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Top 10 Twitter New Years Resolutions for 2011


New Years Eve is the time for promises to go to the gym that fizzle out in three weeks, renewed commitments to diets that are given up by Valentine’s Day, and predictions about the end of the world that (sadly) are never realized. And Twitter is no stranger to these varied predictions and resolutions that roll around with every new year.

We have searched resolutions of many Tweeters.  And we found some hilarious ones for you to ring in the new year with laughter:
10.  Poor Mom

I will honestly cry if this girl’s mom’s resolution is, “Contact my daughter more on Facebook.”


9.  Such a Cliche Resolution

At least this is something he can stick to…

8.  Beats Trying to Quit Smoking

This one was a hilariously random Tweet to find in the mix of humanitarian-esque posts.

7.  Forget Health

This dude lives in Opposite Land.  And Opposite Land sounds pretty fun.

6.  Hot-Guy Phobia

This phobia is a curse! Imagine how scary a date would be with a hot guy, on a really tall building, and – for some reason – there is a spider riding a snake there too.  …Hot-guy phobia.  It’s the big one!

5.  Shawty!!!

Tony.  I am fantasizing that you are a 90-year-old man; and you are 100% serious.  Please tell me you are…

4.  You and Everyone Else

We suggest putting cigarettes in your food.  It will turn you off both vices. ;)

3.  I’ll Catch Up Later

You enjoy that!  And I’m going to just focus on my one resolution:  going for a jog, 3 times a week  …meaning ‘once a week ‘ …meaning, ‘probably putting on my running shoes and driving to the ice cream store, instead.’

2.  A Decent Man

Chivalry is NOT Dead

1. Two Tweets from the Same Man

This is amazing.  Within one hour, this Twitter User creates a paradox so extreme that the world may, in fact, end a year from now, in 2012, as John Cusack predicted.


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