I'm sorry, but there's got to be a reason he knows all of this. Today he whips up what ASME's 40 worst magazine covers might look like, reeling off a few doozies plus an almost-freaky series of Ben Affleck covers. The dude is a freaking encyclopedia! It's impressive, hilarious, and very, very scary. Matt. I love you for bringing this magazine cover into my life but I worry, honey.

Yes, I know: glass houses. Below are some of my favorite Hall n' Oates songs!

Maneater, natch (watch out boys, she'll chew you up!)
Rich Girl (relying on the old man's money: would be nice)
Private Eyes (watchin' you watchin' you watchin' you)
Say It Isn't So
You Make My Dreams Come True
Your Kiss Is On My List
Adult Education (featuring two pronunciations of the word "adult"!)
One on One
Method of Modern Love (sounds like it's spelled!)
Out of Touch ("Too much")
She's Gone (watch out, boy, she won't chew you up, after all)

Wow. Way more hits than I thought. My secret shame: I'm totally buying "The Essential Hall & Oates."

Update: We heard from intrepid reporter and man-about-town Greg Lindsay on our honest and probing Hall & Oates coverage. "I'm glad to see someone shares my unabashed love for them," he wrote. "But how could you possibly forget "I Can't Go For That," the only semi-cool song they have?" Sorry Greg, we were mistaken; we CAN go for that, and we're glad you can, too.

I Cant' Go For That (No Can Do)