When advertising golden child Alex Bogusky announced he was going to save the world through his new COMMON collective project, we were quite eager to see what international injustice Bogusky’s crew would rescue us from. Perhaps he would finally resolve that whole conflict in the Middle East. Perhaps he would end poverty once and for all. Perhaps, if we were really lucky, he would kill off Flo from Progressive Insurance.

But, as we see with his new collaboration with the Center for Science in the Public Interest called “The Real Bears,” he’s fighting a much tougher battle: sugary soft drinks that are killing our polar bears via Type 2 diabetes. Alex, you are not the hero we deserve, but the hero that we need right now. You see, all those polar bears drowning in the Arctic Circle are doing so as a result of a deal gone horribly awry with Coca-Cola. At first, it seemed like a match made in heaven–Coca-Cola gives polar bears festive scarves and igloos in exchange for all polar bears drinking exclusively Coca-Cola. But, as we see, this deal as left polar bears without limbs, sexual appetites, or even the self-esteem to look at their fat asses in the mirror at night.

The bears aren’t the only people suffering from soda addiction. I had a driver’s ed teacher in high school who subsisted off of four 2-liter bottles of Dr. Pepper a day (not kidding). Suffice it to say, he was not a model of health. “I’ve had my share of soda, and I don’t imagine a world without it,” says Bogusky in the “Real Bears” announce, likely toweling off from climbing a mountain to feed a baby bird whose mother was killed by a terrible Mountain Dew: Code Red binge. “But sugary drinks have gone from an occasional treat to an every-occasion beverage. This project attempts to contrast the marketing hype around soda with the stark reality, and it is my hope that it makes a small contribution to a critical cultural awakening.”

So, dear consumers of terrible soft drinks, are you awakened? Does the voice of our generation, Jason Mraz, make you weep sugary tears for your children? Credits after the jump.

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