Ahh yes, what better time to dust off the ol’ blind item category than with this little ditty that showed up in the tips box last night. A management supervisor at a certain fairly well-known San Francisco agency appears to be on the hunt for a husband, and by golly, she’ll crowdsource if she has to in order to land one. Is she “wookin pa nub” in all the wrong places? Well, only time will tell we suppose. As you’ll see below, there’s $10,000 up for grabs if it all works in the end. We’ve redacted the name, though, as we don’t to add insult to injury if this idea backfires (we’ve been told though that this is “dead serious” and that she’s “already gotten 100 potential dates”), so read on and take your guesses.

“Hi to my most favorite friends,

Remember that time I offered you $10,000 to find me a husband? Me neither. But we both will in about one minute and forty five seconds.

I just finished the book “Lean In.” And whether you’re a fan of this feminist social movement is neither here nor there. What is here is an idea that came to me after reading this book. I thought, “I get it, I need to sit at the table. I need to be deeply committed to becoming a leader.” Got it. I’m on it. And then I thought, “It’s 11PM on a Sunday night, I’m single, I just had to squirt dish soap on leftover pizza so I wouldn’t eat 2 more slices and this is the second self-help book I’ve read this month.”

And then it was as if Sheryl Sandberg and Patti Stanger bitch slapped me across the face with a soaking wet “stop being single” towel. If I wanted a new job, would I sit in the lobby of the employer’s building just hoping that someone would offer me my dream job? No. If I want a husband, will he just show up out of thin air and ask me to hang out with him for the rest of his life? No. Okay—maybe if I looked like Kate Upton. But I don’t. (However, in 2005 the freshman class of my sorority did say that Charlize Theron was my doppelganger. Yes, we might have been hazing them. Yes, they might have been blind folded. But they said it.) So yeah, I’m not Kate Upton. You get the point.

And so I’m writing you today because I’ve decided to make an aggressive action plan on finding that one fella that I get to hang out with forever. And I’ve recognized two things that are important to this plan: (1) a great percentage of marriages are the result of introductions by friends and (2) most people do not give a lot of thought about introducing one of their single friends to another one of their single friends. I get it. Introducing me to my husband is just not high on your to-do list. But I think I have an idea that might change that…

I will personally give ten thousand dollars to the friend who introduces me to my husband.

Here is how the referral program works:
Step 1: You set me up on a date with a man
Step 2: I marry that man
Step 3: I give you $10,000 on my wedding day

I know you’re thinking that this is nuts. Just plain crazy. “[Redacted], you can find a husband without dishing out $10,000.” Well for starters, thank you – I’m flattered. And secondly, I totally agree. But the reality is finding a husband always costs money. I just collected 1,000 insider points from Sephora and this isn’t because I buy beauty products to impress my 4-year old nephew.

To substantiate this offer, I have the complete support and admiration from my parents—who are both included on this email.

So, remember that time I offered you $10,000 to find me a husband? Me too.

Always and forever,
[redacted]”

 

It’s time to dust off the blind item category once again as we received a couple of tips on this and are still checking in on things, but since we’re getting the cold shoulder, figure it’s best to leave it our readership to decide. Here’s the last word from the Spy line that we received over the weekend. Feel free to weigh in. Names have obviously been redacted, but it does involve a holding company you’re all familiar with and one employee (at least) who seems to have had it.

“[Redacted} ad agencies continue to be on salary freezes. Some employees haven't had a raise in 4-6 years. [Redacted] profits continue to rise, as does executive compensation. But for 95% of employees, wages have actually gone down when you factor in real increases like medical, dental premium increases, etc.”

Hmm, maybe it was that pesky payroll tax that played into the mix? Whatever the case, we’ll keep looking into this.

It’s that time again to dust off the ol’ blind item category. While the overall tone of this note gives one the sense that someone’s trying to light a fire,  you can pretty much tell that the author is on their way out the door one way or another. Anyhow, this alleged note sent by a frustrated staffer to his/her CMO at a rather well-known national retail chain mentions a couple of names that we’ve redacted, but you get the gist that whoever typed this up intended to go out guns blazing. Read on and feel free to weigh in if you’d like.

“What are you doing? No, really, what are you doing? Do you enjoy having a department that scratches their head at your every move…a department that’s mystified that you decided to retain [redacted] and [redacted], the 2 most life sucking innovation-lacking, uninspiring, micro-managing sociopaths, but eliminating [redacted], after two other well liked and respected Sr. Leaders leave? Is this what your consulting background has taught you? If so, it’s a waste of an education.

Read more

We’ve been hearing about this since the weekend, and now a tipster has sent us a screen grab of an all-staff email that certainly appears to have been delivered by a certain higher-up at a certain Canadian agency. Apologies for the small image size, but we had to do a little trimming in order to protect the innocent and/or possibly drunk involved in this note, which came with the subject line, “It’s 3:37 am in Sweden.” We”ll leave it you to squint and play Columbo to figure this one out.

Why do we think this is not an anomaly? And no, sorry, that’s not the agency we’re hinting at but another, rather familiar one whose West Coast operations is having some issues with staffing. Well, why spoil the rest, here’s what we’ve heard thus far:

“Apparently, the managing director of a certain San Francisco agency with a major retention problem has taken to asking employees from other floors to sit near reception when clients or prospective clients will be in the building
as seat fillers so it doesn’t look so empty.”

