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O’Bama’s St. Paddy’s Day Statement on Ukraine

Notably drunk and with lips as green as a leprechaun’s pecker, President Obama raised a glass to “those crazy a$$#@%#s in Crimea” at a short press conference today on the Ukrainian crisis. He also gave a “special shout-out” to Russian President Vladimir Putin who he said “acted all hard and s#%t,” but was in fact “fronting” and would “get his real soon.”

Media analysts across the spectrum rushed to interpret Obama’s remarks. We here at FBDC think MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell had it about right when she said the following to Matt Lauer:

“The President is understandably wasted right now. I mean come on Matt, the man just got finished with two wars and now he’s going to have to start another one -this time with the very real prospect of nuclear annihilation for one or more European allies. If I weren’t a gin girl, I’d be hitting the Jamie pretty hard right now too.”*

Erin go bragh, y’all!

*We made this up entirely. Here is what really happened.

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