New Yorkers really shouldn't be allowed to cover the Oscars. Maybe it's something in that water that calcifies vital showbiz synapses. Or maybe they should drive more.

David Carr, the NYT's Carpetbagger, proves without a shadow of a doubt that he's all wrong for his job.

Alan Arkin was the name they announced when it came time to open the envelope for best supporting actor, leaving Eddie Murphy with a frozen smile and Mr. Arkin with a significant bit of recognition for a lifetime of work. It was the night's first surprise, and it sent a pronounced ripple through the press room. The Bagger, btw, never saw it coming.

We'll bet that's not all he never saw coming. Equally feeble is another NYT writer:

Alessandra Stanley, writing in the same paper, sucks up to Nancy Meyers:

The category of best adapted screenplay was introduced by a charming montage of movie scenes that featured writers as characters, from Jimmy Stewart in The Philadelphia Story to Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

Charming? Does Stanley have a cute story idea about a ditsy big-city newspaper reporter? With a great house?

And over at Eat the Press, a joke is attempted:

9:52: William Monahan takes it for "The Departed." And, rightly, he thanks the writers of "Infernal Affairs." And the Academy. And Warner Brothers. And "Thelma" - hopefully not a 19-year-old mistress watching from home. Cue the soft piano sounds of "Get off the stage."

Call us crazy, but we're pretty sure Monahan meant Thelma Schoonmaker. You know, the editor with six Academy Award nominations and three wins: Raging Bull, The Aviator and The Departed.

And then:

11:42: Kate Winslet presents the Oscar for Film Editing: The Departed! The winner is a woman named Thelma, who we'll Google in a second. (Update: Schoonmaker.) She's pleased as punch, and so is Marty Scorsese, who we actually think may be a little choked up. Aw. How cute is Marty? He may be little, but he's a giant.

Choked up? He was crying. Schoonmaker won for his films, when he didn't. When Raging Bull was robbed by Ordinary People, she won. How can they not know this?