Sploid editors Choire Sicha and Ken Layne appear to be communicating with each other through some kind of bizarre secret code - how else to explain their arcane and cryptic Shift Memos? First Layne waxes semi-deranged on plucky piglets and all things Angus. Then Choire responds with a diatribe against Lindsay Lohan, scourge of the East Village, and a helpful tour of his orifices. Now Layne is back, taunting us with his latest memo, once again watching Fox, still screaming at the screen, contemplating future interactions with black bears ("Ursus Americanus is never far away"), staving off encroaching bitterness ("everything always seems fun from a distance") with another day drink.

What can it mean? What nefarious schemes can they be hatching? When is it too early to put vodka in your day drink, anyway? Who cares as long as they keep coming up with headlines like this:

911 Dispatch Offers To Shoot Unruly Child
Why Not? Geeks Install Wi-Fi Near North Pole
'Do You Sodomize Your Wife?' (sometimes you just can't improve on reality)