Sadly, Gene Weingarten is on vacation this week, so we weren’t able to bring you our analysis of his latest piece of garbage column for WaPo. That won’t stop us from unveiling a new Gene look-alike. It’s a mustachioed bag of trash at a D.C. area metro station! Looks just like him.

Even though Gene is out, WaPo sent out a tweet asking, “Are you as smart as a Weingarten?” I certainly hope so. To be honest, I feel insulted they even asked. Gene has fallen into a repetitive pattern of hackneyed jokes and boring topics, so I feel pretty good about my chances.

The link leads back to a series of logic puzzles from Gene. No one bothers asking why in the world I would want to do a logic puzzle from an unfunny humorist. I guess that’s not important.

What kind of brain twisters does Gene give his readers? Read more

While HuffPost has made several efforts to branch out to many different countries, we’ve never actually seen any of them. Not that they’re doing bad work, but why would I want to see sideboob stories written in Greek? On Thursday morning, while looking at their “Tech” page, we were shown the top stories on HuffPost.

Except the stories were all in French.

I can’t tell what the hell the top stories are. I see a picture of Mike Tyson, a pic of Eddie Murphy and some naked ladies. Is that what counts as news in France? It could be the start of the funniest joke of all time. “French Mike Tyson, Eddie Murphy and some naked ladies walk into a bar….”

Like many media-watchers, the first thing I do when I wake up is pull a giant bong rip to prepare myself for the onslaught of stupid D.C. bullshit I’m about to to face check my email. In my foggy, newly-awoken state, I glance through my phone at online sales, bad guest pitches and fan mail. (Hey, it could happen.) Most of all, I’m looking to see if I missed any major, Earth-shattering events while I was slumbering. So, Breaking News emails usually catch my eye. So, imagine on Monday morning when I have a Breaking News alert from CNN. Did we reach an agreement on the Fiscal Cliff? Did we find life on Mars? Did we kill Osama bin Laden (again)?

No, it was something FAR more important than that… Read more

It was a momentous occasion in Washington, D.C. The District’s first Costco opened. The location is in Fort Lincoln and it brought quite a draw for it’s first day: namely, VPOTUS Joe Biden. According to pool reports, Biden walked up, flashed his Costco card and strolled through the store enjoying samples and shopping for items like children’s books, fire logs, a TV and an apple pie. God bless America. One enterprising salesman at the store even tried to sell Biden some tires! According to the pool report, Biden said, “”Hey man I don’t need tires,” he said “I don’t drive anymore.”

Naturally, Twitter had a field day. Reuters‘ Sam Youngman was thoroughly impressed with the tire salesman. He tweeted, “I have finally decided on my vote for Time’s Man of the Year: The Costco employee who tried to upsell Biden some tires.”

Plenty of others weighed in…. Read more

Today, we’re taking a look at a piece of particularly tragic “gossip” from the Yeas and Nays column in the Washington Examiner. Nikki Schwab brings us the news of a the new merry-go-round at the National Zoo. How exciting! Because I like to go to the zoo to ride slow moving plastic around and around in a circle!

But, wait! There’s more…

Read more

Tuesday’s election is the culmination of a LOT of hard work from reporters. Many have been on the road for months on end. Barely ever sleeping in their own bed. Not being able to eat a home cooked meal. We get it. It’s a rough schedule to keep up and we thank you for it. Don’t ever say it’s a thankless job. (All that being said, it’s not exactly ditch digging.)

In Tuesday morning’s Politico Playbook, Mike Allen pays tribute to all the hard working journos who have lived the road life and comes across like a Hallmark card…

Read more

Did you know ABC’s Jake Tapper has a book? If you didn’t, he’ll gladly tell you ALL about it. The book is called The Outpost: An Untold Story of American Valor and it’s about Combat Outpost Keating in Afghanistan. Apparently, it’s a hit among the troops and their families because Tapper tweeted out the following over the weekend:

Very moving…some of the troops/families receiving my book sent photos posing w the book > on.fb.me/SE5xsC

— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) November 3, 2012

Nothing sells books like a military endorsement! Congrats, Jake. He seems to be genuinely humbled, but not too humbled for a book plug! It’s tough to follow because Tapper is moved by people being moved by his moving book. Can I please get off this emotional roller coaster?

