It’s a safe bet that former Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-R.I.) is on his best behavior this week as he helps his cousin, Christopher Kennedy Lawford, on his book tour for the newly published Recover to Live: Kick Any Habit, Manage Any Addiction.

Wow. Any habit or addiction?

Both men are well-known for being recovering addicts. Tonight the duo is at a Barnes & Noble on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. Later in the month, Lawford is scheduled to swing by some book shops in beachy Florida towns like Vero Beach and West Palm. On Jan. 16, the pair will appear together again at Harvard with a physician from the university’s medical school. On January 18, Kennedy and Lawford will appear at Washington, D.C.’s Politics & Prose at 7 p.m. for a talk followed by at Q & A discussion. On the 19th Lawford will be at the Barnes & Noble in Bethesda at noon.

Noteworthy: MSNBC “Hardball” host Chris Matthews, who has something of an interrupting problem, has a quote on Lawford’s website promoting the book… Read more

Today we have special Thanksgiving installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. What are you grateful for this Thanksgiving if anything? 

I hate to embrace the “if anything” part of this, but it’s probably the most accurate. I’m grateful for everything, especially the ability to be an unadulterated smartass here, but that’s not exactly in keeping with the spirit of the season. So I’ll just say shoes. I only have about four pairs of shoes, but could you imagine life without them? That would suck.

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By Betsy Rothstein and Eddie Scarry

In the wake of the scandal swirling around now former CIA Director David Petraeus, we’ve decided to create a quick tip sheet for large-breasted women who are considering affairs with high-powered (some hideous) men in Washington. Here’s who not to sleep with if you’re getting that sudden urge to become a homewrecker. And for god sakes, if you must, do not ever communicate by email. (And text is probably no good either. We hear stationery may be making a comeback.)

10. Rep. Mike Rogers, Chairman of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. See his title. And repeat.

9. House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). As fun as he might be with his dry humor and bright blue eyes, there’s no doubt that at some point in the affair he would burst out crying. That’s reason enough. But there’s also the high probability that his breath is smoky and his skin feels like leather.

8. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. He’s a man of few words and he leaves stray hairs on Pepsi cans if you know what we mean. Also…if he looks this bored, really?

7. Gen. Stanley McChrystal because he’ll talk shit about you behind your back (and then tell it to a reporter). And his name is Stanley. Need we say more?

6. Former Chairman of the Federal Reserve Alan Greenspan. For one thing, there’s his wife, NBC Chief Foreign Correspondent Andrea Mitchell. She’ll kill you with one glance. And for another, does he have all his teeth? Though we recognize some people are into that sort of thing.

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MSNBC’s Chris Matthews without a ton of sleep is a sight to see. This morning he appeared on “Morning Joe” to offer his dramatic thoughts on the race — he fawned all over Mitt Romney‘s concession speech and shat on that of President Obama.

All the while, he had a distracting tuft of blond-white hair protruding out of the back of his head that made him look like something of a mental patient.

Journos and pundits felt the sting of strangers’ words last night as they covered the debate. Such is the norm these days in online media.

As Matthew Ortega (who’s he? beats us, we’d never heard of his highness before), a hip hop aficionado and a digital director in Washington, proceeded to call us “trash”, RedState Editor and CNN Contributor Erick Erickson was also taking his online beating. “You sir are an idiot,” declared Sam Cantanzaro (i.e. @samsfoodblog).

Even The Fix, WaPo‘s politically neutral blog wasn’t immune. “Losers: you,” remarked @johnspeake. To which the blog’s proprietor, Chris Cillizza, graciously replied, “Always.”

WaPo‘s Ezra Klein lashed out more generally at all pundits, even though he often straddles a delicate line of punditry, journalism and Democratic strategy. “If pundits want to say who won politically, as opposed to on substance, they should wait for polls of actual voters,” he wrote.

Of course there’s always an element of pettiness that emerges on nights like these. “John King needs a haircut. Time pressure of a campaign must be keeping him from the barber,” wrote Ari Fleischer, a bald CNN Contributor who appeared on the network last night alongside the hairy King.

And insults are a pastime. “The fact that Chris Wallace poses as a straight news reporter is a total joke,” wrote ClearChannel’s Colby Hall, referring to the “Fox News Sunday” host “What a douche.”

During the previous debate, CNN Democratic Political Contributor Paul Begala was told to get a brain and grow some hair. This time, the brilliantly named @eatmerawson remarked, “Paul Begala, you always look like you’ve just sucked on a lemon when you speak on air. Eat some more lemons sourpuss.” Eat Me Raw tagged on a smiley face for good measure.

