It’s gotten to the point where you have to wonder if Mediaite‘s White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher watches MSNBC’s Chris Hayes with a box of wet naps on standby.

This is moving beyond bromance and we don’t think it’s a stretch to think a marriage proposal may be in order. Or, if the network is looking for a devoted publicist for the show, they should look no further than Christopher, who posted a sticky sweet writeup last night on an Entertainment Weekly profile of MSNBC’s Up with Hayes. Christopher mistakenly refers to the show as “MSNBS‘s Up with Chris Hayes” — was he calling the network bulls–t? Was he all blinded with love that he forgot the name of the network? In the post, Christopher pretends to bemoan the “cool” factor Up has lost with its increase in popularity.

Christopher writes, “The magazine has a weekly circulation of around 1.8 million, [most] of which are being read by people who probably don’t watch Up, but might just give it a try now. The horror. Next thing you know, we’ll be watching a Very Special Up Wedding episode.”

Oh, Tommy!

Does Mediaite have an editor these days? More absurd gushing from Christopher’s post… Read more

Quotes of the Day

FALSE EYELASH ALERT: TWT‘s Senior Op-ed columnist Emily Miller tests out fake eyelashes for the first time. She appears pleased with the experience: “The TV makeup artist gave me false eyelashes today. First time in my life!”

Bret Baier takes another Twitter beating

Last week they hated his necktie.  This week FNC anchor Bret Baier reacts kindly to a follower just hating him and his work. Period. Truth3232 writes, “Your a hateful despicable sc#mbag with lies and hatefulness I’m sure your [sic] ashamed.” To which Baier replied, “Thanks for watching.”

Emotional journo

“Come on, Nats! This is when I start eating emotionally. #sweetpotatofries” — RCP‘s Erin McPike.

Female blogger declares her single status

“Just made it official on FB. I’m single and like men. In case there’s any confusion/single men with beach houses who want to ask me out.” — Conservative blogger Lisa De Pasquale.

Wanted: Hairdresser

“DC friends, I’m in desperate need of a haircut. Does anyone have any recommendations for a reasonably priced, skillful hairdresser/stylist?” — WaPo designer Tim Wong. (Calling famed RHOD stylist Paul Wharton: any recs?)

The Observer

“Oh Brooklyn… Woman sends back her orange juice because it’s not fresh-squeezed.” — HuffPost‘s Amanda Terkel.

Journo offers cold, harsh reality

“No one cares what TV show you are on this morning or anything to do with the brain dead presidential race. There is nothing but Jeter.” — Politico‘s Ben White who clearly forgot where he works this weekend amidst a sports binge.

Um, Grover is big?

“Girls displayed to ‘Big Dad’ their ‘campout’–a pile of all books and toys and blankets in center of room. Mom will be so happy or not.” — Americans for Tax Reform Prez Grover Norquist.

WETA seeks funds from 1-year-old

“WETA mailed my 1-year-old daughter a solicitation to become a supporting member. Getting ‘em young, PBS?” — Washington City Paper Editor Mike Madden.

Deep Thoughts With Chris Hayes: “The place where I and lots of others learned to write long — alt weeklies — have been absolutely destroyed.” — MSNBC’s Chris Hayes to BuzzFeed‘s Ben Smith.

Barnicle graces D.C.

“In DC today. Whole town sleepwalking through a baseball nightmare. Nobody paying attention, waiting for Storen to throw strike three.” — MSNBC “Morning Joe” regular Mike Barnicle.

The Heckler

“Michael Hastings on MSNBC? What — he couldn’t find a general to get fired this morning? #MSNBCFail” — The Daily Caller‘s TV writer Jeff Poor on BuzzFeed‘s Michael Hastings.

Convo among broadcast journos

This morning’s conversation is among ABC President Ben Sherman, Senior WH Correspondent Jake Tapper and ABC Senior Political Correspondent Jonathan Karl. Oddly, Tapper’s tweet on the bean incident has disappeared. Strangely Sherwood’s first bean tweet can’t be found, but he has a few subsequent remarks on it. Karl’s tweet remains intact.

SHERWOOD: I put that in the same category as lima beans.

TAPPER: I have studiously refrained from bringing up the shocking lima bean incident in a public venue.

SHERWOOD: Do not snub the butter bean!

KARL: The lima bean revelation was a shocking one.

