Lindsay Lohan will never go to jail for a long time. It doesn’t matter what she does or how often she does it. She just won’t. The 26-year-old actress could steal a police car, and when the cops show up to arrest her, snort lines of coke off the hood of the vehicle, set it on fire then slap the first two officers that approach her, and she would still get community service.
If you accept that, then you can start to see the humor in her constant stream of arrests. Those stories are great fodder for newspapers, so FishbowlNY thought it’d be fun to see which New York tabloid described Lohan’s latest stumble the best. Below are a couple choice excerpts from The New York Post and The New York Daily News’ coverage of Lohan getting nabbed by cops for allegedly punching another woman. Read them and see if you can pick the better reporting.
Earlier this morning, two dark-haired men and two blondes left the precinct, one of whom is believed to be Mitchell [the victim]. The women didn’t speak but the man who identified himself as Mitchell’s husband said: ‘Lindsay Lohan got drunk and went crazy.’
Mitchell’s husband just perfectly summed up Lohan’s career, so kudos to the Post for getting that quote.
Before Lohan hit Avenue, the actress was spotted at Madison Square Garden where she was treated for a severe case of Bieber Fever.
Here the Post frames the latest incident. We’d like to see if there’s a correlation between people who see Bieber in concert and then commit acts of violence within 24 hours. We bet it’s pretty high.
The Daily News:
Lohan — a veteran of five trips to rehab — was accompanied by a man as they left the Chelsea precinct in a black Escalade. She was still dressed for a night of clubbing: Leggings, a green mini skirt and high-heels.
A nice strategy by the Daily News, bringing up Lohan’s tendency to treat rehab centers like day spas. Also, we applaud the use of the word “clubbing.” We see you, Daily News. We see you.
Lohan’s father Michael, in a text to Daily News Confidential, said he wasn’t surprised by his daughter’s latest dust-up — and laid the blame at ex-wife Dina’s doorstep. ‘Again, it’s ALL on Dina,’ he wrote before mentioning Lindsay’s close friends who have been burned by the star. ‘The ones that care are the ones (Lindsay) hurts the most!’
Now this is gold. Bringing in Lohan’s train wreck of a father — who then brings in Lohan’s train wreck of a mother — is a brilliant move. It’s almost as if the two have had something to do with Lohan being an absolute disaster. Almost.
To us, this is a tossup. Both the Post and Daily News did a great job. We honestly can’t decide which we enjoyed more. Instead, we’ll just sit back and wait until Lohan gets arrested again. Which, by our calculations, should be any minute now.