Sorry, “Lunch Decoys.”

It’s true, we spend most of our waking hours spent staring at a glowing screen in our tiny cubicles while our company’s C-Suite execs dine at trendy lunch spots like some scene from American Psycho (or so we imagine). The sad part is, we feel guilty leaving our desks for more than 10 minutes grab food because THERE’S WORK TO BE DONE and IT BETTER GET DONE OR SOMEONE’S GONNA GET YELLED AT. So we spend the lunch hour quietly shoveling handfuls of Subway into our mouths while the 1 percent-ers are living it up at the local Applebee’s. If only we could get Otto the Autopilot from Airplane! to take over the controls for a little bit.

Well, CP+B and Applebee’s are finally taking pity on white collar mid-level you, offering inflatable “Lunch Decoys” at $6.99 plus shipping and handling. Seriously, they are actually selling these things through Amazon in six convenient combinations of gender and skin color. So, when you question whether your white elephant gift was actually under $20, now you know: It was $6.99 plus shipping and handling.

Visit the “Lunch Decoy” microsite here, and I guess I’ll see you at Applebee’s. Beware the hamburger-mocking hipsters who will show up ironically.