecoupage, that is. Now hitting Target store shelves nationwide is John Derian's new, limited-edition line of antiquey homegoods—flora- and fauna-sprinkled picture frames, melamine plates, vases, photo albums, magnets, and such—for the style-conscious discount retailer. Gina Sprenger, Target's senior vice president for merchanidising, describes Derian's stationery and home decor items as "breathtaking and original" pieces that "feel like one-of-a-kind creations." But they're priced like ones produced on a massive industrial scale: from from $1.99 for tissue paper to $29.99 for a large vase painted with a leafy motif. Here at UnBeige HQ, we're using the charming alphabet tray (pictured above, at right) to serve recession-themed cocktails (ice-cold tap water and a dropperful of blue food coloring, garnished with a colorful umbrella).

New York City-based Derian is known for his whimsical decoupage art, which looks to be sourced from a musty encyclopedia found at the estate sale of a kooky common cousin of Albertus Seba and William Morris. His work has the power to convince even the most zen clutterphobe that now is the time to invest in an agglomeration of art-adorned paperweights, urns, coasters, and decorative plates. "I was excited to share my work with a larger audience and Target has helped me to do that," writes Derian on his company's website. "I hope those that collect my work will see these pieces as a complement to items they may already own."

It may be the first day of August, but there's still plenty of time to attend a Stitch N' Pitch if you're so inclined. Just think - you can bring your embroidery or knitting needles and crochet hooks, sit down amongst like-minded friends, stitch away, and enjoy the ballgame. It's likely you won't pay attention to the game too much, you'll be so engrossed in getting that lace stitch just right, but if you're truly living in the moment, you'll just sit back, relax, have a beer or two, and gossip about the cute players on the field even if you really don't know that much about baseball. Here are some upcoming Stitch N' Pitch events: Aug. 5, Philadelphia Phillies; Aug. 5, Toronto Blue Jays; Aug. 6, Chicago White Sox; Aug. 7 Seattle Mariners; Aug. 9, Colorado Rockies; Aug. 10, Detroit Tigers; Aug. 24, Arizona Diamondbacks; Sept. 7, Kansas City Royals; Sept. 14, Oakland Athletics; Sept. 14, Los Angeles Angels at Anaheim; Sept. 25, New York Mets. If you can't make it to the ballpark, you'll can always be there in spirit with this hat.

We wrote about the Knitting Olympics yesterday. Apparently that's not the only competition in the sweater- and mitten-making world. There's the Yarn Smackdown, which sounds a little sweaty and less peaceful than the event organized by Yarn Harlot. Here's the deal with the smackdown (which organizers claim is the "largest and most organized death-by-knitting and death-by-crocheting tournament in the world"): the lace and Olympic-themed competition has 12 events: beginner sock, advanced sock, bookmark, dishcloth, knitted animal, scarf, knitted stole, crochet stole, amigurumi, crochet hat, granny square, and the food fight event. (We especially look forward to the last event.)

Sign-ups are open until midnight on July 31 (that's today, folks). The "games" begin on August 8. There is no fee. Knitters and crocheters can sign up at the website. The knitter or crocheter with the most points wins. Bring home the gold! We're not settling for a silver for even a bronze when there are so many talented U.S. knitters and crocheters.

This is Mary Beth Klatt, once again filling in for the intrepid Steve Delahoyde for the rest of the week. While he's busy doing a Funny Ha Ha reading among other things, this writer is focused on more important things, let getting ready for the 2008 Knitting Olympics. Instead of flexing muscles in the gym, thousands of knitters everywhere are sharpening their knitting needles and replenishing the yarn stash for this challenge of skill, stamina, the thrill of standing on the winner's stand and saying, "I did it. I won." This Olympiad of the crafty variety, alas, does not take place in smoggy Beijing, but rather on the Internet. In 2006, it was led by the fearless Yarn Harlot otherwise known as Stephanie Pearl McPhee. We can't find this year's rules just yet, but here's what we found for 2006. And the results. Let this all inspire you to greatness and the gold. Yes, it's quite within the rules to start swatching now, that's considered "training."

