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Anonymous Digital Person Wants to Start Banner-Driven Movement

Well, this doozy landed in the tips box last night and comes from someone who apparently works in digital advertising and wants start a movement centered around banners. Yep, banners. The title of this opus is called, “Can’t We All Just Click Along?” Without further ado, here you go, verbatim:

What’s up, haters? Yeah, you, person who is about to leave an inflammatory comment on some advertising blog about someone else’s work. Here’s an idea, maybe instead of hating, start creating. Creating what you say? Creating a movement. Yeah, I know movements are boring, and they’ve been done before. To death. Like a million times with forks sticking out and a cooking thermometer with mercury shooting out of the top. But, this movement is one you can get behind. Why? Because it means more money and recognition for you, for me, and for all of your friends working in digital advertising.

Ah, yes, now I have your attention. Or should I say, Benjamin Franklin does. Every day, you see banner ads, those banal animations you are forced to ignore. Yes, they’re annoying. But, did you know that your client and my client is keeping track of how often they are clicked? In fact, they’re probably looking at those numbers right now. They’re tearing what little hair they have left out of their heads, trying to figure out how to explain to their bosses, why these numbers are so low. They’re probably photocopying an article in Adweek about how “click-through rates don’t matter all that much and aren’t necessarily an indicator of intent to purchase.”

Here’s what you can do. I know this is going to sound painful. I know this is going to sound worse than wearing baggy jeans while drinking a Budweiser and smoking a Marlboro red while driving an SUV. You are going to click-through 5 banner ads every day. It doesn’t matter which ones. Just do it. I’ll do it. We will all do it. And together, we will make our clients feel better about their jobs. Their bosses will feel better about the goo-gobs of money they are spending. They will have spreadsheets and charts to show the board of directors. The board of directors will increase the advertising budget for the next year.

Now, BINGO! This is where you and I come in. Instead of having to look through creepy stock images to create more mind numbing banners, you will have a real budget. Possibly even a photo shoot. Possibly even taking money away from those smug folks working in traditional, who are probably lounging at the pool at Shutters, drinking umbrella drinks, wearing fake monocles, and laughing like super villains at your stupid existence.

My fellow digital advertising brethren and brethrenettes, now is the time to unite. Now is the time for action. Go forth and click through some banner ads. Yes, it might feel disgusting at first, but if inside your mind you make a little “cha-ching” sound with each click, you will become empowered. Click away, my friends. Oh, click away.

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