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Posts Tagged ‘Lovie Smith’

Two by Four Calls the Chicago Bears ‘Monsters,’ Rest of NFL Laughs

It’s the dawn of the 2012 NFL season, which means it’s time remember a bunch of reasons why the Chicago Bears totally suck. Let’s see, there’s their awful coach (Lovie Smith) who has absolutely no concept of when to throw a challenge flag, their wholly unlikable quarterback (Jay Cutler) who just married a wholly unlikable reality TV star (Kristin Cavallari) and sired what will inevitably become a wholly unlikable child (Blaine or something), their awful stadium (Soldier Field) which not only has the worst turf in football, but happens to have the smallest seating capacity despite being located in the NFL’s second-biggest TV marketing, that fact that they’re trying to make their only player that is actually very good at something (Devin Hester, returning kicks) into something that he isn’t good at (catching footballs), the city is still stuck living in 1985…

Yes, I could go on. As a Packers fan, the 2012 Bears make me quite happy. However, as a Chicagoan, there’s nothing worse than hearing everyone at my office constantly whine about how awful the Bears are. So, credit local shop Two by Four for attempting to instill some sense of pride in the Bears, which will be gone by week 1 when it becomes clear that Brian Urlacher‘s injury-filled career is finally ending. Set against the background of the city skyline, Bears stars like, uh, Patrick Trahan take on opposing players with primal ferocity.

Two by Four tells us to “Believe in Monsters,” which is pretty hilarious when you consider that the scariest thing about playing the Bears is playing on Soldier Field’s ankle-devouring turf. Even the home team hates playing on that.

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Illinois Lottery Unleashes Prizes, Marbles on Chicago

As the MLB regular season comes to an end today, so too do a pair of dismal seasons for the Chicago White Sox and the Chicago Cubs. The Bears certainly don’t look any better than last year, and a lockout could prevent the Bulls from even playing this season. Tack onto that a state budget deficit scheduled to hit $5 billion by next summer, and it’s clear that the people of Illinois need quite a pick-me-up as the frigid winter nears.

Luckily, the state lottery is here to give Illinoisans a bit of optimism, and a new campaign from Energy BBDO is promising more prizes for players than all of the windows in all of downtown Chicago’s buildings. To emphasize that point, the agency imagined 7.6 million marbles, one for each prize, released in Millennium Park in the Chicago Loop. Watch as the marbles spread chaos throughout the streets of Chicago, from poisoning squirrels to causing movers to drop expensive pianos.

Also, might we add that the lottery will create 25 new millionaires? Watch a millionaire parade below and consider that at this point, buying your body weight in scratch-offs is probably less of a gamble than keeping Bears’ QB Jay Cutler and head coach Lovie Smith for another season.