Legendry agony aunt column Dear Abby has fallen on hard times in New York. Dear Abby isn't carried by any of the NYC dailies anymore. But you know who carries her column? The Philadelphia Daily News. That's where we found this gem:

Dear Abby, I'm afraid my new hubby will father ugly kids.

A choice sample:

Dear Abby, I am married but have two children, "Venus" and "Adonis," from a previous relationship. These children are very good-looking, and I'm not just saying that because I'm their mom. My husband, "Herman," is ready for us to start our own family soon. Not to sound shallow, but Herman was not a very cute kid. He wore thick glasses and braces as a child. Whenever I am asked by either Herman or his family if I think he was a cute baby, I lie. I know I would love our babies as much as I do Venus and Adonis, but I'm afraid they will not be as cute, and that everyone will know my older children have a different father.

Now... does anyone use the word "hubby" outside of a newspaper context? That's what we want to know. We're also pretty disappointed that columns this weird cannot be found in New York newspapers. Oh well.