In other Jake Tapper news… “1 month from today my book THE OUTPOST, comes out. More than 2 years in the making, I’ve never worked harder on any project in my life…1/2″ — Tapper.

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. How do you think the media in general has handled Mitt Romney winning the debate?

Like a kid walking in on their dad having sex with Santa Claus. I would have been concerned for the health of Chris Matthews, were I concerned at all about the health of Chris Matthews. MSNBC was like watching a room full of people who bet their life savings on a Mike Tyson win in the Buster Douglas fight. Looking on the bright side, it was some of the best comedy on any NBC network in a decade.

2. Do you think right-wing media is finally warming to Romney? Or is he just the best alternative for them?

You’re confusing issues. With the exception of pseudo-conservatives like David Frum and David Brooks, the right-wing has been behind Romney from the get-go. Just because their desire to beat President Obama burns with the heat of a thousands suns doesn’t mean the desire for a Romney victory doesn’t burn with the heat of 999 of them.

3. What did you think of Chris Matthews’ meltdown about Obama’s poor debate performance and his suggestion that Obama watch his show to prep for his next debate?

His leg was thrill-free and it was hilarious to watch. Saturday Night Live did a great job of mocking him over the weekend. But Chris wasn’t alone. His fraternal twin Ed Schultz was equally upset, as were identical twins Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes. The only MSNBCer who handled himself with any semblance of self-respect that night was Al Sharpton, who went right back to “Resisting We Much” without missing a beat.

The Daily Caller’s Matt Lewis was on vacation last week, so he was running “best of” columns to fill the void. The one he chose to run on Thursday gives Mediaite’s Tommy Christopher a run for his money in the “most pathetic and desperate ‘please book me on your show’ ass-kissing award.” Whereas Christopher kisses the asses of Chris Hayes and Cenk Uygur, Lewis at least spends his time kissing an ass that has some viewers – MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough.

Of the “Morning Joe” host, Lewis writes, “…Scarborough, host of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” arguably does more to advance conservative ideas than many of the more-celebrated conservative voices in America today. Primarily this is because — unlike those others — Scarborough isn’t just preaching to the choir.”

Before he left, the noted Twitter-butt-kisser told his followers that his column would be running “evergreen ‘greatest hits’ all week.” How a column he wrote back in his Politics Daily days and not one of the many DC pieces he’s authored in his time there qualifies as a “greatest hit” speaks volumes of what Lewis must think of his work at his current employer. Then again, he did say “evergreen” and Washington, ass-kissing never goes out of style.

While on vacation, Lewis found time to retweet his betrothed’s “Thank!” Will this lead to more bookings? Probably. But I mostly kid Matt because he’s notorious for retweeting praise from anyone on Twitter. I hope his vacation was enjoyable and his lips are rested, as I’m certain they’ll be put back to use in no time.

Quotes of the Day

Journo Love

“@NorahODonnell Norah! You are a rock star LOVED working with YOU! Killer blue eyes, nice & best of all SMART.. See you at the next thing.” — CBS’s Gayle King to Chief White House Correspondent Norah O’Donnell.

Cabbie wants to take journo to whore house

“Man, that cabbie was really making the hard sell on taking me to a brothel. Just trying to get a G-rated dinner, my man.” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman in Reno.

Convo Between Two Journos

“Finding Holmes’s Joker-colored hair really disconcerting.” — WaPo‘s Aaron Blake. Slate‘s Dave Weigel corrects him, saying, “Not Joker-colored! Joker’s hair is green.” Thanks Weigel!

Actor Adrian Grenier: “You want my vote @BarackObama? Start talking about climate change. Want to heal the economy? Talk jobs of the future.”

Important Question to Ponder: “Do the waitresses in Boston’s North End call everybody ‘hon’ or am I special?” — NYT‘s Mark Leibovich.

Dear Paterno Family…

“Dear Paterno family, please stop issuing panicky, nutty statements.” — HuffPost‘s Jason Cherkis.

Chris Hayes has an inflated sense of self-worth?

“A little perspective would inform Hayes’ inflated sense of self-worth, particularly when he attempts to demean the notable careers of others.” — Mediaite‘s Noah Rothman emoting about a TPM story on MSNBC’s Chris Hayes in which Hayes praised MSNBC (of course) and slammed FNC Prez Roger Ailes as unseasoned. As we remarked on Twitter Monday, watch out Noah. Your colleague Tommy Christopher (chairman of The I Love Chris Hayes Foundation) may have your head for this.

