AllTwitter’s Wednesday series Twitticisms is back, featuring the jocular jests and witty wisecracks of Twitter’s funniest.

Cue the laugh track:

Storage. Parking. Cupcakes. We've let down John and Yoko. pic.twitter.com/d57mTcAZ61

— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) July 28, 2013

if you're out in public and you see someone you went to high school with, keep calm and army crawl out the door

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) July 28, 2013

Fun game: If you’re on “Jeopardy” begin all of your questions will “Pray tell…” and see how long it takes before Alex Trebek strangles you.

— Al Yankovic (@alyankovic) July 28, 2013

McD's worker: Hello, this is McDonald's. Me: Yes, do you deliver? Him: No. Me: But like, will you though? Him: Me: Him: *click*

— Krista Doyle (@Krista_Doyle) July 28, 2013

Whoever forces all pilots to wear weird hats when they fly is an ass.

— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) July 28, 2013

Oh come on. pic.twitter.com/CVAk4nTAHO

— Ashley Burns (@MayorBurnsy) July 28, 2013

At Hollywood parties everyone wants to fit in and be cool. So, sooner or later someone's going to pressure you into trying kale

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) July 28, 2013

Share your favorites in the comments!

(Laughing image from Shutterstock)