Ha!

You work at an agency, and for some reason you have the word ‘executive’ in your title. This causes you alarm because you’re only 23, but let’s not get mired in details. You need to impress the boss, a goal that is only hampered by the fact that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing (don’t worry, neither does anyone else), and that every time you talk someone threatens to fire you. You better get some tools, fast. Luckily, you have a smartphone. Here’s the quintessential app list for you, Mr./Ms./Mrs./pansexual advertising account executive.

1. CNBC Real Time

As an advertising person, you make decisions (haha, no you don’t) based on real time info. Strategy, research, data; these are more than just words you remember from high school and sometimes hear in meetings, they’re actual things people create/do/collect as part of their jobs. But not you, because you’ve got CNBC Real Time.

Fire up this app when you need to impress that client with your counting skills (standing record for an account exec: 147) or when the boss lady walks by. Read the words you find in this app, and literally repeat them verbatim during meetings for an extra dose of savvitude. Whip out CNBC-RT in the elevator when you want to make that girl from strategy think twice about letting you have her digits, because nothing says “Do Me” like quarterly earnings reports and IPO valuations, am I right? I’m right.
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Create a social media strategy, launch your campaign, and track the results in our Social Media Marketing Boot Camp starting February 16. The online event and workshop will feature speakers including The Onion‘s Baratunde Thurston (left), Facebook’s Morin Oluwole, and bitly’s Tim Devane. Register now.

Hey, if a five-year-old can offer her initial impressions on some of our most notable brandmarks, why can’t an eight-year-old play astute Super Bowl critic? Well, it looks like the folks at Salt Lake City-based Crowell Advertising decided to run with that premise as you can see in the clip above, which features a young lad named Arturo who gives us his take on various spots from the big game. The consensus? Many of the ads were “stupid” and then some. It’s not quite as cute as the brandmarks effort, but we appreciate this kid’s honesty and feedback. We just hope we don’t see 50 more of these types of child-starring projects roll out in the coming weeks/months before they eventually lose all their charm.

Judging by the fact that millions of people have probably called in sick today (and millions more are probably just showing up to the office), we can’t say we disagree with a new Coke Zero campaign calling to make the day after Super Bowl Sunday a federal holiday dubbed, er, Magnificent Monday. Well, the name could use some tweaking, but we’re on board with this effort from CP+B. On the social media front, the beverage brand is asking the Twitterverse to log on and submit ideas on how to make this holiday happen using the hashtag #magmonday. We have faith that this could become reality in the coming years, folks, so let’s get to it already. Credits after the jump.

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Barring any earth-shattering, groundbreaking addition to this tiring meme, we assure you that we will put the Shit blah blah says to bed with this submission from New York-based shop Bold Worldwide. We’re imagining the dialogue within isn’t too overstretched, but if folks at agencies really talked like this on a regular basis, it makes us that much more proud/relieved to be working from the outside looking in. Play on, players.

 

Seeing as Mitt Romney‘s tax returns have got the media’s full attention this week, why not keep with the political theme and highlight a rather timely site that just sprouted up called Romney & Me. If you were ever wondering how your salary translates in the GOP candidate’s world, look no further than this web destination that will do all the calculating for you. For instance, you can learn how long it would take ol’ Mitt to earn your yearly wage, and how much you’d save were you to be taxed at his rate. It’s simple, snarky and just a little side-project from Tim McCormack (a VML ACD/writer), Danny Adrain (BBDO NY art director) and Kesal Patel (BBDO NY techie).

As we continue shouting TGIF this morning after what’s been a seemingly dragging week, we have this image for you that tells you all you need to know when it comes to perception in the four corners of the agency world. We’re not sure who’s behind this or how long it’s been floating around the web, but we love getting random, fun links like these. Take a gander below. Full-size image can be viewed here.