It's the "Summer of the Bicycle" in the Dutch city of Eindhoven, but no way was the hometown of the design academies of design academies going to settle for pedaling drowsily up and down the Lichtplein. Instead, they erected a roller-coaster for bikes, out of used wooden scaffolding no less (watch out for splinters...and imminent death!). The "sensational roller coaster for daring bikers" was conceptualized and nailed together by artist Lagombra (a.k.a. Anders Jakobsen) and is a project of the MU Art Center, which is sponsoring its exhibit amidst office buildings through July 27, which overlaps with Friday's European Championship for bike couriers, also in Eindhoven. MU invites helmet-wearing and "experienced mountain bikers and BMXers to come and master the track," at your own risk, of course. And that's just the beginning of the dangerous fun! Also on view is "Fundamentals," an exhibition about the "legal and less legal ways of using our playgrounds." And to think we've always considered jumping off of moving swings daring!

As New York City--nay, the world--gears up for the International Contemporary Furniture Fair, our friends at the American Craft Council (the organization behind American Craft magazine, among other beautifully made initiatives) are hosting the first in a summer series of conversations "in craft and beyond" in the council's historic library in SoHo. Kicking off the series this Thursday will be Tyler Hays of the New York- and Philadelphia-based furniture company BDDW, who will discuss "the beginnings of his company, his unique and often awe-inducing designs, and the company's relationship with industry and the handmade," according to Monica Hampton, director of education for the American Craft Council. The talk is entitled "The Industrial Complex," which makes us think of Dwight D. Eisenhower, if Ike had been less less enamored with the military and more with heirloom-quality handmade furniture and hand-rubbed dark oil finishes.

Later this summer, jeweler, educator, writer, and provocateur Bruce Metcalf and crafty graphic designer and artist Chanel Kennebrew will chat about the complicated relationships between the broad spectrum of craft makers. Come September, things get political, when Murketing's Rob Walker leads a conversation with makers Sabrina Gschwandtner and Liz Collins on craft's relationship to politics, strange bedfellows to be sure, but beneath a lovingly hand-embroidered duvet. The talks, and the wine and (we suspect) artisanal cheese receptions that follow them are free, but you've got to RSVP, and fast. American Craft editor-in-chief Andrew Wagner tells us that spots are going fast.

Not many in the U.S. even know what a milliner is. It's not someone in the military. No, it's someone who knows how to make hats! Millinery or hat-designing is a profitable, full-time business for many in Europe and Australia. Ask Philip Treacy. (You need a fashionable hat to win a prize at the local horse races.) Here in the U.S., you have to travel wide and far to learn more about the hat biz. If you're in the Midwest, you're in luck. Talented Chicago milliner Laura Hubka will be heading up a workshop at Judith M Millinery in Lagrange, Ind. on July 18 and 19. For the uninitiated, she will be teaching unorthodox things to do with the leftover pieces of straw hatbodies, sinamay, and felt. You can try your hand at creating a whimsey (whatever that is) or birdcage veil. If all else fails, you can make elaborate flowers, leaves and other trims out of scraps. The number of participants is limited, so put your thinking cap on and figure out your vacation plans now.

It's hard to believe that on the first day of May that summer is on its way. Soon the heat will be bearing down like you wouldn't believe, and you won't be able to shed your layers and slap on the fake tanner fast enough. Which brings this writer to the next topic. What hobbies do you explore during the summer? Is jewelry-making wise at the beach? Knitting a wool blanket smart to do at a family picnic? We're thinking there's a happy medium somewhere. We personally like the notion of knitting something lightweight in a cotton fiber. So we were naturally thrilled when the Summer edition of Interweave Knits came across our way while at a local knitting shop the other day. Of course, we had to check out Interweave's Knitting Daily blog, headed up by Sandi Wisehart, to see how what's inside the magazine's glossy page actually fits real people (in other words, not paid models.) It's fascinating to see how apparel fits different human beings in this case, actual Interweave employees in a range of sizes. For example, the drawstring raglan by Margery Winter, looks great on this staffer, but not so great on Sandi. This particular garment with its lacy edging actually fit Bertha the dress form, best.

Martha Stewart might be a little bit behind the curve since the ombre (shaded fabric) trend has been with us for more than a few nanoseconds already this year, but if you're not sick of skirts, dresses, and shoes that look like they've been dipped into an ink bottle, here are some crafty projects for your home with that same theme. While this shot here it is just a little too blue and depressing for our taste, we did like the simplicity of dyed linen panels hanging on a wall in another picture on this page. Go take a look, you know you want to. (Thank you, Craftzine.com, for the heads-up.)