TVNewser Show TVNewser FishbowlNY AgencySpy TVSpy LostRemote PRNewser SocialTimes AllFacebook 10,000 Words GalleyCat UnBeige MediaJobsDaily

Bold Birthday Wishes for Tucker Carlson

Today is The Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson‘s birthday. So we figured we’d take this opportunity to get others around town and beyond to help us wish him a happy birthday. At left is a photograph of what is apparently a red Daily Caller thong on the door to Carlson’s former office. We have no idea what it is doing there or why Carlson would leave it hanging on the doorknob. Photo credit: Anonymous.

Daily Caller Publisher Neil Patel: “Tucker, in honor of your birthday I have decided to refrain from telling Betsy Rothstein about the time in college that you wore a euro style banana hammock speedo on the beach in Nicaragua. Your secret is safe with me.  Happy birthday, Neil”

 

Raptor Strategies’ David Bass offers a poem:

From motorcycle to moped
From bow-tie to lengthy Foulard
As Tucker slouches toward middle age
His latest change is not hard

Mediaite White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher: “I was going to get him a black velvet painting of Barack Obama Greco-Roman wrestling with The New Black Panthers, but I thought, ‘Does he really need another one?’”

Former Daily Caller online editor and writer Jeff Winkler, a D.C. refugee who is living and writing in Arkansas: “Since my former boss looks to be between the ages of 14 and 40, I don’t know whether to offer him a gentlemenly handshake or a ribbon-adorned pony. But considering that he once slashed me across the face with his fly rod, my B-day gift — sent courteous of the USPS — is a collection of photos from my recent nude escapade involving archery, yoga and bobbing for apples. And I’d like to promise him that we’ll meet up again in the near future, but that always seems to be taken as a threat. Regardless, I wish Tucker the best in the coming years. If Washington D.C. had any sense, it would follow North Korea’s example and build ‘towers to his immortality.’”

MSNBC “Morning Joe” Co-host Willie Geist: “Happy Birthday to my all-time favorite ‘bow-tyin’ white boy’!”

FBDC’s Peter Ogburn: “My wish is that he gets ANYTHING but a gun.” (Peter was once mildly threatened by Carlson. He’s slowly getting over the PTSD from that experience.)

Politico‘s Patrick Gavin: “Tucker, my wish for you on your birthday is that, if you ever turn me into a puppet, just make it a skinny, buff puppet.” (See relevant link here in which The Daily Caller turns a Capitol Hill press secretary into a puppet.)

The Weekly Standard‘s Matt Labash: “Back in the early 90s, when all things were possible and there was still dew on the world, I remember a young, reckless Tucker peering out of his cloud of smoke (he used to rip through two packs a day on the principle that ‘clear lungs are for pussies’)  while pronouncing, ‘I hope I die before I get old.’  He often spoke in song lyrics back then. It was part of his whole rock’n'roll lifestyle.  Now that he is old, however, I trust he’ll choose life, as his Wham! sweatshirt implored  (again with the rock’n'roll – but Andrew Ridgely was his hero).  If not, and he follows through on his original threat, I’ll be here for his family, his dogs,  and his bamboo fly rod, the last of which he should really think about willing me.  Now that you’re a senior citizen, Tucker, time to get serious about estate planning. Remember that in our increasingly accelerated world, 43 is the new 80. Happy birthday, old friend.”

Mediabistro Course

Freelancing 101 Online Boot Camp

Freelancing 101Starting April 28, this online event will show you the best way to start your freelancing career, from the first steps of self-advertising and marketing, to building your schedule and managing clients. By the end of this online boot camp you will have a plan for making a profitable career as a freelancer, and the skill set to devote yourself to it. Register now!