Be glad you’re not this man’s ex-boss

“Police: Man Stopped For Speeding Was Going To Kill Former Employer.” — WUSA9. See here.

Used to?

“I used to get squeamish at the sight of blood.” — Sam Husseini of the Institute for Public Accuracy and writer for dcstakeout.com.

Journo hate mail

“Mr. W. Blitzer is the most annoying of all T.V. presenters. He mostly likes to talk about himself. reminding us at nauseum how many presidents and other important persons he has interviewed. It is getting so boring that my husband and I are watching the BBC. — FBDC commenter Ursula Huggins-Whitney. Ouch, Urusula.

Quotes of the Day

Airlines and rental car companies, you’ve been warned: “Flying west to visit a bunch of #DigitalFirst newsrooms across Northern California.” — Steve Buttry, Director of Community Engagement at JRC and Digital First Media. Buttry, who has a penchant for voicing travel complaints, also writes, “If you want to appear to be a jerk, sit next to the charging stations & don’t plug in. (@ Gate D11)”

Quite a lineup: “TodayonToday: @chucktodd on #decision2012, latest on @TomCruise – #katieholmes agrmnt, @justinbieber‘s 911 call”

Drudge Channeling Ingmar Bergman? Front page: All the pictures are black and white this morning. They include Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, President Obama, Brad Pitt and more.

Important Question to Ponder: “Can I get a crowd source here? Is Tommy Christopher’s real name Tom McNulty or Thomas Beller. Also, why’s he pretending to be someone else?” — Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson. Mediaite White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher, a liberal and disciple to MSNBC’s Chris Hayes, has been feuding with The Daily Caller for months, most recently lashing out in a story Monday on the “tragic death” of the Akron diner owner who died hours after meeting President Obama. Christopher was appalled that The Daily Caller could be so insensitive to the 70-year-old woman who died of a heart attack. The pub tweeted that “Obama might have lost a vote in Ohio,” drawing the ire of several Washington reporters.

Speaking of media reporters who spend their days clashing with those who don’t agree with their politics and kissing up to Chris Hayes (oh, hi Tommy!), Christopher (pictured below right) got himself into a nasty dust-up Monday night with Dale Jackson (pictured below left), a conservative Hunstville, Ala. radio host.

Jackson: “Ha. @tommyxtopher is hilarious, scolding people on civility hours after tweeting unfunny fat jokes.” Read a story by Christopher in which he offers Chris Hayes a bunch of “unfunny” fat jokes against Rush Limbaugh for Hayes to “disapprove of.” Tommy, who admits that he once weight about 100 pounds heavier, marveled that during a weekend show His Majesty Hayes gently scolded AEI’s Norm Ornstein for making a Limbaugh fat joke.

Christopher: “Yeah, you’re real dumb. Your charge relies on the comparison. Damn, you’re dumb, even for a conservative radio host.”

Jackson: “And I am not saying @tommyxtopher is wrong about how crass the @DailyCaller was but at least make it hard for people to call you a hypocrite.

Christopher: “If you’ve got the stones, I’d be happy to show both of your listeners just how dumb you are. Let me know, we’ll work it out.”

Jackson: “Anytime. I just don’t understand why a guy who created an unfunny Rush Limbaugh is so fat slide show is so sensitive…”

Christopher: “Who the fuck said I was sensitive? That’s the whole point. Even a fucking asshole like me knows The DC went too far.”

Jackson: “If you do come on I’m going to need you to come up with something better than ‘you are dumb’ (3 of your 4 tweets to me)”

And finally….Jackson: “I said you were sensitive, mostly because you are ranting like a psycho.”

Peter Ogburn contributed to this report.

C-SPAN Announcer: “David from St. Joseph Missouri, Republican Line”

Uh oh. This should have been MSNBC host Chris Hayes‘s first alarm bell that this wasn’t going to go well. Hayes appeared on C-SPAN’s “Washington Journal” this morning to discuss his new vampire book, Twilight of the Elites: America After Meritocracy. Despite the early hour, the typically caffeinated-laced Hayes was already bouncing off the walls when this call came in. Noteworthy: Hayes managed to insult veterans like the man below on Veterans Day when he said he was uncomfortable with calling fallen soldiers heroes. He later apologized.