Ex-Daily Caller scribe Michelle Fields celebrates Halloween in a way only she can. As always, she continues on her quest to work for Fox News by dressing like a xxx network correspondent. Come on, Fox, hasn’t she proven herself?

Fields on Facebook, “I usually spend every day doing my best to raise hell against my political foes, but tonight I’m an angel Happy Halloween!”

Tiny pundit Gary Bauer has led the fight for Evangelical Christians in Washington for many years. One issue that he has campaigned for the loudest is that marriage is between a man and a woman. To call him a supporter of “family values” is an understatement.

Which makes a press release from his group, Campaigns for Working Families, very bizarre. Bauer is campaigning for Richard Mourdock, the GOP Senate candidate in Indiana. Part of the release reads, “Bauer, the chairman of the Campaign for Working Families, is rolling out ads as part of a six-figure independent expenditure campaign on Christian, country and news talk radio formats in major Indiana media markets.  Gay”

I’ve added emphasis to the word “GAY” that just hangs out at the end of the sentence. What’s he trying to tell us?

We spotted the release on PR Newswire. We called Campaigns for Working Families to find out if they had seen the assumed typo. We were told by Kristi Hamrick, the President of Campaigns for Working Families, that the comment was “offensive” and it was not on the copy that they gave to PR Newswire.

PR Newswire is investigating the situation and we will update with details as we learn them.

UPDATE – PR Newswire confirms that the copy that they received from Campaigns for Working Families did NOT have the “Gay” typo in the release. They have corrected the release and are currently investigating how the word found its way into the copy.

Bravo TV continues to try and milk the success of its hit cooking show, “Top Chef” for all that it’s worth. They have started a new series called “Life After Top Chef” where we get a chance to visit previous contestants and see how they’re doing. Because I’m sure everyone is REALLY anxious to know how the losers on the show are living these days.

The D.C. area has it’s fair share of Top Chef alumni and in the upcoming season, they feature Chefs Bart Vandaele of Belga and Daniel O’Brien of Seasonal Pantry. In one of Bravo’s latest episodes, they check in with Chef Spike Mendelsohn, who runs locals restaurants Good Stuff Eatery, We, The Pizza and the upcoming Bearnaise. For those who aren’t familiar with the show, Spike is known for wearing dumb hats and threadbare T-shirts as part of his “style.” As we enter Spike’s abode, he says that the building is a former schoolhouse, which is appropriate because he “likes to play and school people.” While they don’t tell us exactly where the location is, I think it’s in that up and coming neighborhood of “DudeBro Junction.”

In the video, we are shown a mural in his living room and one of his favorite quotes has been painted on the wall. It’s one from Albert Einstein that says, “”Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” Except Mendelsohn can’t even pronounce the work “mediocre.” He says something that sounds like “Meaty Ocker”, which could be the name of a dish at his overpriced, over-rated burger slophouse.

We then move into the bedroom where Spike shows us his padded headboard on his bed. He says this is because he “doesn’t carry sex insurance.” What a nice, enticing way to tell the ladies of Washington, D.C. that you are DTF and ready to give them a hot two minutes of action with your scrawny ass that’s covered in burger grease and Chef-Boyardee-grade pizza sauce. Of course, that assumes that Spike spends time in his kitchens these days. Seems like he’s more concerned with chasing down fresh street art, funky hats and publicity more than doing actual cooking.

Oh, but it gets better. The next stop is the bathroom. For those of you non-celebrity chef readers, this is the place where you go to force yourself to gag up the trash that he calls food in his restaurants. Spike shows us that he has his/hers sinks in the potty, but sadly, no one to share it with. After his description of his bedroom antics, I can’t imagine WHY no sweet, young thing would want to share a dwelling with him. Also, his bathroom has a urinal in it, which is kind of cool.

Naturally the next stop is the kitchen. He says that since it’s his dad’s birthday, he has a chocolate cake. Take a look at that cake. That looks delicious. If your idea of delicious is roadkill. I’m sure it’s tasty, but this guy is a professional chef. It looks like the inside of a dead animal.

At this point, I stopped the video. There’s only so much “dude” I can take in one sitting. But, I’ll leave you these words of wisdom that Spike has on a chalkboard that he says help give him “inspiration.” The words that he is currently using are “Yum, Steak Time.” Yum, steak time indeed, Spike.

Want to start the weekend on a terrible note? Watch the entire video… Read more