When an ad man gets bored, he has a few Web-centric options to quench his creative thirst — or in this case, his insatiable hunger for brains. Today in your wacky Craigslist postings, a listing for that elusive Upper East Side apartment. The catch: you must be comfortable sub-leasing from a guy who claims he was bitten by a zombie and has devoted the rest of his life to hunting down the asshole zombie that bit him. Eh? Natch, he needs someone to take over his rent (pimpin ain’t easy).
I used to be a mild mannered guy who worked in advertising. I was walking along Lexington Avenue to my beautiful one bedroom apartment on 84th between Lex and 3rd. I was thinking about picking something up at the D’agostino right around the corner and cooking in my stainless steel kitchen. Then, tragedy struck. Or is it, opportunity knocked?
Without warning I was bit by a zombie. Now, let me make one thing clear: zombies don’t normally cavort around the upper east side. Fortunately, there is always a Hatzolah Ambulance parked at 85th and Lex – how convenient should there ever be an emergency! The fine paramedics there acted quickly, and were able to keep my human mind intact, and limit my lust for brains. Now, whenever I feel the need to feed, I play one of those brain-themed videogames and my hunger is satiated.
Even though I have my wits about me, I also have the superpowers of a zombie. I cannot die because I am half undead. As a result, I feel I must dedicate my life to hunting down the zombie who has cursed me to this half-existence. Perhaps one day there can be a TV show or movie deal in it for me, but for now I must fight. Which means I can pass on my sweet lease to you!
I will move out in the middle of January, and my current lease runs through the end of September, then of course you will be able to continue (assuming your relationship with the management company is good.) It’s truly a great apartment in a great area. The building is quiet and the apt has lots of space with a faux fireplace and other great stuff. We can talk about the possibilities of me leaving my furniture if you’d like.
Right. Manhattan apartments are at a lower premium than usual, so for my money this ain’t worth it. But since this probably came from the world’s lamest hipster, it might’nt be so bad.