Is This News?

Yeah, yeah, we know. Politico seems to pat itself on the back so often that it hardly qualifies as news, but this one was a real doozy. Last week, during a speech in Florida, Vice President Joe Biden went after the latest budget released by Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.). To help make his case on how bad of a budget he thought it was, Biden directed his audience to read this article by Politico’s Jake Sherman about how Ryan was able to sell his budget to his colleagues.

Well, that’s just not enough for Politico. Jennifer Epstein pens a piece on the love letter from Biden. She quotes Biden to say,

“All of you are adept with computers,” he told a crowd of senior citizens in Coconut Creek. “Go online to an outfit called POLITICO.com, an extremely well-respected publication that all the major papers look to.”

While it may seem a little over the top to write this piece on how great people think you are, we have to give Epstein a lot of credit. We can’t imagine how hard it is to write a piece with one hand while patting yourself on the back with the other.

On top of that, it should come as a shock to absolutely NO ONE that Mike Allen took the Biden shoutout and included it in his Saturday edition of Playbook. Fishbowl Facts of Life – This is all just a warmup to even more self promotion as the release of Politico‘s latest E-Book lurks just around the corner.

Follower insults Chuck Todd’s hair?

TV journos have to endure the worst kind of scrutiny about their looks. What they wear, how much they weigh and how they style their hair is often heavily critiqued. One small change in any direction and viewer mail pours in. And it’s not just from their mothers as they might have you believe.

Yesterday, one of NBC Chuck Todd‘s followers, HazyDavy909, remarked on former Ill. Gov. Rod Blagojavich’s hair, saying, “Blago’s hair? Hey Todd, at least his is ALL real! Your scalp used to be balder – how much is plugs? Paint? Glued? Fess up!!!”

We were surprised Todd even responded to HazyDavy. He wrote, “Actually, the shorter the cut the less thin it looks!”

It’s time for yet another edition of “What’s Roland Tweeting.” As we’ve said before, as long as CNN’s Roland Martin is on indefinite suspension from CNN for remarks he made on Twitter, we will fill you in on what’s going on in his world – or at least his Twitter feed. Today, finds a very inspired Roland. Someone recommended that Martin watch the Ben Affleck movie, “Company Men.” While we have never seen this flick, we understand it is focused around corporate downsizing. Roland is driven to share life lessons that he took away from the movie. So, we present to you the life lessons taken away from the movie Company Men, Top-Ten style…Who knew that Roland had an inner Suze Orman?

1. Never live above your means. Tomorrow’s paycheck isn’t promised.
2. You are a line item on a corporate balance sheet. Loyalty? Yea right. Always look out for yourself FIRST!
3. Downsizing ain’t that hard. It happens to everyone. Learn to like a smaller life.
4. NEVER overextend yourself. Don’t owe on your house, cars, country club AND credit cards. Eliminate debt!
5. ALWAYS have a Plan B. Never entrust your entire life with one company. Think multiple revenue streams.
6. ALWAYS assess your skills & think of multiple jobs you’ll B able to do. Don’t get locked into1 area of expertise.
7. Your boss isn’t your friend. If it comes down to you or him/her, It’s ALWAYS business. Never personal. Accept it.
8. If your spouse needs to keep up with the Joneses, tell them to go & marry a Jones! You don’t need the drama.
9. Be honest with your kids. Don’t hide the truth of layoffs & income change. They need to know what it feels like.
10. Your life is NOT over with a job loss. Follow #1-9 & u will survive, thrive & have an amazing life. So go live!

Thanks, Roland! You’re like some even newer-age Deepak Chopra! We feel confident that these words will live on to inspire generations of young professionals.

In other “What’s Roland Tweeting” news, last week we actually got his attention. (Let’s call this Meta-What’s Roland Tweeting). He thought that THIS contributor was stealing the idea from our editor, Betsy Rothstein. When we informed Martin that we report directly to Ms. Rothstein, he tweeted back to us.

@peterogburn @fishbowldc LOL Tell her I said wazzup!

— rolandsmartin (@rolandsmartin) February 28, 2012

We aren’t sure how we feel about Roland being “in on the joke”, but that won’t stop us from bringing you another edition of “What’s Roland Tweeting!”

CNN’s Roland Martin, who is quickly becoming one of our favorite people to follow here in the Fishbowl, continues to bombard Twitter daily. This, despite the fact that CNN still has him on an indefinite ice for the content of his Twitter feed. We’ll give him credit. He doesn’t shy away from mixing it up and he’s certainly not staying quiet while on suspension. He continues to engage his tweeps on controversial topics and gives plenty of commentary. One thing we are learning about Martin is that he wants you to know what his fan club thinks of him. Just look at this comment that he retweeted.

