Goofing Off

The answer is no. But, the emails from the Obama campaign are certainly getting our attention in new and weird ways. Thursday afternoon, we received an email from “Bill Clinton” that had a subject line saying, “Meeting you.” Well, hot damn! It’s our lucky day. We get to meet Bill Clinton! NOT so fast. It’s an email trying to squeeze money out of potential donors. You see, Clinton is teaming up with POTUS for “An Evening with Two Presidents.” All you have to do is kick a little cash to the Obama campaign and you’re entered into a lottery to meet the two in NYC. (We’re less than shocked to see that POTUS didn’t include Jimmy Carter in this shindig.) I know that campaigns are constantly looking for inventive ways to raise funds, but maybe they can stop freaking me out so much with emails from famous people. It’s starting to come off as a scam. Just last week we got an email from “Sarah Jessica Parker” saying, “I’m hosting.” Hosting what? Saturday Night Live? The answer was no, she wasn’t hosting SNL, but rather another event for POTUS in NYC. Since Bill Clinton is so willing to help these days, we thought we’d help write the next version of the email.

From: Bill Clinton

Subject: I need your help

Dear Peter,
This message may be coming to you as a surprise but I need your help.Few days back we scheduled a fundraiser for President Barack Obama.Everything was going fine until last night when we got mugged on our way to the fundraiser and all cash and credit card were stolen off us.

I really need your financial assistance Please let me know if you can help us out?

You can wire the money to me through western union all you need is the Name on my passport and location below.

“Bubba”

Launch a social media campaign that will build your brand and deliver results in our online Social Media Marketing Boot Camp starting June 7. Speakers include Abigail Cusick (Bravo Digital), Gregory Galant (Sawhorse Media), Alex Leo (Thomson Reuters Digital), Jim Tobin (Ignite Social Media), and many more. Read the reviews.

As we’ve been quietly chanting here in the Fishbowl, if it’s Wednesday, it’s Wendy Wednesday, a chance to highlight the inexplicably wild photographs displayed by Washington publicist Wendy Gordon. This week we have Wendy swinging on an indoor wooden swing in a painted on Wilma Flintstone dress — because what else would she be doing? We’re calling this one Weee!!! Wendy.

Media Research Center’s Director of Media Analysis Tim Graham really seems to have a thing for passing gas. We’re beginning to think he needs to see an ass doctor immediately because this morning he reported this on Twitter: “Darn tooting. O’Reilly: Obama’s Criticism Of Romney’s Bain Record ‘Reinforces Some People’s Belief That The President Is A Socialist.’”

Darn tooting?

Even resident feces expert WaPo‘s Gene Weingarten, who has a giant piece of poop for his avatar, picked up on it. He cracked, “Tim Graham just wrote: ‘Darn tooting’! How conservative can a man BE?”

No joke, we recently reported that Graham confused the terms “flatulent” and “highfalutin.” As we reported, he was criticizing lefty radio host Bill Press for calling Ann Romney‘s hideous fish shirt “highfalutin” since it cost her $990.

Happy tooting Graham. We’re here if you need us, but from a distance.

 

 

Fred Karger, the kookiest of GOP Presidential hopefuls still in the race, has turned Mitt Romney into “Pee Wee” Romney.

According to a release, Karger, who was part of President Reagan’s senior political team for seven years, compares a “strong and decisive” Reagan with Romney in the spot.  The 30-second commercial begins running tomorrow for five days in the Los Angeles, San Diego and San Francisco markets.

Karger calls Romney “weak and indecisive,” referring to Romney’s refusal to stand up to Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association.  Fischer and other right-wing critics pressured Romney to let his newly appointed openly gay foreign policy spokesman Richard Grenell resign.

For all that, we have “Pee Wee” Romney. We’re sure he’s gonna love it.

Politico‘s Patrick Gavin has been filling in for his colleague Mike Allen on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” Playbook segment of late and today the crew couldn’t help but ogle at the ultraviolet rays Gavin calls his teeth.

