He may be banned from all 29 Jeffrey Chodorow restaurants, but the Penthouse Club welcomes Frank Bruni with open, uh, arms

It's no secret the New York Times' much lambasted food critic Frank Bruni is said to be gay. And he's rather out about it in today's piece from the Penthouse Club, in which he and some buddies go to sample the steak while, he says, being less susceptible to other pleasures of the flesh. Still, he does sample a desert known as a "buttery nipple":

"It involves one of the women straddling your lap, tilting your head back, pouring a combination of Baileys Irish Cream and butterscotch schnapps down your throat, and squirting Reddi-wip into your mouth. It costs $20 in cash. Note to the newspaper's expense auditors: I don't have a receipt."

Meanwhile, in a review of not food but TV, Virginia Heffernan tells us that American Idol's Paula Abdul has a "mom I'd like to sleep with" vibe.

We're blushing.