What The…?

With the season of love/loneliness upon us, W+K Portland has its design studio in the holiday spirit with a series of letterpress Valentine’s Day cards.

Now, these cards aren’t of the “I Choo-Choo Choose You” variety. No, most of these are best for expressing your cupidity with octopi “hugging,” rabbits ready to pounce on one other or text messages declaring, “I Fucking Love You.”

So, if your significant other is tired of soft-focus photos of roses or pictures of Spider-Man saying, “I’m caught in your web, Valentine,” adorning your cards, consider switching it up this year. Hopefully, we’ll get Terry Crews in a romantic Old Spice spot as we near the 14th. Check out one more Valentine card after the jump.

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If you’ll recall, in an effort to keep morale high and the employees’ creative juices flowing, the powers that be at Draftfcb decided to have an all-agency competition that encouraged employees “to submit ideas that drive agency culture.” Most notable out of the 323 ideas submitted to the competition? A 550 lb. white pony named “Patti Cakes” to star as the agency’s new mascot. Invigorating, no?

Of course, we couldn’t leave our dear readers with a cliffhanger. We’re sorry to announce that, no, “Patti Cakes” is not DraftFCB’s new official equine mascot. But, at least the agency did give us the above video tribute to “Patti Cakes,” featuring Elton John‘s “Live Like Horses” and Laid Back’s coked-up ’80s electro track, “White Horse.”

One of the other ideas, “creating an interactive billboard on the side of the agency,” was announced as the winner during Thursday night’s agency town hall-style meeting. The five idea runners-up included “developing an app to easily track time while working on multiple projects,” “seeking out small, local clients to work for on a pro-bono-like basis (they’d serve as creative incubators),” “turning our coffee bar into a happy hour bar every day” and “transforming the agency’s spiral staircase into a slide.” Really? The slide idea didn’t win?

The Tumblr wellspring continues to flow in the new year as we’ve been tipped to another offering, which comes to us from one Tofer Moran, who currently serves as an art director/designer at San Francisco shop Heat. Moran, who recently worked on the FIFA Soccer 12 work starring Steve Nash, Landon Donovan and Tim Lincecum among other spots, is offering up his naughty discoveries on a Tumblr destination called, what else, “Accidentally Finding Porn.” It appears that Getty Images has been a boon to the AD, who’s been collecting various images on said site over the last few weeks.

According to a message from the man himself, “Sometimes you’re just looking for images of handicapped kittens riding a unicorn on a rainbow slide  (to show diversity) and you somehow end up looking at nipples.” Enough said. And as you can imagine, the site is fairly NSFW.

This is just how Abstrakt Marketing Group out of St. Louis rolls according to a verse busted by creative director Erich Krause, aka Hype Dawg, at the agency’s holiday party. Mr. Dawg proclaims that Abstrakt is “the place to be” and, hey, at least looks like his audience is having fun in between frames. Let’s see Hoffman/Lewis or any of their other “dangerously creative” St. Lunatics display “mad flava” like this.

…And so we veer from the good to the, um, we’re not sure what. On December 16, 2010, we were sent an anonymous tip with the words “Worst holiday card ever” followed by a mysterious link. It was then that we were introduced to MRM’s holiday video, featuring WTF-worthy lip-synced whistling. Now, as Kiran said in his post about the video, we didn’t think it was actually the “Worst Holiday Card Ever.” But, as the video was eventually removed from YouTube, we assume that MRM must’ve felt a little embarrassed by the public’s reaction to the holiday card (which included 146 vitriolic comments on our site, putting it in Goody/Sprint breakup comment territory).

On Friday, exactly one year to the day since we were sent MRM’s card, we received a new tip asking “Worst agency holiday card ever?” Above, you’ll see Javelin Marketing Group’s 2011 contribution. We ask you once again, dear commenters, how does this story about an ember and a snowflake’s wintry romance rank in comparison to MRM’s 2010 video? Is it possible that our tipster just doesn’t understand the concept of “kewt?”

Chilly winters bring out the crazy in Midwesterners. Otherwise kind, courteous people undergo a bit of a change come December, as subzero temperatures bring out a person’s animalistic tendencies in the battle for survival.

