AllTwitter’s Wednesday series Twitticisms is back, featuring the jocular jests and witty wisecracks of Twitter’s funniest.
Cue the laugh track:
I do most of my practical knitting in private but my "cool knitting" on benches in town squares.
— Paula Pell (@perlapell) July 17, 2013
If you're waiting two hours in line for a Cronut, on behalf of all humanity, I'm sorry we failed you.
— Albert Brooks (@AlbertBrooks) July 2, 2013
Maybe there are worse things in the world than those little order cards that fall out of magazines, but I can't think of any.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 17, 2013
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 16, 2013
You get to do cool things when you have a baby, like quickly eat your dinner over the sink, or scream at friends for sneezing too loudly.
— Rob Fee (@robfee) July 16, 2013
to me, the word “whilst” means “roll your eyes and stop reading whatever this is right now. maybe even close your browser in disgust”
— jon hendren (@fart) July 16, 2013
Taking photos with your iPad is the new fannypack.
— Jesse Tyler Ferguson (@jessetyler) July 14, 2013
Why are there scones?
— bobby finger (@bobbyfinger) July 17, 2013
Share your favorites in the comments!
(Laughing image from Shutterstock)