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The Luke & Jake Show

Don’t these guys have text for cheeseburger conversations?

As if online conversations weren’t demented enough, here we have Politico‘s Jake Sherman seeking cuisine recommendations from his BFF Luke Russert, NBC’s Capitol Hill Correspondent. (No doubt the Russert-loving and pathologically deranged* Noreen Malone of The New Republic will consider this post “pathologically vicious” because posts about cheeseburgers or dragonflies just are vicious. Too bad Noreen doesn’t actually do her homework before writing puff pieces? Luke did engage in light self-promotion by tweeting and retweeting his “Dateline” Debut 38 times in February 2012. Pointing that out was just, well, factual.)

Onto the conversation. Even Ellie Hall of BuzzFeed and Washington Examiner‘s Justin Green felt compelled to chime in.

SHERMAN: “Any restaurant recommendations in Modesto?”

RUSSERT: “In and Out Burger.”

SHERMAN: “Weak.”

ELLIE HALL: “Um, In-N-Out Burger is always the right decision.”

RUSSERT: “No @ellievhall it’s that @JakeSherman just wants to expense more than $12 bucks to @politico”

JUSTIN GREEN: “Sweet bros.”

SHERMAN: “I’m tight w company dollars. But I’m a no carb man.”

*Hey Noreen, let’s have lunch! Shake Shack?

This Week’s WTF Moment In the News

Man kills wife. We share. And Share. And share.

Yesterday in Miami, Derek Medina shot his wife to death and then posted a picture of her body on Facebook with a message that he was going to die and that he’ll miss all his friends. Obvious shock followed, as did the disgust. But here’s the worst part, from CNN: “The disgust did not prevent the commenters from sharing Medina’s photo. Again and again.” Get that? Again and again. We’ve turned ourselves into monsters.

Overworked? Need some vacation? Got a match?

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Presidential Broccoli Humor Falls Flat

Contrary to popular belief, not all politicians are laugh-out-loud funny all of the time. Some are never funny. Sure, reporters tend to laugh at lawmakers’ jokes even when they’re painfully unfunny – it’s ass kissing and it’s Washington and it happens. But even late-night host Jay Leno couldn’t save President Obama from his tired broccoli humor.

Last night Washington’s White House reporters stayed up late and suffered through Jay Leno‘s softball interview with Obama. At one point, obviously trying to be funny about first lady Michelle Obama‘s love of vegetables and the President’s claim to love broccoli, Jay threw in the favorite vegetable topic amid questions about the economy, Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), Russian President Vladmir Putin, lunch with former Sec. of State Hillary Clinton, and NSA leaker Edward Snowden. Though Jay brought up a number of relevant topics that the White House Press Corps. normally would, he didn’t push or press him on anything. Obama could easily come to the show with soundbites and talking points and do just fine.

You could almost hear the collective groan of White House reporters and other journalists who watched in awe (and by awe we mean disdain and ridicule). They used Twitter to emote.

“Already bored,” groused Sirius XM P.O.T.U.S. Channel “Press Pool” host  Julie Mason early on in the interview. American Urban Radio’s April Ryan jumped in, saying,  “Those who cover President daily are watching Leno to get the news of what the President has to say.” Mason, who formerly covered the White House, sniped, “Since we have no access.” She continued slamming the interview: “Making you laugh is more fun than actually tweeting this boring masturbatory interview.” And Ryan: This stuff is hilarious folks are saying. Girl! If they only knew how our lives are centered around Presidential activities”

Actually the toughest question might have been about the President’s love of broccoli. Read more

Woman Allegedly Canned From ‘Unnamed News Program’ For Trying to Snag Interview With Prince Harry

So,  an“Unnamed News Program” fires people for “unauthorized” emails to the Royal Press Secretary of Great Britain?

Please someone get in touch with us and let us know if employees at seasoned, respected news stations around Washington really must get permission from their bosses before sending email, because that’s essentially what a Tumblr post written by an alleged former UNP employee claims. It’s called: “I Got Fired and Somehow the World Hasn’t Ended…”

“Lala” wrote that three months after leaving New York City and heading to Arlington, Va. to work for UNP, her world turned upside down.  She explained, “On May 17th, I hit a speed bump when I got fired from my new job. No, not laid off. Fired. And I can’t help but wonder: is this what happens when we take risks? Should I, going forward, expect to be punished for moving outside my comfort zone and trying to do what’s in my heart?”

It gets worse.

“The on-paper reason I got fired was that I sent an unauthorized email to the Royal Press Secretary of Great Britain (yes, basically I got fired for trying to email my soul mate Prince Harry—please, laugh, it’s pretty amusing). The actual reason, however, was that my boss was a mean-spirited woman who didn’t like me because I told her she needed to stop being condescending and rude to me. Here’s the long and the short of it:

My boss—let’s call her “Becky”—seemed as though she was not on my side from the moment I got to Unnamed News Program. She wasn’t the person that hired me; the guy who hired me actually had left before I started my job, and Becky had taken his place. While the guy who hired me seemed pretty excited to have me on board, Becky seemed not as thrilled. Becky publicly chastised me, threw things at me when no one was looking, and made fun of me behind my back.” 

It’s one-sided obviously, so we don’t know what “Lala” was really like at work or whether or not her firing was deserved. No workplace could really be as uptight and hostile as the one she describes, right? Surely, not even UNP. Washington media outlets don’t take themselves this super seriously, do they?