At 11:22 p.m. Katrina vanden Heuvel of The Nation came unglued and… Read more

Quotes of the Day

“Any jackass can talk about bombing Iran.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, post debate late night.

“I think we all love teachers.” — CBS “Face the Nation” host and presidential debate moderator Bob Schieffer. This is how he firmly ended one of the segments as Mitt Romney gushed about teachers.

Important Question to Ponder: “What do I get @twitter for our 4th anniversary together?” — WaPo‘s Ed O’Keefe. Answer: A divorce. (Just kiddng with you, Ed.)

Journo’s heart warmed by Fresh Prince

“Will Smith was a groomsman in Alfonso Ribiero (aka Carlton Banks) wedding. That warms my heart #freshprince.” — ABC News’s Karen Travers.

The Relationship Expert

“Romney and Obama really don’t like each other. Reminds me of the very worse episode of Love Connection.” — “Love Connection” game show host Chuck Woolery.

Blogger declares journos’ “shallow”

“Is it too much for reporters who don’t cover and don’t have any knowledge of for policy to refrain from grading a for pol debate? #shallow” — WaPo‘s “Right Turn” blogger Jennifer Rubin.

Mom to the rescue

“My mom fact-checks that Air Force Academy basic cadets trained with bayonets this summer. Source: My sister goes there.” — Politico defense reporter Leigh Munsil.

“1st debate my mother texted she was upset Obama lost. 2nd debate texted she was happy. Now, no text. My focus group says, Viewership down?” — WaPo‘s Tim Craig.

Huh?!

“Last Nicki Minaj quote tweet was meant as a text to a friend. Sorry, at least I didn’t pull a chick from the newsroom and tweet racy pic.” — MSNBC Contributor and Daily Beast Columnist Megan McCain.

Righty writer makes fun of Specter (too soon?)

Q: “Why is the weather so wonderful today?” A: “Oh, that’s right. Arlen Specter is still dead.” — the always classy conservative writer and former TWTer Robert Stacy McCain. Former Sen. Arlen Specter died last week after a lengthy bout of cancer.

See the best in Debate Observations…and find out which D.C. insider is hanging out with Cinderella.

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Quotes of the Day

“John Feehery, in a strange way you have a point.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews on Hardball Wednesday in the rare instance when he concedes anything. Feehery works at Quinn Gillespie & Associates and regularly appears on the program.

Goddamn deep thoughts with Byron Tau

“Man, it’s only been 17 days since the last goddamn fundraising deadline. Too. Goddamn. Soon.” — Politico‘s Byron Tau.

Anonymous Tips from the past 48 hours…1. “Mormon men do not think of women as equals, butt [sic] subject to them, so he will never approve equal pay.” 2. “Romney puts women in binders and dogs on the roof of his car.”

The Jokester: “Binder? I hardly know her! ” — Democratic blogger John Aravosis.

From the Dept. of Bragiculture…

“So I am now officially Chief Economic Correspondent for POLITICO. But you can just call me ‘chief’ or ‘dude.’” — Politico‘s Ben White. We’re just relieved he resorted to ALL CAPS for our viewing pleasure. Congratulations Ben!

Commenter to the rescue! A reader calling himself (or herself) “Coconut” under FBDC’s Peter Ogburn‘s story on anti-Candy Crowley stories dominating right wing news sites Wednesday: “Candy you did an excellent job!!! Retards get over yourselves!”

The Observer

“You could say Lance Armstrong is having a pretty bad news CYCLE –> sadtrombone.com” — ABC News reporter Matt Negrin. Get it?

Reporter survives on Guinness

“I’ve been up since since 3a.m. One Guinness, and I feel like I could go another 24.” — The Washington Examiner‘s David Freddoso.

Quote Taken Out of Context

“Ana Marie Cox, let’s put it this way– they are cork-heel orange satin slingback pumps with white polka dots. They are audacious.” — GOProud Advisory Board Member Liz Mair.

Journo hailed as “national treasure”

“‘@BresPolitico is a national treasure,” an influential reader emails.’ That was awesome.” — Politico‘s James Hohmann referring to his colleague, John Bresnahan.

Congrats to Nick Massella who has been hired by BrandLinkDC, a public relations and marketing firm that engages reporters around town. He begins his new job as Public Relations Manager on Oct. 29.

