Jon Stewart lets Rick Santorum have it (easy)

Today’s Daily Show will disappoint anyone who wanted to see Rick Santorum get mercilessly grilled by Jon Stewart. No, Jon was very deferential, almost hesitant, and very gentle in the phrasing of the arguments he made, choosing to carefully posit alternatives to Santorum’s party line rather than give it the smackdown in any meaningful way. Which is fine — it’s his show, and presumably he wants to have other screamingly right-wing conservatives agree to go on it — but as far as interviews go it kind of lacked for teeth.

First things first: Lance in France. Much ado is made about Lance Armstrong’s record-breaking seventh Tour de France win, and decision to retire. Much ado is also made about his lone testicle (in a subsequent segment with Rob Corddry). The “one ball” jokes are a leetle old by now, no? After describing the high emotion of the moment – “if anything it was almost too moving” Jon asks “Is there anyone on hand who can drain this event of some of this human emotion?” Cut to John Kerry, droning. Hilarious. Sorry, there is no way I’m transcribing Kerry, he really is boring.

Commercial! What? Indecision 2004 is for sale? You don’t say!

Welcome back! John’s guest is the Junior Republican Senator from Pennsylvania, Rick Santorum, on hand to promote his new book, It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good (NB customers who bought this book also bought “A Deficit Of Decency” by Zell Miller, “100 People Who Are Screwing Up America” by Bernard Goldberg and Ed Klein’s Hillary book). The book cover design is — wow. Tacky doesn’t even begin to describe it. Actually, I’m being unkind. “Tacky” is a good place to begin describing it. It’s worth noting that, unlike the other books featured on the new set so far, this is the only one not beamed into hugeness on the screen behind the desk. Mercifully for all, I might add.

More tacky fun with family man Rick Santorum after the jump.

Santorum comes out. Polite applause. Jon breaks the ice by suggesting they find common ground: “Ice cream is a delicious treat…but too much will spoil the appetite.” Bravo! Rick agrees! Now on to the inviolate sanctity of the nuclear family.

By the way, Rick Santorum remiinds me of Guy Smiley. Agree? Disagree?

Okay. Santorum’s book can be boiled down to this: the ideal family consists of a man and a woman parenting the children. That must be protected, says Santorum, as it has been for time immemorial, for the sake of the next generation. Jon tries to gently break him down on that. Maybe the energy spent fighting gay marriage might be better spent fighting other ills? No. What is more important than our children? Well, says Jon, you talk about character and virtue in your book, but virtue isn’t exclusive to heterosexuals. Rick deftly sidesteps. “Certainly people who are homosexuals can be virtuous and very often are,” he says. But the institution of marriage is “the glue that holds the family together.” Fine, Jon says, that’s the ideal. But what if you don’t have the ideal? Yup, there’s a lot at stake. We’re talking about our children here! We should not legislate for any less than the ideal. Single moms are well and good but Santorum druthers are for “the natural family.” That’s the purpose of marriage. Jon: “I always through the purpose of marriage was a the bachelor party.” Ha. I bet Santorum’s was all crazy, with a dead mule and Adrian Zmed. In any case, Santorum’s not budging and Jon hasn’t really gotten him to say much other than the phrasing and rephrasing of his message. Jon: “I don’t think you’re a bad dude, I don’t think I’m a bad dude” but let’s face it, they’re at in impasse. (A reader writes at 11:21 pm: “Did Jon Stewart really just say he doesn’t think Rick Santorum is a bad dude? Ugh.”) Where else to go but to commercial?

At this point, a comment: Santorum is a really bad guest. Why? Because he interrupts, a lot, and doesn’t let Jon interrupt him back. Jon is in polite mode tonight, which means Santorum is steering the conversation. Which is why he spends the entire time saying the same thing over and over. Which is why this is a boring interview.

Case in point: round two. Jon: “What do people misunderstand about Rick Santorum?” And how are you enjoying your softball, sir? “It’s lovely, thanks,” says Santorum. “I think I’ll use it to talk about how very much I care.” That obviously wasn’t a real quote but this is: “I care enough that I’ll actually put what I believe in and why I believe it out there for the critics to have at it. I even provided an index.” That was Jon’s favorite part. This segues into a discussion of our culture – Santorum thinks it’s lacking in that all-important “virtue.” Santorum is concerned about Victoria’s Secret ads. Jon pulls out a favorite saw: “Do you think culture is sicker now or during times of segregation?” This is the argument he used on Bernie Goldberg: what’s worse, open and vulgar or closed and racist/segregationist/Jefferson owning slaves? Not surprising, Santorum doesn’t bite. We’re all done with him by this point. Saith Jon, thanking him: “I do thing these types of programs are illuminating for myself… and really only for me.” Touch&#233.

For today’s “Moment of Zen” we have a whole bunch of reasons why Lance Armstrong is better than you:

Lance’s muscles produce less lactic acid than most people’s!

Lance’s heart can beat twice that of a normal person!

Lance gets almost double the amount of oxygen out of every breath he takes!

Lance has more red blood cells to deliver oxygen to his body!

Upshot: Rob Corddry, keep your extra testicle. Lance is doing just fine.

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