“You know what they say about Patrick; he’s got the whitest teeth at Politico,” show host Joe Scarborough said at the end of the segment. Gavin then gave the toothiest grin while running his index finger across his pearls.

“Those are nice,” someone murmured in the background.

Then, Gavin explained, “It’s nice I know all my cigarettes and red wine aren’t staining my teeth.”

“Mmm, go get those bleached,” co-host Mika Brzezinski chimed in.

“I think he already has,” Scarborough responded.

And here they are:

In our ongoing series where we skim through the tweets of D.C. journos, we may have struck gold with Politico’s Jake Sherman. Just when we think we’ve figured him out, he surprises us. One moment he’s tweeting about the intricate details of Congress; the next, he’s tweeting out some kush tunage from his phavorite jam band. Here’s what we’re talking about. On Wednesday, Jake ‘n Bake sends out this tweet on Speaker John Boehner.

Boehner: no matter what happens in the election, the next 2 yrs in washington will be most consequential in the last 50-60 yrs.

— Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) May 17, 2012

Moments later, Sherman sends out this tweet.

Happy birthday to Phish’s Page McConnell. Here are some fun clips. bit.ly/JVpNSS — Jake Sherman (@JakeSherman) May 17, 2012

It’s a happy birthday message to the keyboardist/piano player/multi-instrumentalist/probably great hacky-sacker, Page McConnell from Phish. Don’t worry, Jakester! Summer is right around the corner and all of your favorite bands with be hitting the road for the tours. And when you tweet about them, we’ll be there. (In spirit, of course. You couldn’t PAY us to sit through a Phish concert.)

Few things in life sound more deliciously appealing than getting primped and preened for a professional photo shoot with “Real Housewives of D.C.’s” uber stylist Paul Wharton at the helm. As many readers know, Wharton has his own show on Sunday’s called Paul Wharton Style, in which he downs a lot of booze and gets his eyebrows plucked among other activities.

There are a few male journalists we’d love to see Wharton get his hands on: Roll Call’s John Stanton, Politico‘s Jonathan Martin, ABC7′s Stephen Tschida and TWT Columnist Joe Curl to name a few. Of course, Slate‘s Dave Weigel may have a ball with this. A beach blonde Weigel could be intriguing. But if Paul burns up his scalp, do not take him to Whitman-Walker Clinic.

What your $250 gets you:
Fashion Hair Styling.
Professional Make-up Application.
Wardrobe Styling Advice.
Easy to Download Digital Files.
2 Distinct Looks
Photo Retouching Available.

It’s all in the details: Get a two look photo shoot with hair, make-up and wardrobe styling all for $250. Presented by Paul Wharton and his team of experts! Photographer Drew Xeron When: Saturday June 9, 2012 Where: Studio 52 DC 52 O Street NW # 204 Washington, DC 20001 Time: Once you’ve made your reservation (click Paypal link), we will contact you to set up your call time.
Important note: Bring 2-3 wardrobe options and come with face clean and hair clean and ready to be styled.

Reasons to do it: Paul states in his enticing announcement, “As you’ve now heard, the Beautiful You! Photo Shoots by Paul Wharton and his team are the best way for you to get up the up to date, professional  shots you need for your career or just for yourself. Take part in a fabulous day of being pampered as you become the star in front of the lights, camera and action.”

Sign me up! Write info@paulwhartonstyle.com for more information.

This week The Daily Caller‘s Publisher Neil Patel played a prank on Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson by circulating an email to staff with a conked out Carlson. The email included the following orders and accompanying picture:

“Brian Danza and Chris Bedford have volunteered to build a bar for our new party room.  Tucker will be assisting them on the project and will be reporting to Danza for this purpose.  Tucker sometimes falls asleep on the job so please help Danza and Chris by giving Tucker a little kick if you see it happening again.  Thanks.”