Eddie Scarry contributed to this report.

Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.

1. How do you think the media in general has handled Mitt Romney winning the debate?

Like a kid walking in on their dad having sex with Santa Claus. I would have been concerned for the health of Chris Matthews, were I concerned at all about the health of Chris Matthews. MSNBC was like watching a room full of people who bet their life savings on a Mike Tyson win in the Buster Douglas fight. Looking on the bright side, it was some of the best comedy on any NBC network in a decade.

2. Do you think right-wing media is finally warming to Romney? Or is he just the best alternative for them?

You’re confusing issues. With the exception of pseudo-conservatives like David Frum and David Brooks, the right-wing has been behind Romney from the get-go. Just because their desire to beat President Obama burns with the heat of a thousands suns doesn’t mean the desire for a Romney victory doesn’t burn with the heat of 999 of them.

3. What did you think of Chris Matthews’ meltdown about Obama’s poor debate performance and his suggestion that Obama watch his show to prep for his next debate?

His leg was thrill-free and it was hilarious to watch. Saturday Night Live did a great job of mocking him over the weekend. But Chris wasn’t alone. His fraternal twin Ed Schultz was equally upset, as were identical twins Rachel Maddow and Chris Hayes. The only MSNBCer who handled himself with any semblance of self-respect that night was Al Sharpton, who went right back to “Resisting We Much” without missing a beat.

Quotes of the Day

“I like it, it’s not true, but it’s all fun.” — MSNBC’s Chris Matthews, who couldn’t stop playing SNL’s impersonator of himself on his program Monday. The impersonator accentuated Matthews’ propensity to interrupt his guests, a behavior which he somehow has no clue that he does.

Bret Baier: Losing weight or sick?

“You are looking slimmer, hopefully you’re just getting healthy and you’re not sick,” a follower wrote in to FNC’s Bret Baier. He replied, “Healthy I think — thanks.”

Bosom Buddies: Gregory is “so right there with” Hayes 

MSNBC’s Chris Hayes: “Officially, fully, totally hooked on Homeland.”

NBC’s David Gregory: “.@chrislhayes I’m so right there with you. Watched season 1 in five days.”

Quote Taken Out of Context

“I like little wieners.” — Conservative blogger Lisa De Pasquale.

Post fight with The Daily Caller‘s Jeff Poor, Politico‘s Ben White attempts to defend his Yankees fandom: “Perhaps my Tweeps can attest to the fact that I’ve been annoying them about the Yankees for quite a long time?”

Fournier admits to being dumb

“Why are you tweeting any of this? Looks dumb?” a follower wrote in to National Journal Editor-in-Chief Ron Fournier. He replied (we hope, sarcastically), “B/c I’m dumb. Why do you ask?”

Uh oh.

“I can barely breathe that is how sick I feel.” — InTheseTimes labor journo Mike Elk.

Whatever, dweeb

“That part of Twitter where reporters from various outlets start attacking each other? I’ll pass. #unfollowMonday.” — Politico‘s Marty Kady.

Peter Ogburn contributed to this report.

Today we check in with the Sunday morning political talk shows to see how many ding dongs will appear on the programs to assess the male-female ratios. As usual, NBC’s Chris Matthews always rolls in with a solid two females on his panel. The others are not always so consistent, but this week they have a decent turnout.

NBC’s “The Chris Matthews Show”: 2

Guests: John Heilemann, New York magazine; Howard Fineman, HuffPost; Kelly O’Donnell, NBC News; and Trish Regan, Bloomberg.

CBS’s “Face the Nation” With Bob Schieffer: 2 

Newt Gingrich, Michelle Rhee, Hedrick Smith, author, Bob Woodward, WaPo, Mark Zandi, economist. (Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.) will be one of the main guests appearing on the program.)

CNN’s Reliable Sources With Howie Kurtz: 2

Ana Marie Cox, The Guardian, Ramesh Ponnuru, National Review, Gregg Doyel, CBS Sports, Darrell Hammond, and Chrystia Freeland, Reuters.

NBC’s “Meet the Press” With David Gregory: 1

Ralph Reed, Chuck Todd, Katty Kay, BBC, Richard Engle, and Fmr. Gov. Ed Rendell.

ABC’s “This Week” With George Stephanopoulos: 2

Haley Barbour, Howard Dean, Donna Brazile, ABC News Contributor, Matthew Dowd, ABC News Political Analyst, and Politico‘s Maggie Haberman.