Oh… wait. Never mind. Read more

This Week’s WTF Moments In the News

Every week, you guys find some stories so crazy we can hardly believe what we’re reading. Here’s this week’s picks:

Won’t someone please think of the strippers?

CNN says replacing paper dollars with coins could potentially save taxpayers billions—and there’s a bill before Congress to do just that (it’s not the first time this bill has popped up and gone nowhere, though) but In The Know says Senator John McCain has an even better rationale: it’ll help strippers. Think about it, if there are no $1 bills around to stuff down g-strings, guys are just going to have to move to higher denominations. Iron-clad logic from the Senator from Arizona. “The 76-year-old lawmaker began answering another reporter’s prying questions before cracking a smile and hollering to ITK down a Capitol hallway, ‘Fives, tens, one hundreds!’” Glad to know the Senator is thinking of the little people.

Was Rep. Mark Sanford out “hiking” again?

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Conan: New ‘Service’ For Technologically Impaired Sexting Policitians

Are you a Congressman (or former) whose privates keep showing up on TMZ for some reason? Well—Junk Squad has got you covered. Their motto: “We teach Congressman who weren’t born in the digital age how to send pictures of their penis safely, and discreetly.”

Yeah, this is a joke. It was Conan the other night (full clip after the jump). But, lucky for all you high-profile men out there having difficulties safeguarding your “digital bits and pieces,” we’ve got a couple real-life technological solutions that might help.

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WND Has a Survey They’d Like You To Answer

Every once in a while, we have to do things here at FishbowlDC that we’d really, really rather not, like reading this article at World News Daily. Article is a term we’re using loosely here, as it’s really a melange of video and pictures and opinions and song lyrics and prose sometimes so purple we had visions of the writer actually choking his words until their normal colors drained away.

It’s about some song some guy you never heard of wrote about his love for the female anchors on the Fox News Channel. Al Jazeera featured the video in a segment as it’s attracted quite a number of views on Youtube, and then posted the segment featuring the video to Youtube as well.

Then, Youtube’s automated—that, being the key word, automated—copyright enforcement mechanisms that it offers to large publishers took over and flagged the original video for review because the two songs matched. Neither WND nor the songwriter realize this, of course, and since WND never met a situation they can’t twist into an anti-Judeo-Christian-conservative conspiracy, we have this story.

That’s not even the best part.

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This Weeks WTF Moments in the News

Every once in a while, you guys write stories so crazy we can barely believe what we’re reading. Here’s a roundup of a few WTF moments from this week.

A New Kind of Cat Suit?

The Daily Caller says the city council in Lewisville, Texas had to clarify that things like body paint and liquid latex were not suitable coverings for employees at work after a restaraunt there—aptly named Redneck Heaven—started hosting “anything but clothes” days for its waitresses. “The waitresses interpreted this in a number of different ways, a popular way being only using body paint to cover their breasts.” Oh, and don’t worry, The Daily Caller has pictures.

1984, Corporate Style

Nowhere. That’s the answer to a question you probably didn’t think you had to ask until recently: where, exactly, am I safe from being tracked by either the government or mega corporations? Take this NYT story about Nordstrom using your cell phone to figure not just how often you visit their stores, but correlating that with surveillance camera images to get an idea of your age, your gender, and what you’re shopping for. The kicker? You never even have to connect your phone to a store network for this to work. That was followed by an ACLU report on the massive amounts of data the government is collecting using license plate scanners. Yeah, we have no expectation of privacy in public but maybe it’s time to look at the differences between what we can see and know in public with our human senses and what motion tracking, machine-reading algorithms can do. There’s a big gulf there. Read more

SHOCKER: Congressman’s Daughter Isn’t Actually His Daughter

Remember back during the State of the Union address when Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.) publicly tweeted a happy Valentine’s at a “stunning” college-aged model named Victoria Brink and everyone started screaming ‘AFFAIR!’ before they had all the facts? Then we found out Brink was actually Cohen’s out-of-wedlock daughter?

Well, after all that we actually still didn’t have all the facts. And neither did Cohen.

Turns out, according to Politico, a paternity test has revealed Brink isn’t actually Cohen’s daughter. But they look so much alike, right?! “I was stunned and dismayed at the results. I still love Victoria, hold dear the time I have shared with her and hope to continue to be part of her life,” the congressman said in a statement.

Apparently CNN arranged for the test with Brink’s cooperation, but Politico says he didn’t agree to appear on camera.

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This Week’s WTF Moments In the News

Man Sentenced to the Sidewalk

The Daily Caller tells us that a drug dealing robber in Milan, Domenico Codispoti, has been sentenced to house arrest, though there’s just one tiny little problem. He doesn’t have a house, he’s homeless. So the court says he has to be in his “sleeping area”—a sidewalk near the police station—from 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. every night until April 2014. Putting aside the fact that we’re not really sure how a story about a guy from Milan ended up in The Daily Caller, this is definitely a weird one. Turns out Codispoti actually asked to serve out his sentence in the station’s jail, but the police just told him ‘no.’ This is a little bit of stupid, and here in the U.S. it might not even pass Constitutional muster. There’s just one comment on the original story in the Italian paper La Stampa: “Cruel and unusual punishment, something the state knows only too well.”

Bet your mom’s not this cool… Read more