When told of the picture, Carlson fully admitted to easily being able to fall asleep in public. Carlson referred to Patel as his “evil business partner” and remarked, “I sleep like a golden retriever, often and in public, so the shot could have been taken anywhere. I don’t care.”

Got an office prank you’d like to share with us? Write us at FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com or to me at Betsy@mediabistro.com.

Today is The Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson‘s birthday. So we figured we’d take this opportunity to get others around town and beyond to help us wish him a happy birthday. At left is a photograph of what is apparently a red Daily Caller thong on the door to Carlson’s former office. We have no idea what it is doing there or why Carlson would leave it hanging on the doorknob. Photo credit: Anonymous.

Daily Caller Publisher Neil Patel: “Tucker, in honor of your birthday I have decided to refrain from telling Betsy Rothstein about the time in college that you wore a euro style banana hammock speedo on the beach in Nicaragua. Your secret is safe with me.  Happy birthday, Neil”

 

Raptor Strategies’ David Bass offers a poem:

From motorcycle to moped
From bow-tie to lengthy Foulard
As Tucker slouches toward middle age
His latest change is not hard

Mediaite White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher: “I was going to get him a black velvet painting of Barack Obama Greco-Roman wrestling with The New Black Panthers, but I thought, ‘Does he really need another one?’”

Former Daily Caller online editor and writer Jeff Winkler, a D.C. refugee who is living and writing in Arkansas: “Since my former boss looks to be between the ages of 14 and 40, I don’t know whether to offer him a gentlemenly handshake or a ribbon-adorned pony. But considering that he once slashed me across the face with his fly rod, my B-day gift — sent courteous of the USPS — is a collection of photos from my recent nude escapade involving archery, yoga and bobbing for apples. And I’d like to promise him that we’ll meet up again in the near future, but that always seems to be taken as a threat. Regardless, I wish Tucker the best in the coming years. If Washington D.C. had any sense, it would follow North Korea’s example and build ‘towers to his immortality.’”

MSNBC “Morning Joe” Co-host Willie Geist: “Happy Birthday to my all-time favorite ‘bow-tyin’ white boy’!”

FBDC’s Peter Ogburn: “My wish is that he gets ANYTHING but a gun.” (Peter was once mildly threatened by Carlson. He’s slowly getting over the PTSD from that experience.)

Politico‘s Patrick Gavin: “Tucker, my wish for you on your birthday is that, if you ever turn me into a puppet, just make it a skinny, buff puppet.” (See relevant link here in which The Daily Caller turns a Capitol Hill press secretary into a puppet.)

The Weekly Standard‘s Matt Labash: “Back in the early 90s, when all things were possible and there was still dew on the world, I remember a young, reckless Tucker peering out of his cloud of smoke (he used to rip through two packs a day on the principle that ‘clear lungs are for pussies’)  while pronouncing, ‘I hope I die before I get old.’  He often spoke in song lyrics back then. It was part of his whole rock’n'roll lifestyle.  Now that he is old, however, I trust he’ll choose life, as his Wham! sweatshirt implored  (again with the rock’n'roll – but Andrew Ridgely was his hero).  If not, and he follows through on his original threat, I’ll be here for his family, his dogs,  and his bamboo fly rod, the last of which he should really think about willing me.  Now that you’re a senior citizen, Tucker, time to get serious about estate planning. Remember that in our increasingly accelerated world, 43 is the new 80. Happy birthday, old friend.”

As we like to chant in the Fishbowl, if it’s Wednesday, it’s Wendy Wednesday. It’s our weekly look at the life of D.C. publicist Wendy Gordon. Wendy is well known for her outgoing personality and flamboyant poses with her frequent postings and photos on social media. Today, we find Wendy letting her hair down and roping up a steer to go bareback! She climbs on top of a mechanical bull and realizes she hasn’t had this much power between her legs since she straddled Tiger Woods a few weeks ago. So, toss on a ten-gallon hat, rustle up some vittles and say hello to Cowgirl Wendy!