Is Facebook starting to feel a little like Big Brother? Do you find yourself searching for cameras and other spy implements hidden in your laptop? (If so, you’re getting paranoid. Take a pill and lie down.)

Well, if you really want to look over the treasure trove of your personal data that now belongs to Zuckerberg and company, just follow these simple instructions (provided by the good people at Business Insider) to find what your “private” Facebook profile looks like—and how the service classifies you for its paid advertisers.

The database essentially includes everything you’ve ever done on the site–and more. One fact that will surprise many users: Your account’s default privacy setting allows the service to access your smartphone’s address book and catalog contact info for all your friends and family—and even after you change your settings, there’s no way to permanently delete this data. A separate page records every Facebook ad that you’ve ever clicked. For the most part, these pages don’t contain too much information, because everybody hates the very ads that this database was designed to improve! Score one for progress!

The most interesting aspect of the report may be the list of characteristic hashtags that Facebook assigns to each user–hashtags that may then be analyzed by advertisers to better target their spots. Aren’t you curious to learn which words represent your value to advertisers?

We highly recommend that everyone who uses Facebook request this report. The database is fascinating, and it also hints at the legal problems that could fall into Facebook’s lap if anyone ever manages to hack it.