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CBS Warns Grammy Performers: No Boobs, Butts or Crotches!

To PR News‘s “7 Media Relations Tips for Joe Flacco” list we’d like to add: Don’t drop the F-bomb on live TV! The uptight ninnies at the FCC got a little upset about Flacco’s apparent resemblance to a drunken sailor after the Parents Television Council insisted that they investigate CBS for failing to bleep the offending word.

CBS is also airing the 55th Grammy Awards this Sunday, and we’re guessing that the Flacco incident may have inspired the network’s standards and practices department to issue this ridiculous email warning to the performers’ managers and publicists.

The full message has to be seen to be believed (emphasis ours):

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could  possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible “puffy” bare skin exposure. Please avoid commercial identification of actual brand name products on T-shirts. Foreign language on wardrobe will need to be cleared. OBSCENITY OR PARTIALLY SEEN OBSCENITY ON WARDROBE IS UNACCEPTABLE FOR BROADCAST. This as well, pertains to audience members that appear on camera. Finally, The Network requests that any organized cause visibly spelled out on talent’s wardrobe be avoided. This would include lapel pins or any other form of accessory.

No “actual brand name products”? No “organized causes”? No audience members with “partially seen obscenity” on their clothing? No “‘puffy’ bare skin exposure?” (Psst…we think we can see Rihanna’s “bare fleshy under curves” in the pic above. Someone call the FCC!)

It’s almost like the folks at CBS just ignored the last fifty years of pop music! Oh, and if they’re so concerned with maintaining standards, why the hell do they keep inviting Chris Brown?

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