Meghan McCain’s blog is one of those rare websites like textsfromlastnight.com or the DailyKos where you come away feeling dumber having read it. Yesterday’s post entitled “My Beauty Essentials” hurts the head more than usual.
The MSNBC Contributor, Daily Beast columnist and child of privilege decided the world needed to know her beauty secrets. No problem with that, really. It’s her blog, she can write about whatever floats her boat.
The problem is with how this graduate of Columbia University writes. The most polite way to put it is she writes like someone for whom English is a third language they were taught in their second language.
The post starts off like this:
“As many of you may know I travel a lot for work. After many years, I have mastered the art of doing makeup on a plane, giving myself a facial at home and *gasp* yes even applying false eyelashes. Later on I will be posting little tricks I have picked up along the way but here are ten products I simply can’t live without and have stood the Meghan McCain test of time.”
Dear copy editors reading this, sorry for making you sick. Fear not, later on she’ll be posting more vomit inducing rants to answer questions no one asked. Hopefully it will refer to herself in the third person more, cuz that’s, like, awesome ‘n’ stuff!
I can’t go through this line by line since I just ate, so here are a few “highlights” to give you the general idea.
Product 2 on her top 10 list is “Peter Thomas Roth Sulfer Cooling Masque.” It’s probably a great product, I have no idea, but it’s also spelled “Sulfur” not “Sulfer.” How do I know this? First, I know how to spell. Second, she posted a picture of the damn thing right there under the name. The picture shows the label clearly, which includes the proper spelling of the word “Sulfur.” But Meghan was far from done.
The description of why it’s an “essential” is an unparalleled nugget of “HOLY CRAP!”
It’s, “This face mask saves me whenever my skin gets dehydrated. I have tried what feels like hundreds of face masques, this one is definitely my favorite.” Her skin gets dehydrated? So without it her skin would be jerky? Skin gets dry, it doesn’t get dehydrated. DEHYDRATED??!?!?!?
Next is Dove Beauty Bar, about which she writes, “Sometimes the simplest products are simply the best. I have used this soap everyday in the shower for as long as I can remember and it’s the only product that doesn’t dry out my skin.” Doesn’t she mean it won’t “dehydrate” her skin? And “Sometimes the simplest products are simply” ANYTHING? Simplest simply?!? My head hurts.
About the Bobbi Brown Creamy Concealer Kit she writes, “This product is a miracle worker and is truly the one thing I can’t leave home without, it is a miracle for covering up under eye circles!!!” It’s the miracle worker that is, um, a miracle! Maybe she should cut down on her make-up budget for a week and buy a thesaurus.
On the Victoria’s Secret Beauty Rush Lip Gloss, Einstein, er, Meghan writes, “I know it’s kind of funny, but my favorite lip gloss is one I discovered checking out in line at Victoria’s Secret.” That’s not “kind of funny.” It’s not even a little funny. Maybe she should take two weeks off from make-up to buy a dictionary as well. And “…I discovered checking out in line..” What? It hurts to read.
The last product on her list is Purell Hand Sanitizer. That’s fine, that’s normal. I just wish they made Purell for the brain so I could wipe clean the memory of reading this post.