Jon Stewart leurves Fareed Zakaria

It’s official: Jon Stewart has a man-crush on Newsweek International editor Fareed Zakaria. He’s superpsyched about the show and he calls Fareed “one of our favorite guests” (keep in mind that he’s had Colin Powell, Howard Dean, John Kerry, and Christina Aguilera). Apparently he’s not alone – a woman is in the audience holding up a “Fareed Zakaria Rocks” sign. Jon compares him to a Backstreet Boy. Fareed’s on to talk about the bombings in London based on his cover story last week.

Commercial. For “Indecision 2004,” which they are flogging a tad much. It’s a bit unseemly.

After some intro funny bits (after the jump, sweetlings, patience), Jon welcomes back “our old friend” Fareed who comes out to wild applause and a rainfall of panties tossed on the stage. Okay, that last part is slightly exaggerated. Jon warns Fareed not to make a smart comment about the set. Fareed deadpans, “I’m just used to the couch.” Ha. Jon notes that every time he sees Fareed something bad has gone on in the world. Not Fareed’s fault; that’s precisely when Jon calls him. Jon wants Fareed to fix things for him. Oh, if only Fareed could.

To business. What does Fareed think of London? Same culprits or copycats? Fareed doesn’t know but he thinks there are probably a few independent terror cells working in London right now. What motivates them is the ideology: “Ideology is holidng it together, not some sort of command structure.”

Okay. The suicide bombers were British born. Jon wants to know what’s up with that? Isn’t democracy supposed to not forment hate? Hasn’t that been kind of our game plan? Yes, says Fareed, but where the Muslim community still doesn’t quite fit in it leaves room for aggrieved individuals to be seduced by the ideology. In the U.S. though the Muslim community is very well-integrated, working hard, finding success as part of “the classic immigrant success story.” Jon thinks that’s bogus as a rationale for the British bombers. What, we should surrender the good jobs etc. to immigrant groups so they don’t get disgruntled and fill up a backpack with explosives. That’s not assimilation. Fareed mentions that assimilation in Europe has been challenging for Muslims, and he worries that they’ll richochet
between the ideology and the wounded feelings of non-assimilation and go into a downward spiral. But even so, “that’s not an excuse to blow up commuters.” True true.

BUT – he cites a new moderation movement in the Arab world: “for the first time, you’re seeing a real movement of moderates saying, what’s going on.” He’s encouraged; Jon wants them to do more by issuing laws and fatwas. Fareed says the problem is that in Islam there’s no central guy like the Pope to say, “‘hey, this is not kosher’ – well, he wouldn’t say that anyway.” The crowd loved that.

“I do think that at the end of the day, Islamic fundamentalism is increasingly bankrupt in the heart of the middle east,” he says, hopefully – but it’s not going out slowly or quietly. “The virus has spread, and it will take a while to deal with it.” Jon plugs Fareed’s new show on PBS, “Foreign Exchange with Fareed Zakaria.” Fareed says that Jon’s his inspiration; if he can have a show, he figures anyone can. That sounds like the joke falls flat but actually it works really well. Fareed’s all done, and I’m left wondering: am I the only person who thinks he looks like a cross between Willem Dafoe and J. Lo’s husband Marc Antony?

Jokes on other topics plus a really lame advertising gimmick for Expedia after the jump.

The pre-Fareed bits:

Mess O’ Potamia: Jon discusses Saddam Hussein’s trial in Iraq, overseen by Judge Raed Juhi, “seen here prior to his certain assassination.” Ouch. Meanwhile, CNN scored an interview with Saddam’s lawyer (Jon: “please don’t be Jewish, please don’t be Jewish”). Big news here: Saddam’s a lawyer himself. Jon: “You gotta feel bad for the first person who tried to tell Hussein a lawyer joke.” In other news, Rummy doubletalks.

Schwarzenegger’s domestic problems: Lots of gratuitous footage of classic Governator ass-kicking. Samantha Bee investigates in California, terrorizing a labour rep named Phil Bump, mocking him by fake-crying “Waaah! I made a terrible mistake I voted for a movie star!” Apparently Schwarzenegger’s people had a pothole dug to set up a photo op of Arnold filling a pothole. Bizarro, but as Bee says to Bump, “you know if he weren’t out there he’d just be groping women. “I have no comment on that,” Bump says tightly. “Oh, my God,” she drawls. “He’d be all over you. He’d be on you like a fat kid on a smartie.” Bump swallows perceptibly. Bee’s voice-over comments that Californians wish they had a Terminator-style savior. Bee puts the question to Bump: “If it were possible to go back in time, would the Phil Bump of the future tell the Phil Bump of the present to change his name?” Phil, gamely: “I don’t think Bee is a terrific name.” Fight back! Go Phil Bump! He reminds me of the closeted gay Republican lawyer in “Angels in America.” He ended up being kind of a softie, too. They wrap with this segment dramatizing Schwarzenegger filling the pothole. The Schwarzengegger look-alike doesn’t at all look like Schwarzengegger. Which is funny in and of itself. The rest, not so much. Sorry, but I feel compelled to stick up for Phil Bump.

Blatant admongering: Okay, what is this?? All of the sudden they have a new segment called “Expedia presents…Globehopping.” Cue the fiesta music and excited announcer! It will totally fool us! We go briefly to Pamplona, Spain, and the running of the bulls, then to Cancun whrere bikini-clad college students will run with Chihuahas. “Globehopping has been brought to you by Expedia.” Now a different announcer voice tells us that we owe our recent Globehopping experience to Expedia. Do you think they think we got it? No! Because they bat cleanup with an Expedia commercial! Which drives me straight into the arms of Hotwire.

Commercial, and wrap up: “I believe that Fareed Zakaria rocks. And that’s not some slogan I read on a poster. Oh wait, that is actually a slogan I read on a poster.” Ha. Then he drops another bomb: Monday his guest is RICK SANTORUM. From the crowd response I’m guessing there won’t be too many “Rick Santorum Rocks!” posters. Jon says he’s delighted to have him on the show and he’s sure they’ll have much to discuss. Audience, don’t be negative. And remember to book all travel through Expedia. That’s our show!

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