Luckily, winter hasn’t quite hit the Midwest yet this year. Chicago is currently experiencing its lowest temperatures of the season at a balmy 29 degrees (it’s only snowed once). But, the farther north you go, the more bizarre things you’ll see. The stocking in the above video probably seemed like a nice enough guy when Minneapolis-based Carmichael Lynch hired him. But, that stocking was holding onto a terrible secret: It was, it fact, a stalker. (GET IT?!?)

The above video makes no mention of what the stocking did at Carmichael Lynch or why is was stalking people. Perhaps the stocking was satisfying a voyeuristic fetish, or it was just a large fan of telescopes and unmarked white vans. Maybe the stocking was just seeing if its toilet paper hypothesis of “woman are scrunchers, men are folders” help up against real life data. In any case, I thought Handy Magazine would be something totally different. Friend this perv-y footwear on Facebook here.

 

Well, that was fun while it lasted. Immediately after receiving tips about Organic’s “Ugly Sweater” holiday card, the Omnicom agency decided to pull it down because it’s now “awaiting final approval” according to sources familiar with the matter. Yes, that is CCO Conor Brady posing in his holiday Cosby sweater and…oh, just see the rest after the jump if you’re so inclined. Unfortunately, the site as it was was “not supposed to be live” but you can get a gander at a couple of screen grabs to know what you’re in for. We’re assuming a sanitized version will be re-upped shortly. Kudos, though, for, um, the cajones. Update: Looks like it’s back up and running.

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Ah, the anonymous tips box has been a blessing as usual. A short while ago, this piece of work arrived and after viewing, we can only say that we cracked up at this Hall & Oates send-up that stars Grey New York president/CCO Tor Myhren and managing director Michael Houston. The pair and the rest of their “band” took the time to star in a cheesy video and pen this love letter to you, AgencySpy commenters. What can we say except that we’re flattered by this shout-out that nicely captures the tone of many a thread on this here site.

This holiday season, Mother London is opting for something a little less “merry” and little more supernatural.

100 blank t-shirts were sent to LA-based psychic Lucinda Clare, a seer whose work has led her to crime-solving positions at U.S. police departments and the infamous Scotland Yard. Clare has (apparently) foretold the destinies of the t-shirts’ eventual wearers, with her predictions somehow displayed on the shirts once the wearers receive them. For the steep price of £100 (or approximately $156), those anxious about what 2012 has in store can purchase one of the shirts by number here, with 100% of proceeds being donated to Age UK, the UK’s largest charity for elderly people.

Before you decide your fortune is worth $156.00, there are some catches. First, the t-shirt must be selected only by number, as there is no size or color guide. If it doesn’t fit, does that mean it’s not meant for you? Second, if you order this thing before Friday, December 16, the shirt will arrive with an exclusive audio recording of Clare going in-depth about your individual fortune. Third, according to the announce, “A warning, though. One T-shirt is unavailable for sale. Miss Clare has refused to say what she saw when predicting this garment.” Finally, of course, there’s always that chance that fortune-telling isn’t, you know, “real.” But, if you’re too embarrassed to admit that you actually believe in this stuff, you can always tell your friends and co-workers you did it for charity, right?

Discount airline Spirit is no stranger to controversial, distasteful ads. Since 2006, Spirit’s marketing has touched on such generally taboo subjects as disgraced politicians, venereal disease and MILFs. Hey, an airline promising $14 for a flight halfway across the country must be joking, right?

One of Spirit Airlines’ most famous past targets was former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich. Best known for attempting to sell President Obama‘s vacant U.S. Senate seat to the highest bidder and for a hair duel with Donald Trump on Celebrity Apprentice, Blagojevich and the massive media blitz behind him are now coming to an end. In June, Blago was found guilty on 17 of 20 corruption charges, and earlier this week, we found out his crimes are resulting in a 14-year prison sentence, of which he is expected to serve 11 years and nine months. Accordingly, Spirit is celebrating the 14-year sentence with a $14 airfare and the above ad which throws Blago’s famous hairdo on top of honest Abe’s. Whoever art directed that must have had an absolutely wonderful time doing so.

Not only did the people of Illinois feel comfort that justice had finally been served in their state, but they felt elated at the prospect of being able to fly from O’Hare to LaGuardia for as low as $14 one way. With the Bears in such rough shape that rumors of the ol’ gunslinger’s interest in the Windy City abounded, Chicagoans needed a reason to celebrate this holiday season. I’ll see you in February, NYC.