Just saw @rolandsmartinon my flt to work. Keep up the good fight. The future generation need people like you.

— LE Wynn (@Jones4Simone) February 23, 2012

Or this one.

I like @rolandsmartin He says what alot of people in the black community wants to say but scared to say it. rolandsmartin.com/podcast/index.… — Wesley Forte (@UndergradKC) February 23, 2012

We can’t even begin to express how thankful we are that Martin brings these congratulatory comments to the masses. Have no fear. He continues to bring us the hard hitting news and commentary for which we’ve grown to love him. Like giving commentary on last night’s Knick-Heat basketball game.

Fam, on defense, @dwyanewade is just as lethal as Michael Jordan. Yes, I said it. His defense is no joke!

— rolandsmartin (@rolandsmartin) February 24, 2012

Wait. We’re family now? Considering I have an uncle with a dented metal plate in his head that shoots squirrels for breakfast, I think you’ll be a perfect fit, Uncle Roland.

While many people have come after us for our “stalker-ish” obsession with the Daily Caller’s Michelle Fields, nothing we have written has reached the level of this. Fields shared this picture on FaceBook to let us know that an adoring fan, Scott Wilkie, drew this for her. Apparently, we missed the “Self-Obsessed Journalist Collection” of the Color-by-Numbers book series. We assumed that Fields Fans were used to this type of behavior, but some were a little skeeved out by this. One person writes simply “Stalker”, while another writes in “Things just got creepy.” Fields just calls the artwork of herself “awesome.” And she’s not alone in her feelings. One person says, “Great art, great woman.” Another chimes in saying that it “looks like liberty.” The piece is SUCH a hit that Fields’ mother weighs into the conversation and asks to buy a copy of the piece. Wilkie responds that he is now SELLING the artwork for $55.95 at his website. If you don’t like the Michelle portrait, Wilkie also has this print up for sale.

It’s one of several scantily-clad, busty ladies bent over heavy machinery on the website. Considering Michelle’s past experiences, maybe it’s not the best idea for her to encourage Fields Fetishists to send in more prison art. As her fans continued salivating over the picture, one commenter, Joe Barton, suspiciously asked the artist, “Scott, you don’t swim in the Fishbowl, do you?” Well, Joe…  He does now.

Since online journalism is stuffed with more meaningless and weird “fillers” than a generic brand hotdog, I took at look at the few of the “less important” features stories making the rounds of the Internet’s waiting room.

Just Dumb – Hipsters and “progressives” love American Apparel so much that they’re stealing from it. HuffPost has a story about how American Apparel is the top choice for hipsters. It would probably be more accurate to call them “douchesters” if they’re fans of American Apparel. Anyway, these douchesters apparently not only love to shop there, they love to shoplift from there, too. It seems, as far as shoplifters go, “many of them indistinguishable from the chain’s loyal customers.” I can think of one difference – paying. AA, having had enough of this sort of loyalty, is imposing new security measures HuffPost thinks might drive away more douchester customers. It’s an important story for the tiny percentage the population who shops and/or steals from this crappy chain.

America’s Perpetual First Daughter – Remember when Chelsea Clinton signed a 90-day contract with NBC News to do features on “Rock Center”? If the ratings are any indication, you don’t. Fear not, as her contract comes to an end, the daughter of the former President and current Sec. of State won’t be going hungry anytime soon. Aside from living off her family’s millions and however much money she earned as a hedge fund manager while her mother was attacking her profession in 2008,  she is set to re-up with Media Matters’ favorite “news” outlet. It would seem the producers think her horrible reporting style and delivery dovetails perfectly with a lack of audience. Congratulations to her! Keep up the … work?

Just…Shoot Me – What’s more interesting than reading about two people no one cares about arguing? Watching paint dry on growing grass. But that didn’t stop HuffPost from writing about how CNN’s Erin Burnett and Salon’s Glen Greenwald had a Twitt-War over coverage of Iran’s attempts to build a nuclear weapon. Who wasn’t riveted by that? Everyone.

These are but three stories cluttering HuffPost’s pages. And I didn’t even get into their post about the sex life of one of the Kardashians and her husband of the moment – which is more headline and less sex.

On Wednesday of last week, a day after Valentine’s Day, a reader wrote in with this hostile reaction to FBDC’s Peter Ogburn‘s take on how Newt and Callista Gingrich‘s spent the holiday. This was, of course, after Newt’s skeevy line to reporters about how he and Callista would spend V-Day.

