Sharing the color of your panties with the Twitterverse will make you feel liberated, independent, sassy and sexy! At least that’s what Hanes‘ new Undercover Color campaign would like you to think.

After selecting my hue from the color wheel provided on the campaign’s website,, I am brought to a page that applauds my selection. “You’re wearing red underwear. Bold Move,” it says. “Are you brave enough to tell the world?”

I’m not so sure “brave” is the right word. It should realistically read something like: Are you vain/silly/bored enough to believe the world cares what color your panties are, and would be impressed by your oh-so-brazen and sassy over-share? Nonetheless, in the name of research, I press on.

I am then prompted to select a pre-composed tweet by clicking on tiles, each of which boasts a picture of something red, including a rose, a pair of red pumps, a melting cherry popsicle, and a tile made completely of red glitter. One of the tiles features text that reads, “Super Awkward.” Obviously, I click on that one first. It flips over to expose the corresponding pre-composed tweet, which reads, “I’ve got a scarlet secret,” which, to me, kind of sounds like the tweeter has a seriously inflamed rash. But it did say it would be awkward, so I assume the rest of the tweets must be better.

Wrong. Read more