There is a t-shirt for sale on Amazon.com which features a screenprint of three wolves howling at the moon. It looks like something you would find for sale in an Arizona truck stop. And it has become the muse for 279 of the snarkiest reviewers in web commerce history. A sampling of some of the ‘customer comments’:
“The manager at my local McDonald’s refused to serve me when I entered shirtless in my buffalo-skin chaps and beaver pelt moccasins. I’ve since been searching to find the perfect top to go with my turquoise necklace and bolo tie. $35 bucks later, I can hold my head high as I wait for my Filet-O-Fish.”
“I am a CEO and I often wear this shirt in lieu of a power tie.”
“I bought this shirt to feed my collection of rare mountain goats. The irony was too great not to. Can goats smile? Unequivocally, no they can’t. But they ate the shirt regardless. In hindsight I should have just bought some dirty rags because goats can’t appreciate irony.”
“PROS: Endows wearer with unimaginable powers.
CONS: $6.86 shipping & handling is ridiculous by any reasonable person’s standard.”
Take the afternoon off and read the rest of the comments like a novel you can’t put down.
“This shirt (along with my trusty pair of purple Zubaz I also bought on Amazon) made me invincible to Chuck Norris’ Death Stare. The angelic image of me in my Three Wolf Moon shirt made him cry and I was able to capture his lone tear…I now have the cure for cancer. The Moon pattern also blocked the fist hidden in his beard and my Wolves joyfully jumped onto his chest causing him to stop and sign my VHS copy of “Lone Wolf McQuade” with a silver Sharpie. I have since retired and now live a desolate life in the Mojave desert with the Indians.”
“Unfortunately I already had this exact picture tattooed on my chest, but this shirt is very useful in colder weather.”
“When me buy shirt me normal human. After me put shirt on me start howl at moon. All times moon come me howl at moon. Soon me howl at things not moon. Soon me howl at people on street. Soon me howl at cars and chase them. Me grow hair and fangs and stalk prey in the night. Me no longer able to live with people me run and kill and hide in woods. But me still have job at Target.”