You work at an agency, and for some reason you have the word ‘executive’ in your title. This causes you alarm because you’re only 23, but let’s not get mired in details. You need to impress the boss, a goal that is only hampered by the fact that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing (don’t worry, neither does anyone else), and that every time you talk someone threatens to fire you. You better get some tools, fast. Luckily, you have a smartphone. Here’s the quintessential app list for you, Mr./Ms./Mrs./pansexual advertising account executive.

1. CNBC Real Time

As an advertising person, you make decisions (haha, no you don’t) based on real time info. Strategy, research, data; these are more than just words you remember from high school and sometimes hear in meetings, they’re actual things people create/do/collect as part of their jobs. But not you, because you’ve got CNBC Real Time.

Fire up this app when you need to impress that client with your counting skills (standing record for an account exec: 147) or when the boss lady walks by. Read the words you find in this app, and literally repeat them verbatim during meetings for an extra dose of savvitude. Whip out CNBC-RT in the elevator when you want to make that girl from strategy think twice about letting you have her digits, because nothing says “Do Me” like quarterly earnings reports and IPO valuations, am I right? I’m right.
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In the past, Rico the weird New Zealand Air spokespuppet has partied with celebrities ranging from Snoop Dogg to David Hasselhoff. In this episode of “On the Skycouch with Rico,” the squirrel/marsupial puppet sits down with notorious Hollywood bad girl, Lindsay Lohan, who was serving her time under house arrest after stealing a $2500 necklace.

During the nearly five-minute run time of this video, Rico compares Lohan’s breasts to Kim Kardashian‘s, gets some canned laughs with risque malapropisms (“papsmearazzi” is apparently a winner) and bestows expensive looking necklaces on Lohan, saying, “Don’t worry. They’re paid for.” Is New Zealand Air attempting to compete with Spirit Airlines for the number one spot among airlines whose advertising is wrought with dirty jokes about shamed celebrities? As one commenter on NY Magazine‘s entertainment site points out, is the fact that Lindsay made money while under house arrest sadder than the infomercial itself?