Welcome to Pitches That Worked, a new feature for AG members that takes an actual query letter that landed its writer an assignment, and breaks down just what made it successful. In our third installment, we illustrate (with numbered, hyperlinked comments) how first-time article-pitcher St. John Frizell crafted a “perfectly pegged” pitch on beer gardens — in one of mb’s own travel writing classes with James Sturtz — that had Time Out New Yorkthirsting for his story.
What the Writer Did
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St. John Frizell: I was in James Sturz’s “Intro to Travel Writing” class at the time, and this pitch was a class assignment: Pitch a travel-style article to a local magazine or newspaper. For some time, I had been doing my own research on New York’s German restaurants, and I had just discovered Zum Schneider and Hallo Berlin. October was six weeks away, and an Oktoberfest roundup seemed like a no-brainer. Jean Tang, a fellow student, liked the pitch and told me I should send it to her friend Maile Carpenter, then food editor at Time Out New York. It seemed like a perfect fit for Time Out, where easily digestible food/entertainment roundups are king.
I made sure to include Jean’s name in the letter, and I wrote it as much in “Time Out–style” as possible. It was sent via email, but I don’t remember the subject line. I also said that I was a Bon Appétit staffer, which was true — though I was a copywriter at the time, not an editor. I was never asked to clarify. The editor bit on the pitch right away, because it was perfectly pegged — I sent the pitch in mid-August, just when they were finalizing their content for late September and early October. She emailed me back a couple of days later, with a few refinements to the pitch: a shorter article, two sidebars, and she only wanted to feature restaurants that were hosting some kind of Oktoberfest celebration — which prompted one of the venues to think up a celebration on the spot.
The Pitch
| August 13, 2002 Dear Maile Carpenter, Germans may not be known for their ability to have a good time, but they did invent the beer garden, which may be a perfect recreational concept — perfect, that is, if you prefer to enjoy your beer, bratwurst and polka in the great outdoors. And in the first days of autumn, when the air is crisp and the lager’s crisper, what New Yorker doesn’t? (1) I propose a roundup of New York City’s beer gardens for Time Out New York, just in time for Oktoberfest (2). Our mutual associate Jean Tang (3) assured me that this article was right up your alley (4). I’ve catalogued local beer gardens using the following criteria: (5) The establishments must offer a) beer; b) a garden; and c) the critical element, without which a beer garden is just a patio bar: sausage. I’ll tell TONY readers what Queens landmark cooks bratwurst the way God intended (6) — simmered in beer, then grilled — and what outer-borough patio bar serves Polish swojsk that goes “from the smokehouse to your belly in two days.” I’ll introduce them to some old Bohemiam beer slingers, and the sausage-mad chef (7)at a New York “yacht club with no dress code, no walls, no ceiling and no running water. Sidebars will define key beer garden terms (8), so TONY readers will be able to tell a knackwurst from a weisswurst and pronounce the Teutonic tongue-twisting names of beers, like Reissdorf Koelsch and Schlenkerla Rauch Bier. As a Bon Appétit staffer and a green-thumbed beer gardener (9), I’m certain I could have a 2,000-word (plus sidebars) article to you before your October deadlines (10). Clips (or apreview of the article (11) — I have extensive notes) are available on request. I’ll call you on Thursday to discuss this further (12). Prosit! (13) Yours, |
Key Components of the Pitch
(1) Posing his story idea as a rhetorical question, the writer marries several surefire elements to pique a New York-centered magazine’s interest: activities New Yorkers enjoy, a celebration of the season, and beer-drinking. By capturing the reader’s interest early on, the pitch is immediately off to a compelling start. Back to pitch
(2) Early in his pitch, the writer states a clear hook (i.e. reason) for his piece: Oktoberfest, the annual German festival celebrated worldwide, in which beer plays a central role. Back to pitch
(3) Referring to their shared contact as a “mutual associate” confers professionalism — more appropriate to business correspondence than “my friend.” Back to pitch
(4) The writer clearly states that he’s tailored his pitch to the publication, music to most editors’ ears. Back to pitch
(5) Listing his “criteria” proves that the writer’s not just using his own personal preference to evaluate the beer gardens, but that there’s some objective standard by which he’s judging them. Back to pitch
(6) Phrasing like “I’ll tell… readers” underscores the writer’s intimate knowledge of his subject, enabling him to dispense the kind of insider information that’s TONY‘s bread and butter. Back to pitch
(7) Referring to characters like a “sausage-mad chef” shows that the writer’s got sources he can go to for quotes, and proves he’ll be filling his article with colorful, engaging details — not to mention zany personalities. Back to pitch
(8) Proposing sidebars to accompany the main article underscores that the writer’s topic merits coverage, and that he’s knowledgeable enough about the subject to communicate information in an easily-digestible sidebar format. Back to pitch
(9) Combining a mention of his related credentials (i.e. working for Bon Appétit) with a witty description of his knowledge of beer — and the gardens where it’s consumed — is a great way for the writer to tout his relevant experience without seeming pretentious. Back to pitch
(10) Specifying the intended length and format of his proposed piece and mentioning the October timing gives the editor important details she needs to schedule an article. The writer’s knowlege of the editorial needs means it’s that much easier for the editor to go ahead and assign the piece. Back to pitch
(11) For newer writers (read: those with fewer clips) or those pitching an outlet for the first time, offering a piece on spec is a great way to show editors that you can produce the piece you’re promising. Back to pitch
(12) Indicating exactly when and how you plan to follow up gives an editor advance notice on when they can expect to hear from you — a good tactic, so you can follow up without seeming as if you’re badgering them. Back to pitch
(13) Don’t be afraid to end on a fun note: Here, the writer’s cute closing makes perfect sense, as “prosit” means “cheers” in German. Back to pitch