“Oh Mr. Hayes,” sneered the male caller in a nasally voice. “Not only am I a Republican, I am a conservative and a veteran, so I know with a  lefty like you that doesn’t count for much, but I’ll make this plain and simple. You’re always going after the people that create the jobs, but you never care about people like [George] Soros who make their money and support your causes by tearing down countries like ours. You don’t care about the labor unions that use violence and crime that force their way down our throats if you don’t do what they want… You want a socialist country where the government controls everything.”

The host jumped in and directed Hayes to respond. At which point Hayes went on a wonky, professorial rampage.

“I certainly don’t want a country in which the government controls and dictates everything,” said Hayes. “We’ve seen what that looks like both in right wing fascist regimes and left wing communist regimes. The caller used the term socialism. Socialism obviously is a term that has been leveled at the President. I just think it’s really really important when we think about what kind of a society, what kind of vision we want, that there are a lot of different capitalist democracies in the world, and there’s just a huge different set of institutional arrangements in what a mixed economy and what a capitalist democracy with a welfare of social safety net looks like, where you draw the line between what the market should provide, what government should provide and how it should provide it. I think in America sometimes this conversation gets reduced into the idea that we either do it the American way or we have socialism. The playing field is wide open. We can choose all sorts of different sets of institutional arrangements, some of which might be much worse than what we have now, some of which might be better. I think we  should keep ourselves open to looking towards different types of institutional arrangements that are going to produce a society with affluence, with shared prosperity, with less inequality and less prone to crisis, frankly, than the one we have. I don’t think it’s helpful to describe any effort to look to that as socialism.”

Hazy Thought Bubble: ‘I Got Press Goddammit!’

Warning: This post may draw the deep ire of journo “Upper” and Mediaite White House Correspondent Tommy Christopher.

This weekend MSNBC host Chris Hayes (whom we affectionately call Hazy) got an abundance of press attention on account of his 8-month-old show “Up With Chris Hayes” and book, Twilight of the Elites: America After Meritocracy. The fun began on Saturday when the NYT released his Sunday Style section profile:

Grossest graph in the story: Author: “He had arrived.” Hayes: “It meant the show is known,” said Mr. Hayes, 33, who says he has never met the singer. “He was confident enough to make the joke and think he’d get a laugh.” This graph comes in a close second for worst:  “I like the fact that it’s dialogic, small-d ‘democratic,’ ” Mr. Hayes said of his show. “We’re all sitting at the same table, we’re creating the public sphere in miniature. I was going to say, ‘We’re going to model Habermasian communicative action,’ but that’s excessively pretentious.”  Read the entire vomitfest here.

The media blitz continued into Sunday night when Politico’s Patrick Gavin featured him in an “Answer This” questionnaire. In Hazy’s case, it was quite revealing. But what we’re most amazed about is he had ULTIMATE CONTROL here over what he wrote and this is what he chose to say about himself in 16 responses. We’ll highlight a sampling…

1. Question: Tell us your favorite joke. Translation of his answer: I have no sense of humor.

7. Question: Favorite body part. Translation of his answer: I’m in love with my forearms. They never fail me no matter how fat I get.

10. Question: Pet peeves. Translation of his STUPID answer: Stupid is the stupidest insult on the face of the stupid Earth.

11. Question: Frequency that he Googles himself. Translation of his answer: CONSTANTLY.

Quotes of the Day

“Getting ready for my new gig at @CNN. Is @wolfblitzer ready for THIS?!?!” — CNN’s newest employee John Berman, who is going to work on CNN’s morning program “Early Start.”

TV anchor shows off necklace

“Wearing today.. Awesome gift from sis. Necklace that doubles as a looking glass.” — NBC Washington’s Angie Goff.

In Seersucker Hell

“At a summer wedding in Georgia. There is seersucker here. Kill me.” — RedState.com Contributor Jeff Emanuel.

Douchey or Doocy?

“Pistachios- smart snack on a NY to DC train? The man next to me seems to think so #AreWeThereYet? #Amtrak” — FNC’s Peter Doocy. We’re calling Doocy on this one. Pistachio eaters are the WORST.

Journo Love

“@washingtonweek Gwen, has anyone ever told you that you have really awesome reporters on your roundtable?” — WaPo‘s Karen Tumulty to PBS’s Gwen Ifill.