“RE: Newt ‘Reconnects’ with Callista. Stupid and sophomoric. And has nothing to do with DC media.”

Note to AnonymASS: This is one of those criticisms that drives me crazy for the simple reason that IT MAKES NO SENSE. Well, actually ..ASS, Newt suggested to a gaggle of reporters at a fundraiser in Pasadena, Calif., some of whom are based in Washington, that his V-Day with Callista would involve reconnecting (wink wink). “But I’m not going to…no more details.” (Five more winks.) We know that’s a bell that can’t be unrung, and we apologize for the visual. Fine, hate our writeup, but read this one from Jezebel. Or this one in which the author vomits in the lede. Or this one, in which the writer recalls childhood memories of a Hillary Clinton Barbie Doll and an albino Mr. Potato Head.

The Westminster Dog Show is underway in New York City. It’s a gathering of the most pampered pooches and their obnoxious owners. One group, the Dogs Against Romney Super Pack, has announced that they will be holding an event outside of the Dog Show at Madison Square Garden tomorrow at noon. Their goal is to “ensure pet lovers are aware that Mitt Romney is mean to dogs.” Of course, this all stems from the now legendary story of Romney crating his dog and putting it on top of the family vehicle for 12 hours while on vacation.

Anyone who wants to join in the protest can meet at Madison Square Garden tomorrow at 12pm ET. The Super Pack even put out a video making sure that owners know that dogs “ride inside.”

TBD’s Jenny Rogers has an extensive profile of Jane Jayne Sandman and Barbara Martin of BrandLinkDC this week in which she follows the powerful pair over the course of a working day (GQ has declared them powerful; NYT gave them the Sunday Style section treatment).

Rogers, who recently announced she was leaving the confines of the TBD Titanic to join Washington Examiner’s Yeas and Nays column, begins her day with the gals at the gym in a kickboxing class. Rogers writes that she struggles to keep up with Sandman, “who gave birth 10 months ago.” I don’t mean to downplay the miracle of childbirth, but it doesn’t exactly keep you on bed-rest for 10 months. She had a baby almost a year ago. She didn’t have a leg amputated last week. When the workout is over, Sandman “slips into a blue second-skin of a dress and thigh-high black stiletto boots (to cover the “giant shiner” on her shin, she explains).” Rogers doesn’t bother following up on that nugget, because she must feel compelled to protect us from the horror of producing any actually interesting details in the piece.

After the gym, the ladies dash to the salon to get their hair done. As Sandman is getting styled, Rogers writes, “She covers her eyes with her hands as her stylist spritzes her Little Mermaid-esque waves.” I think the phrase “Little Mermaid-esque waves” is “Stab-myself-in-the-eye-with-a-blunt-object-while-children-cry-and-women-weep-and-men-gnash-their-teeth-as-they-watch-in-horror” in terms of bad writing. As the day moves along, we follow the ladies to a book party they’re handling at the W Hotel. Before the event kicks off, we get to hear about Sandman’s exchange with her 10-month-old son, Owen.

Sandman takes a minute to FaceTime with her husband and baby on her phone. “Hi Owen!” she coos. “Hey Owen, clap for Mommy? Want to clap?” She claps. “Now he’s eating the phone,” she says with delight, to no one in particular. “All I can see is Owen’s mouth on the camera.”

We can only imagine this must be what it’s like to have a video chat with Washingtonian’s Garrett Graff. Sandman’s husband, by the way, is UrbanDaddy’s D.C. Editor Jeff Dufour.

Side note…

Read more

Friends of Bloomberg News‘ Margaret Carlson: Don’t fall for the email many of you may have received this morning at the crack of dawn. No, she’s not in Madrid on an “urgent” trip recovering from being attacked on the way back to her hotel. And for God sake, do not send her money via wire transfer.

From: margaret carlson
Date: Mon, Feb 6, 2012 at 6:13 AM
Subject: Big Problem

Hi. Just hoping this email reaches you well, I’m sorry for this emergency and for not informing you about my urgent trip to Madrid, Spain but I just have to let you know my present predicament. Everything was fine until I was attacked on my way back to the hotel, I wasn’t hurt but I lost my money, bank cards, mobile phone and my bag in the course of this attack. I immediately contacted my bank in order to block my cards and also made a report at the nearest police station. I’ve been to the embassy and they are helping me with my documentation so i can fly out but I’m urgently in need of some money to pay for my hotel bills and my flight ticket home, will PAY BACK as soon as i get back home. Kindly let me know if you would be able to help me out so I can forward you the details required for a wire transfer. I will expect your response soon.

Thanks
Margaret