We have posted before about bonuses for new hires at startups, which are just totally crazy, since these web 2.0, app, whatever you kids call it these days gewgaw companies are competing for very scarce talent.

Here’s a new one that has just gone off the rails (we say). Can’t there be one, just one media startup that has a hiring bonus this cool?

According to CNET, Scopely will give to any new hire (or any referrer of a new hire) the following: a year’s supply of Dos Equis, an oil painting of yourself, a tuxedo, Cuban cigars, beard grooming oil, a cologne called “Sex Panther,” and $11,000, wrapped in bacon.

The team has already made one hire through this ridiculous incentive program, an engineer named Mike Thomas. Another 899 have applied but been rejected. Congratulations, Mike.

The really crazy thing? Scopely is in “stealth mode,” raising money to do….nobody knows. All anyone outside the company knows is that it is “preparing to disrupt a segment of the social web that is ripe for innovation.”

Update 11/17/11: The Scopely folks sent us two enormous photos of what bacon-wrapped cash really looks like. We really, really want that bacon to be a clever plastic reproduction, but fairly sure that that’s actual greasy money.
Here’s one such photo. You can click it to get a huge (desktop wallpaper-sized?) version.