Better Than A Shrimp On A Hamster Wheel: Reporters Mark Z. Barabak and Michael Finnegan call the YouTube/CNN Democratic debates a success. And by success, they mean that somehow democracy was served by having presidential hopefuls respond to questions posed by a snowman.

Lindsay Lohan Arrested on Suspicion of DUI While Chasing Her Assistant’s Mother In An SUV And Wearing An Alcohol Ankle Bracelet. Oh, And She Allegedly Had Cocaine In Her Pocket: Some people make this too easy.

Joke Theivery: Reporter Robert W. Welkos totally stole our idea to do a story about comedians who steal jokes. But we forgive him for these two interesting facts in his story: Milton Berle’s mom used to write down other comics’ jokes and give them to him, and Bill Cosby admits to lifting a bit from George Carlin early in his career. Carlin, apparently, was so disgusted he never talked to Cosby.