 

 

 

Every once in a while, we receive a gem like this that comes to us from anonymous contributors. We love, we hate and we show indifference at times to the fact that we attempt to cover your favorite industry, but perhaps this person of interest who sends this to us anonymously can make you remember why you possibly maybe love advertising. Read on…

Advertising. It’s the best! OK maybe it “*can’t be trusted*”, but it can show you how to *find your outer sexy* and *pick up your life (also above)* , you fucking loser! If advertising can help the world this much, it must be even better to work in. Here’s some reasons I just invented to illustrate my point:

10. Business casual = pajamas

9. Get to continue ignoring all world’s problems

8. “Communications Degree” actually counts for something

7. A step above PR, stripping

6. Get to inventify words, wear flannel

5. Getting high at work somehow totally acceptable

4. Problem of how to make a lot of money for doing nothing, solved

3. Winning awards easier than in T-ball

2. Paid to look at internet all day

1. Make more money than your smart-ass dentist brother, until he gets out of dental school

At this point, you’ve more than likely been inundated with the seemingly endless amount of “Shit that (This Type of Person) Says” videos popping up on YouTube every minute. It’s hard to believe that it’s only been just over a month since the first “Shit that Girls Say” video (itself a ripoff of the “Shit My Dad Says” Twitter feed) sparked this giant meme. So, what do you get when an idea gets so worn out that each new “spin” on it is met with a reflexive groan? Well, you obviously get people in the advertising industry jumping on board.

Above, we have “Shit that Project Managers Say,” a journey through one of the most thankless jobs in advertising. It’s PMs’ duty to keep unrealistic creative concepts in check, while simultaneously being forced to kiss the client’s ass. With these two terrible responsibilities in mind, the desk wine and bathroom sobbing shouldn’t come as much of a surprise, should they?

In an instance of monumental serendipity, as this post was being written, we were sent “Shit Media People Say” from Chicago’s Spark Communications. Who are were to refuse the wishes of the email inbox gods? Watch that video below.

In case you needed a fill of Friday filler, look no further than this: Draftfcb’s Chicago office (which is celebrating the weekend by picking up some new biz, we imagine) is holding an all-agency competition that “encourages employees to submit ideas that drive agency culture.” One employee, whose name is yet to be determined, came up with the idea of a pony (we would go with bull, bronco, Tebow, etc. maybe) and as you can see above, a 55o lb. little one named “Patti Cakes” was wheeled into the branch. From what we’ve been told, this particular mascot idea is “short-lived.” Damn, we were really rooting for you, Patti, but once her time comes to an end, the top five idea generators are going to each nab $1,000 during an announce at an all-agency meeting later this month. What ideas do you suggest for a Draftfcb mascot?

From Zero Zero Four condoms and Cleveland-based agency Marcus Thomas comes the above TV spot, part of a new integrated campaign called “Fatherhood.” The campaign aims to teach adult males from 18-34 an important life fact: Aside from disease, the worst byproduct of unprotected sex is children.

Children are a joy if you’re a masochist. After about nine months waging war with mothers’ bodies, children arrive in the world completely unable to care for themselves. After gaining the slightest amount of independence (i.e. walking and talking), they become disrespectful and destructive, similar to the children in the above spot. Then, they start smelling, as the idea of hygiene seems foreign and confusing to their poorly wired little brains. Finally, they reach their teenage years, where they become unbearable and irrational pricks. Then, if you’re lucky, they head off to college, where they will inevitably make the same condom-less mistake you did. Enjoy, grandpa.

Playing the “accidental father” angle is nothing new. If you’ll recall, ZaZoo Condoms had a somewhat similar concept in 2003, one that led to a Cannes Silver Film Lion that year for Belgium-based agency Duval Guillaume Antwerp. The threat of child rearing is indeed a smart fear to exploit when targeting young males who generally feel invincible. But, perhaps the all infant imagery isn’t the best idea when advertising “the thinnest, most sensitive condoms you can buy.” Credits after the jump.

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