Our Wednesday series Twitticisms is back, featuring the jocular jests and witty wisecracks of Twitter’s funniest.

Cue the laugh track:

The “crumbs”( bad people) on the table (each day) have to be brushed off ( ignored) as we enjoy the picnic ( the many fun facets of life.)

— Colin Quinn (@iamcolinquinn) May 15, 2013

Unusable hashtag? Check. Exhausted joke format? Check. SECOND hashtag no one knows or will ever use? Check and check! twitter.com/RGA/status/334…

— R/GA (@RGA) May 15, 2013

Why don’t I already own this? And how do I get one? twitter.com/ElizabethBanks…

— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) May 15, 2013

Maxim’s Hot 100 List is bogus. Some of those girls look WAY younger than 100.

— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) May 15, 2013

I believe in America. Wait, not America. Nutella.

— Mark Peters (@wordlust) May 15, 2013

Way to go, Minnesota! First you invent the stapler and now marriage equality? You really know how to bring things together.

— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) May 14, 2013

“No, no they’re just like regular pillows only not comfortable or necessary even.” -Inventor of throw pillows

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) May 14, 2013

Share your favorites in the comments!

(Laughing image from Shutterstock)