Lordy, if only The Pitch could add this to mix for its surprising resurrection. Take it away, ladies and gents.

Let’s shake off the Turkey Day rust with a tidbit we’ve actually been hearing about since Nov. 11 to be exact. We’ve brought this up to friends at the agency supposedly involved in this blind ditty, but since we’ve yet to receive the actual memo/item in question, we’ve slept on it. But, thanks to a tipster who woke us up this morning, we might as well dust things off, send a smoke signal and let you know that a certain memo went out to an entire region within a certain well-known agency network that included an attachment that, well, revealed a little TMI. Here’s the first tip we received and subsequent ones (all from different IPs) below:

Nov. 11: “I can’t be the only one sending you the story of <redacted>, Head of HR for <redacted>, who, on Friday, accidentally sent an agency-wide email with an attachment that listed everyone’s salary. Needless to say there are a lot of people dusting off their resumes and looking for other employment.”

Nov. 12: “<Redacted> entire staff salaries emailed out by director of hr <redacted>. Vast differences in salaries in similar positions.  Bosses making less than people who report to them. Women making less than half of men in same position.  Lots of different probably lawsuit worthy examples.”

Nov. 12: “Might be worth checking into the <redacted> scandal going on right now. Apparently a company wide email went out with the title. ‘Everyone’s Current Salary.’ How’s that for juicy gossip?”

So, yes, tipster from this morning, we have heard about it and we appreciate you refreshing our memory. Obviously, this is a pretty sensitive issue, which perhaps explains why we haven’t received much in the way of tangible info. But, if anyone has more that we can roll with or can just give us an update, don’t hesitate to shout.

And now, our second internal memo-based blind item, which veers from new agency mandates set forth in the wake of Sandy to what seems like just a frustrated higher-up at a well-known, say, non-traditional agency who’s had it with tardiness on his/her own watch. Folks, in this house, 9am means 9am, no ifs, ands, faulty alarm clocks, oversleeping, hangovers and buts. It begins with a quote from wordsmith George Bernard Shaw, who once said, “Better never than late,” and segues into what you see after the jump. We get the feeling, though, that this type of message isn’t too uncommon regardless of the workplace, though as we all know, it’s always Bob in accounting’s fault.

Read more

We received a somewhat interesting memo from a spy over the weekend that perhaps sheds a bit more light on how Hurricane Sandy has affected the agency world here in the tri-state area, especially in New York. You’ve seen the reports in various trades about agencies having to huddle up in makeshift offices, around conference tables, at hotel ballrooms and even apartments just to keep the work going. Well, the Sandy ripple effect continues in the industry as evidenced by this note sent to staffers at a certain familiar unit housed within a global agency network.

Thanks to the superstorm, the higher-ups had no other option than to channel their inner Bill Lumbergh’s and take “extraordinary measures” to keep the ball rolling. We get the feeling that this certain agency, though, is probably not the only one to enact something like this in the wake of Sandy. One snippet’s below, read in full after the jump and draw your own conclusions.

Read more

Let’s dust off the blind item category for a hot minute and bring you this quick memo that we’ve been assured is legit and was sent to staff earlier this week after someone was caught being a bit naughty on the phone. The message here, which came from HR we’ve been told, can be easily summed up by this classic quote from the original Office. Anyways, take your guesses, people.

“Hi all,

Just a heads up ….

Just figured I’d mention that the phone booths are not sound proof.

As a matter of fact, it’s safe to assume that everyone around those general areas can hear conversations that take place in a phone booth.

As much as we all enjoy hearing some of the colorful conversations that tend to take place within those ‘non-soundproof’ walls – it may be appropriate to have them outside of the office or … maybe quieter … ?

Thanks,

[redacted]“

We have received word on multiple ends that this is 100 percent legit, and it apparently has drawn the ire, as you’d imagine, of many female staffers at a certain well-known, Midwestern agency. Why? Well, because this was sent to 50+ certain “dudes” and those not of the XY chromosome at said agency caught wind. So, is this just a guys’ day out, a higher-up at a pretty notable agency bringing out his true bro colors, or is this overreaction? To protect those in the matter, we’ve redacted the incriminating info (sorry) but here’s the official body of the email verbatim that was sent at lunchtime yesterday:

“Hey dudes,

MeatFest is this Saturday at 6 pm in my backyard. The rules are simple. Meat. Booze. Dudes.
No chicks. No Veggies. No tofu. (Bread is permissable but only to sop up juices or as a bun.)

I know I have missed a shit ton of guys (You think it’s easy to organize this crap?) so if I you know someone who is:

A) a dude
B) not a chick
C) like meats
D) likes booze.

….Feel free to bring them. And if someone whines because they were left off this list, tell them to stop being a baby and just show up. It was an honest mistake.

T-shirts have not yet been ordered. Let me know your size if you want one. They will be about 10 bucks. Design is being revised due to a white ink shortage.

I’ll try to have enough beer on hand and a ton of meat. But if you have a meat specialty that you make, bring it on. If you are just going to bring shitty hot dogs, don’t bother. We’re totally up scale.

My address is
<redacted>
Google location
<redacted>
Google directions from the office:
<redacted>”