The Fishies Have Expunged Our Inner Thetans And Are Ready To Renounce Our Dependence On Immoral Psychiatric Drugs
Just kidding, we’re totally on Ritalin right now. Wheeee! This was one heck of a fish-worthy week, and you’re gonna love reading about it even more than we’re gonna love writing about it. So check back with us over the weekend and in the meantime, let us know exactly how you feel about Dan Abrams’ hair.
1. Actual Bull in Actual China Shop: This isn’t our headline, it’s Sploid‘s. We wouldn’t even try to improve on it, it’s perfect. We’re looking forward to when an actual inhabitant of a glass house is caught actually throwing stones.
2. You’re rubber and the Fishies are glue: It may be uncool to do so, but I feel compelled to commend my fishy colleagues on a kickass week. First FishbowlLA hacked into the secret sourcing network of the NYT Styles Section, then FishbowlDC uncovered an embarrassing gaffe on the part of Laura Bush’s handlers, who granted NBC an unheard-of exclusive for the First Lady’s trip to Africa. TVNewser (aka FishbowlTV) broke the story of insecticide at Fox News, prompting no less than Roger Ailes to address it. Meanwhile, FishbowlNY is proud of our work uncovering Dan Abrams’ new haircut. The Fishbowls are there for you, dammit! We care!
3. “You haven’t popped Ritalin like candy, Matt. I have.” Matt Laeur’s interview with Tom Cruise on Friday, while a total trainwreck, was incredibly well done. Deft and respectful yet unyielding and compelling, it was the total opposite of the lame-o softballing drivel Katie Couric served up with the Runaway Bride. Matt Lauer pulled off a must-watch-must-read-must-blog about interview, speaking just enough to establish himself as the voice of reason but giving Tom Cruise room to reaaaaaally let us all know that he’s cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs. Meanwhile, the shots of the Katie-bot sitting smilingly on the sidelines were just sad. Kudos to “Today” for their restraint, which made for a far better segment.
4. Arianna Huffington, Intrepid Reporter: Her words, but who are we to argue? Through serendipity and pluck she was the first reporter on the story of Cheney’s Vail hospital visit on Friday. It’s still kind of unclear what that story is – was he there for his knee? For his heart? – but still, whatever the story is, she got it. HuffPo, it continues to surprise.
5. What rough beast, indeed: There’s only one way to fight back when you’re disinvited to a première, and that’s to write a poem, dammit. Or stalk Wilmer Valderrama. Is Wilmer Valderrama the Falcon or the Falconer? Hmmmm. Think about THAT.
6. What rough beasts, part ii: Newsweek has an audio/visual flash report on hybrid animals that’s pretty cool. Mammal mash-ups include wholphins (whale and dolphin), ligers (à la Napoleon Dynamite) and zebrasses (zebra plus dolphin – “not to be confused with the zebra-horse hybrid, the zorse”). Funny song puns win us over, natch (“cama, cama, chameleon” for the camel/llama hybrid); a sub-par use of the obvious “lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” quote from The Wizard of Oz does not bear (ha) repeating here. Yes, we’re purists. Unlike those zebrasses. Them looks funny.