Anheuser-Busch, maker of such top-quality “beers” as Budweiser, Michelob and Stella Artois, isn’t playing nice in the face of a lawsuit filed by former employees who claim the brewery illegally waters down its products.

Yesterday the company took the opportunity to simultaneously mock its accusers and call attention to its CSR efforts by publishing a print version of this campaign spot in 10 major U.S. newspapers:

Our guarantee to you: We take our beer and our brewing process seriously. Read more: twitter.com/Budweiser/stat…

— Budweiser (@Budweiser) March 3, 2013

Not only did this ad give Bud a chance to brag about the purity of its products; it also reminded fans that the company donates millions of cans of drinking water (complete with the full Anheuser-Busch logo) to The American Red Cross and other disaster relief organizations.

Whoa there, guys. Didn’t your mom teach you that no one likes a braggart?

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Today we were shocked to learn that some people think Anheuser-Busch InBev, the world’s largest “brewery”, makes products that closely resemble alcohol-flavored water! But that’s not all: According to three $5M lawsuits filed by customers in three different states, the company skirts the law by adding water to Budweiser, Michelob and other famously awful beers, then “overcharg[ing]” customers and “unjustly enrich[ing]” itself by printing inaccurate alcohol content percentages on its packaging.

Oh, and before you ask, frat boys: these allegations apply to Natty Ice as well.

Of course AB InBev reps deny it all with highfalutin language about adhering “to the highest standards in brewing our beers”. But the brand should get ready for a bruising: the info supposedly comes from former employees at its 13 American breweries. Attorney Josh Boxer says that “We believe this is a corporate policy that comes from AB InBev and trickles down.” Touche, sir!

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