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U.S. Steel Has Zero Sympathy for Steelers Fans Who Miss Work

The Pittsburgh Steelers are in this weekend’s Super Bowl. (Did you hear?) The city is, understandably, excited. The company from which the team takes its name, however, not so much.

According to a memo sent out by the management of U.S. Steel, employees who miss work on Sunday or Monday without a good reason will face “severe disciplinary action.”

USW International vice president Tom Conway isn’t taking the news lightly.In his Comic Sans moment, he “responded to the memo with an e-mail — in black-and-gold type, the Steelers’ colors — that suggested adjusting schedules so volunteers who don’t want to watch the game can work during it.”

That would make sense, you know. His other suggestion, less.

Conway seems to think any production lost during Sunday’s 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. shift could be made up later, which begs the question as to how that’s possible. Will they work harder after a Super Bowl win? Or harder after a loss? Why can’t they work harder all the time?

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