This may come as a shock, but the most powerful PR folks in Tinseltown don’t work for the Church of Scientology.

Today Business Insider provides us with a fascinating list of the biggest names that you’ll never see on the big screen—and it turns out that Entourage was fairly accurate! (We mean this in terms of publicists being 24-7 workaholics who are always on call, not in terms of actors being talentless douchebags who make lots of money while doing very little work and facing no consequences for their consistently bad behavior.)

The people on this list earn their often-considerable salaries by working their asses off and thinking of their clients’ interests above all else; in other words, by being consummate PR professionals who understand very well that image is everything. They may be seen as low-key deal-makers, but here’s a telling quip: “When we asked each of the 20 publicists on our list for further information, almost every single one replied: ‘Who else is on the list?’” Always on the job, indeed.

The most interesting thing about the picks, which were based on client star power, work portfolios and insiders’ nominations, may be the variety of clients handled by various publicists–success clearly demands a keen understanding of pop culture in its various guises, from high to lowbrow and all things in between.

Some takeaways:

We’re surprised that some top names are so secretive that they refused to send headshots to Business Insider–they’re not professional restaurant critics!

It’s a little sad that list leader Slate PR’s “memorable moment” involves the name Perez Hilton.

And we’re impressed to learn that a single woman can handle Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian. (Bruce Jenner is probably best left to sit quietly in a corner.)

What do we think of this list? Surprising? Revealing? Inspiring? All of the above?