The week before last was a week about women in prison. On July 6th New York Times reporter Judith Miller and Rapper/Hip-hop artist Lil' Kim were each sent to the slammer—Miller for failing to name her source in the investigation of the leak of a covert agent's identity, and Kim for lying to a grand jury about her knowledge of a shooting incident outside a Manhattan radio station.

That these two very different women are sharing the same cell has received almost no attention—until now. Herewith the exclusive transcript of their meeting…and more:

Judy: Well hello, Miss Kim. I'm Judy Miller from the New York Times.

[Lil' Kim is checking out her nails. She doesn't even look up.]

Lil': Yeah, whaddup, bitch?

Judy: It's so good to meet you. This is my first time in prison! You know, I've always been fascinated by Korea and its people. Tell me about Seoul.

Lil': I'll tell you about soul, bitch.

Judy assumes that this is a term of affection. She cheerfully forges ahead.

Judy: Well I'd like that, bitch. Word up. Anyhoo, what do you think about Kim Jong Il's agreement to six-party talks? Is this just another delay tactic? Or is this for real, bitch?

Lil': Don't call me bitch, bitch.

An awkward pause as it dawns on Judy that Lil' Kim is being hostile.

Judy: Now I understand you're frustrated about being incarcerated and as a defender of the freedom of the press, I'm not about to censor you. But I do think you could be a little bit more pleasant, now that we're going to be bunkmates.

Lil: I'll mess you up, bitch.

Judy: Pardon me, Little Kim, but as a reporter for the New York Times I've stood down plenty of threats. And never once did I shrink from reporting all the news that fit to print.

Lil: I'll give you all the fist that will fit in your face!

Prison Guard (from off-stage): Quiet down, you two.

As the Prison Guard comes into view, we see that it's Lynne Cheney.

Lynne: Now I don't want to have to toss either of you into solitary. I have no problem with you talking. (To Judy) Just don't talk.

Lynne's message is clear: If Judy lets her source slip, Lynne will be listening – and it'll be curtains for Judy.

Days later, in the cellblock common room, Judy has a confrontation with a group of hardened cons. Judy has been watching her favorite TV show, CNN's Newsnight with Aaron Brown. The other women want to watch Bravo's Being Bobby Brown.

Shivs are drawn against Judy. Judy strikes a martial arts pose, not very threatening.

Judy: Ladies, I'm warning you now. I participated in three New York Times—sponsored Take Back The Night self-defense seminars. I can hurt you.

The other prisoners are not impressed. They move towards her menacingly. Then, coming to the rescue, Lil' Kim and her very big AK-47.

Lil': Clear out, you ho's.

The attackers immediately back off.

Judy: Little, where did you find such a firearm?

Lil': It's the one thing my man, Notorious B-I-G left me.

Judy (moved almost to tears): And you used it to save me. But why, Miss Kim?

Lil': Bitch, you a pain in my ass. But if you bite the dust, my new cellmate's bound to be a bigger pain in my ass.

And from this bittersweet moment, a very special friendship grows up. Judy rolls joints for the both of them from the Times Arts and Leisure section. Lil' inspires Judy to scrap her Anna Wintour look for tiny braids and super long stenciled nails.

Lil': (looking at Judy approvingly): Bitch, you look dangerous.

Judy: Girlfriend, I feel like a weapon of mass seduction!!! No more Grey Lady for me. Just call me J. Diddy!

Lil': Now, Miss Fit —(Lil's affectionate shorthand for Miss Fit to Print)—now that I got you looking so fine, explain to me who the hell this Valerie Plame bitch is and why anybody cares.

Judy: Oh, Little, it's so complicated. Someone in the White House told me a secret. It was a man. And I just can't turn my back on … this man.

Judy has a far-off look in her eyes.

Lil': It's always a man. And does this man have a name?

Judy: I call him Notorious K-A-R-L. But I can't betray him. I just can't. Of there was a second source. I didn't talk to him. In fact I'd name him if I knew who he was but Matt Cooper ate him—swallowed him whole.

Judy breaks down sobbing.

Judy: Oh, Little, I miss life on the outside: walks in the park, ice cream cones, rainbows, appearances on cable news shows.

Lil': You listen to me, Miss Fit, you gots to do the right thing here. You go back to that Grand Jury and you look them in the eye and you lie!

Judy: Who do I say was my source?

Lil': How 'bout that Deep Throat geezer?

Judy: W. Mark Felt! But don't you think he'll deny it?

Lil': You trust me, Miss Fit. The minute that Barbara Walters show up at his house with all her cameras and shit, that son of a bitch'll drop dead.

Judy: Oh, Little, you've changed my life! When you get out of here, I'm getting you a column at the Times.

But all is not well. Lurking in the shadows is Prison Guard Lynne Cheney—and she doesn't like what she's heard.

Stay tuned as the drama of Judy and Lil'—and Lynne—continues, with a special appearance by Martha Stewart.

Mo Rocca is the author of All the Presidents' Pets: The Story of One Reporter Who Refused to Roll Over