For several years, it’s been the greatest running gag on late night talk TV: Jimmy Kimmel ending a show with the disclaimer, “Apologies to Matt Damon; we ran out of time.” Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, the double-punchline to that bit was finally delivered by Damon. In spades.

With a duct-taped Jimmy in the background, Damon at one point during his commando-host appearance gleefully revealed that Kimmel is a bitter, jealous soul who has auditioned for every one of the actor’s film roles:

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No idea how they’re going to pull this off, but KCRW has decided to air 10 episodes of Marc Maron‘s wonderful podcast WTF–which, if for some reason you can’t figure it out, stands for “What the Fuck.” And therein, seemingly, lies the trouble. Maron begins each and every show by saying fuck no less than 12 times, and isn’t shy about using it during his interviews either. Why should he be shy? It’s his podcast.

But the FCC might have something to say about the matter if anything close to an unedited podcast goes over the airwaves. Especially on Sundays at 11AM, which is when KCRW plans to run the program.

The shows KCRW chose to air are all old, so they’ll have plenty of time to scrub them clean. It will be interesting to see what’s left.

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Comedian Marc Maron–a former Air America host who these days is best known for his podcast WTF, which he tapes out of his garage in Highland Park–just got himself a nice long profile in the New York Times.

A taste:

Mr. Maron, a stand-up comic by trade, has cast himself as an unlikely celebrity interviewer — one who is angry, probing, neurotic and a vulnerable recovering addict. And somehow he’s able to elicit from his guests, mostly other comedians like Sarah Silverman and Ben Stiller, the same level of vulnerability.

The interviews, usually taped in his garage in Los Angeles, often end up feeling more like therapy sessions. Take, for example, Robin Williams talking to Mr. Maron about the dark side of dealing with audiences: “I guess it’s that fear that they’ll recognize — as you know — how insecure are we really? How desperately insecure that made us do this for a living?” Read more

Fred Thompson, the William Hung of the 2008 election season, is an actor who was a senator. He already has the looks of Strom Thurmond and the wit of Sarah Palin. And now he has the joke ethics of Carlos Mencia (or Robin Williams take your pick).

On Real Time’s season finale last week Bill Maher said, “The only silver lining I can find is that British accents aren’t sexy anymore.”

Fred’s tweet, “Getting BP’s CEO to testify at a Congressional hearing DID accomplish one thing: British accents are no longer sexy #ftrs #tcot”

Then a couple minutes later, another lift. Fred tweets, “The only way Obama’s speech could have been any worse is if there were people in the background blowing into vuvuzelas. #ftrs #tcot

And of course, Stephen Colbert did a bit last night with vuvuzeles over the President’s speech.

You know what? Fred Thompson isn’t funny. We follow him on Twitter, we should know. He’s the dullest person you’ve ever heard of. So “parallel thinking” is highly unlikely. You know what’s even less funny than not being funny? Plagiarizing. Stealing. Ripping off other’s material without attribution.

Oh and he also tweeted he’ll be on the Daily Show tonight. We bet he has some gems lined up.

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We were half tempted to email him and find out who it is. Half.

This guy is right and being totally upfront – he does need writers:

STANDUP JOKE WRITER WANTED (L.A.)
Reply to: gigs-fhssg-1134352021@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-04-22, 6:07AM PDT

Nationally known standup comedian (from The Howard Stern Show & more) seeks joke writer. Send sample of jokes in vein of Def Comedy Jam, Chris Rock, Bernie Mac, Richard Pryor, Chris Tucker. Point of view is black, angry, dirty, even ghetto. Imitate, even parody Eddie Griffin and Paul Mooney.

Send one page of sample jokes. (Your next question is, how do you know I won’t steal them? Answer: because I’m not Carlos Mencia or Robin Williams. I do not steal. Also, you would see me do them on TV and sue me.)

EXAMPLE: Y’all watch UFC – Ultimate Fighting Championship? White folks love that shit. They should call it Ultimate Fighting Caucasians. Brothers hate that shit, cause we already got Ultimate Fighting Championship: its called PRISON. Same thing: they lock yo ass in a cage, some motherfucka beat yo ass to a pulp, then grab yo dick. Oh yeah, there’s some dick grabbing going on in UFC. If you watch UFC, you part fag. Guys in tights, wrestling and grabbing each other, music blasting – that shit’s like a gay nightclub. You call it UFC, I call it West Hollywood.

Saw this movie called Candy Man. Horror movie about a black man going around killing white folks. That’s my kinda movie. I like the premise: 1) he’s black and 2) he kills white folks. Genius. But how come he don’t gotta mask? Friday the 13th: Jason gotta mask. Halloween: Mike Meyer’s gotta mask: Nightmare On Elm Street: Freddy Krueger got a mask. How come the Candy Man ain’t got no mask? ‘Cause white folks think a black man scary enough just being black. What’s next? A movie called: Black Man. What’s he do, stab people? No. Chop people up? No. Hide in the bushes, jump out & do some scary shit? Nope. What’s he do? Just stand there and be black. AHHHHH! I got nightmares.

* Location: L.A.
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation:

We don’t normally offer double-features in this here space, but the Orange County Register has worked hard to market columnists Peter Larsen (aka Pedro) and Michael Hewitt (The Watcher) as a single, uber-hip brand, so we’re going to aid and abet and hit them with our patented stupid questions:

1. What newspapers do you read? Michael Hewitt: The Register and the Times, of course. And the Grunion Gazette, the local weekly.
Peter Larsen: The Orange County Register with breakfast, the LA Times from the recycling bin at work and the NY Times and Washington Post online when I think to look

2. Which ones do you move your lips to while reading?
MH: Do you mean when I’m swearing under my breath at Kobe?
PL: Giant head = lots of brains = ability to read with mouth closed.

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Industry Nexus has a real treasure in Mali Perl. Pearl has somehow found out what other aging clients are getting the axe, ala Ed Limato and his stable of geriatrics. The juice:

From: Bryan Lourd and Rick Nicita
To: All CAA Staff
Re: New Direction

In light of the change that’s sweeping the industry, CAA, as always, takes the lead. We embrace the generational shift taking place and will be moving away from older clients to focus on a younger client base that reflects the tastes of today’s audience. We are amicably parting ways with several longtime clients including Al Pacino, Meryl Streep, Anthony Hopkins, Sally Field, Annette Bening, Robin Williams, Robert Redford, Jane Fonda, and Robert De Niro. We are proud of the role CAA has played in helping these great stars of yesterday pave the way for great stars of tomorrow like Mischa Barton, Jessica Simpson, Rachel Bilson, Zach Braff, Zac Efron, and Sanjaya. We wish them all the best during their golden years and hope to visit them soon at the Motion Picture Home.