Ford announced today an "It's OK if you lose your job or can't afford the car we just sold you because we'll just pay for it for you like Hyundai" program today, presumably so you'll go buy one of their cars. To incentivize you further: 0% interest on certain Ford, Lincoln, Mercury vehicles. If the "Ford Advantage Plan" feels like a lotion-less HJ, read on; the auto-maker somehow has $700 a month for you, times 12 months, if you lose your job.

Right about now you're wondering what the Hyundai Assurance Plan offers: A piddly 3 months of coverage (and no Ford Fiesta Movement). Hyundai does however offer negative amortization protection, but that's boring. Yippee.

But who cares, because none of this even matters. It's all a tactic to get Americans who can afford a new car to feel comfortable with spending the dough. It's like insurance, except this time it'll be different, right? No one will just start taking advantage of the system and then one by one defaulting on their payments so that Ford has to come up with a bunch of cash at once, right? That could never happen.

If you ask Hyundai, it's all one big goof because according to this one guy who works there, no one has used the program yet. As in zero people, people. That's probably why Hyundai tacked the Plus thing (they pay your loan for three months, then you can sell the car back), and it's also likely why Ford felt confident to offer a full year, times $700 a month, in support. Hell that'd pay the monthly, gas and insurance for a decent mpg, mid-sized car with a careful driver.

Ford probably figures they can give away the moon since they're going under soon anyway, right? It's like when we used to actually use checks and if your bank account had run dry and the repo guy was at your door you'd be like, "let me write you a check."

Whatevs, if you can't afford to buy a new car, take the bus. WTF is wrong with us? Oy.

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More: "Reality In Auto Advertising: The 'Hyundai Assurance Program'"