And Journo Hate

“Good luck @michellemalkin finishing 3rd grade. Your classmates wouldn’t sound as stupid/uninformed on TV as you did today on FNC.” — Current TV’s David Shuster to Conservative Commentator Michelle Malkin. He continued, “Maybe @michellemalkin didn’t bother to read anything on today’s topic because the words had too many syllables for her.” Shuster got his panties in a twist about Malkin saying that “the privilege claim proves Obama was at center of F&F. She was wrong + should apologize.” Last week Shuster attacked MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell for running what many have deemed to be a shortened, biased clip of a Mitt Romney campaign speech involving Wawa convenient stores.

Spotted: If journos wanted to interview D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton this weekend, they would have found her at Home Depot Saturday afternoon buying flowering plants. She was solo, dressed in beige with dark shades and appeared to be in good spirits.

Spotted: Sen. Schumer’s flak Brian Fallon

“Spotted @brianefallon going into fudruckers. Apparently flaking makes you hungry for fried mounds of delicious pink slime.” — Outgoing Roll Call reporter and new Buzzfeed D.C. Bureau Chief John Stanton.

Journo to airline: F&@k you!

“Fuck you, United Express pilot and your low-altitude hard bank turns on final. I’ll punch you in your face.” — Mother Jones National Security reporter Adam Weinstein.

Unnecessary Tweet of the Day

“Rather improbably, I seem to be listening to a new Smashing Pumpkins album.” — Slate‘s second-tiered Boybander Matt Yglesias. He could have also easily won the prize for this: “New personal first: used duct tape to repair a duct.” Hey Matty, how about wrapping it over your typing fingers?

It’s Friday, which means it’s time for another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple, funny and insightful.

1. What if MSNBC decides to go with Megan McCain to fill the 3pm slot?

Can you fill a void with a void? I think science is against that being possible. MSNBC can’t have two hosts who can’t read a teleprompter, and they already have Al Sharpton, so it seems unlikely. While the network is a joke, I doubt highly they want to directly compete with Comedy Central, so there’s no way this happens. On the other hand, it would be viewing gold…for comedy, not ratings. America has proven time and again that we don’t care what Meghan McCain thinks about anything, which would make her a ratings natural for MSNBC, but even they aren’t that crazy.

2. What do you think of Chris Hayes‘ new book, the Twilight of Elites: America After Meritocracy?

I, like the vast majority of Americans, tend not to think about Chris Hayes. His new book is the print version of “Up with Chris,” a relentless whining about how unfair everything is. I doubt highly Chris’ contract negotiations with MSNBC involved making sure he wasn’t paid significantly more than his show’s staff or that everyone got a raise and made as much as he did. In fact, I’d bet he has no idea how much his staff makes, and doesn’t care. I’m always annoyed by people who make a lot of money by complaining that people don’t make a lot of money, people who complain about the “unfairness of capitalism” while raking in the benefits of capitalism and calling for an end to it. You’d think someone who is successful through hard work would extol the virtues of hard work to get ahead, but in today’s unjustified high self-esteem society, where reward has been separated from actual accomplishment, I’m sure Chris will sell a lot of books. You’ll never go broke telling a bunch of unthinking losers they’re not failures because they didn’t take risks or bust their asses but because someone else or “the system” is screwing them over. It’s the Michael Moore business model and it makes people rich.

3. What do you think of all the calls for The Daily Caller‘s Neil Munro to be fired? You think he should be?

Was it rude? Sure. Was it the end of the world? Absolutely not. I thought asking questions was the media’s job? I could be wrong about that, you don’t see it much anymore, but when the President, any President, announces he’s bypassing Congress and changing the law on his own, the media’s job is to ask questions, not just take notes. The White House Press Corps is too content be stenographers or cheerleaders these days. I’d prefer they adopt the philosophy that every President is named Bush and act accordingly. They won’t, they can’t put aside the fact that they’re anxiously awaiting their absentee ballot so they can re-vote for Obama with all the joy Ralphie had waitng for his Little Orphan Annie decoder ring in A Christmas Story. That fact is bringing about the death of journalism, so it’s not surprise that someone would suffer some death throes and shout a question to a President not known for being questioned or being particularly good at answering them. Should he be fired? Hell no!