Quotes of the Day

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: “On a certain street in Cambridge, MA. (And yes, I respected their wishes.)” — CNN’s Jake Tapper.

Chelsea Handler says WHCD is a sure thing

“It’s very easy to get invited to that thing, by the way.” — E! late night talk show host Chelsea Handler on her show last night of the WHCD. She has attended the dinner in previous years.

Women pooping at work

“How did I miss this groundbreaking piece on the last great obstacle facing woman at work: finding a place to poop.” — HuffPost‘s Sam Stein, who links to The Daily Beast story. Tim Miller, executive director of the America Rising PAC, responds, “Isn’t it easier for women to poop on the sly? Unlike men they don’t have to deal with the shame of choosing stall over urinal.” And HuffPost‘s Jon Ward tells them both, “Just stop.”

Convo Between Two Journos

Today we have Reuters’ Jack Shafer and Reuters Op-ed Editor James Ledbetter. Clearly these two don’t believe in walking down the hallway to talk to each other.

Ledbetter: “You’re awfully ornery for a guy with no column ideas.”

Shafer: “Rejecting yr bad ideas does not equal having no ideas.”

Ledbetter: “And yet you have presented none.”

The Observer

“Whoever this homeless lady is talkin to she is PISSED at them. Too bad they’re not on the bus to hear her mutterings.” — BuzzFeed Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton.

Birthday shoutouts to…Sam Youngman, formerly of Reuters, and Daily Caller TV reporter Jeff Poor, whose birthday was yesterday.

Politico Playbook publish time: 8:19 a.m.

A fellow’s ‘stupid’ assumption

“I stupidly assume when someone gets assigned a beat to write about they have some knowledge of it. obviously not.” — Media Matters fellow Oliver Willis, who wasn’t done quite yet. He added: “Re: my complaining about media writers. A lot of political reporters don’t understand politics either. Saw it in 2012 campaign writing.”

Jonah Goldberg: The Stylist

“Hey @greggutfeld you need collar stays.” — NationalReviewOnline‘s Jonah Goldberg to Fox News’ Greg Gutfeld.

Meet Lisa De Pasquale, former CPAC director and blogger for Breitbart News and Townhall.

De Pasquale began her career in media at 14 years old as the “Teen Movie Critic,” a feature in the Tallahassee Democrat in her hometown of Tallahassee, Fla. Coincidentally, she’s a Republican and made her way to the conservative side of the field after attending a journalism conference in D.C. at 16.

Since then, De Pasquale has traveled with conservative author Ann Coulter (though it was on 9/11 and their planes were grounded), walked through a casino with rocker Ted Nugent and loaned conservative columnist Michelle Malkin her mascara.

She currently lives in Northern Virginia and alerts us that though she’s a board member of the gay Republican group GOProud, she’s also “straight, single and ready to mingle/participate in flirty banter in exchange for drinks and dessert. ”

Now the questions…

If you were a carbonated beverage, which would you be? One of the odd-ball ones like bacon soda or the turkey and stuffing soda they sell at Thanksgiving. You’re repulsed, but also a little curious.

How often do you Google yourself? Whenever I’m trying to find an article I wrote so I can plagiarize myself for a new article.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to an editor/boss (or vice versa)? I was told I would get fired if a memo I wrote got out. He was right.

Have you ever goofed up on air? What happened? I don’t know if counts as a goof, but before a political radio interview my then-boyfriend dared me to say “nipple” during the interview. I did AND it was in context.

Who is your favorite working journalist and why? Jake Tapper. He’s thoughtful, engages with people on Twitter and has a cute dog.

Do you have a favorite word? Schadenfreude

Who are you named after and what are people’s general reaction to your name? I was named “Lisa” because Elvis died the year I was born and his daughter’s name was very popular at the time. I get more reaction from my last name though, which means “of Easter” in Italian. Calling attendance on the first day of school always went something like this: Adams, Brown, Cooper, … Lisa…, Davis.

Who would you rather have dinner with – NBC’s Brian Williams, CNN’s Roland Martin, ABC’s Sherri Shepherd or Fox News’ Megyn Kelly? Tell us why. Megyn Kelly because there’s a greater probability that cute guys will come to our table.

The Earth’s human population is dying out and you must save it. You will spend a romantic evening with either WaPo’s George Will, NYT’s Thomas Friedman or any Fox News anchor. Who will it be? (None is not an option.) Read more

It’s been a while since we’ve checked in with Dana Perino, part of “The Five” on Fox News. These days, her twitter feed is nothing more than one long love letter to her pooch, Jasper. Even when she’s not tweeting about Jasper, she still finds a way to crowbar him in like she did earlier this week, when she tweeted, “Was asked today by a fellow dog owner at the park what I read. He was dead serious. So I told him the truth: tweets. Lots & lots of tweets.” Yes, Dana.  We get it. You love your dog.

That message has clearly been received by fans of “The Five,” because there is an account on Twitter devoted to making photoshops of the  hosts. One common subject that seems to come up over and over again is, you guessed it, JASPER! Just take a look at that cringeworthy “movie poster” for Lincoln starring Jasper Perino.

Oh, but it gets WAY worse.  Read more

Quotes of the Day

TV journo hates himself?  

“Dear Toure, I just wanted you to know I hate you. Have a nice day.” — MSNBC’s Touré.

Got questions for the President? “Last call– send me your questions for President Obama. I’ll be sitting down for an exclusive interview w/him later today.” — ABC “This Week” and “GMA” host George Stephanopoulos at the crack of dawn.

Irony is…

“When I left a daylong event focused on ideas to make the world a better place, the driver ahead of me threw 2 soda cans out his car window.” — Tracy Sefl, elite media communications specialist.

Dumbass Pitches

“I may technically be a senior editor at TNR, but please stop sending me pitches about healthy tanning.” — TNR‘s Julia Ioffe.

Gone crazy?

“I’VE BEEN DRINKING 32 OZ COKES ALL NIGHT AND I FEEL FINE SO WHATEVER, BLOOMBERG” — Slate‘s Dave Weigel, whose gut is verrry angry with him today.

The Observer: “Hey TeeVee, I’m officially tired of the chyron ‘Pope & Change.’ The Catholic Church is over 2,000 years old. Plenty of time to be clever” — National Journal “The Hotline’s” Chris Peleo-Lazar.

The Observer II: “Some days, Morning Joe is like watching a couple on the verge of divorce try to keep from destroying each other.” — The Raw Story‘s Jesse Taylor, a former internet consultant to Jerry Springer’s political group and radio show.

Washington (and others) react to ABC’s “The Bachelor” Finale

“Catherine had three months to get rid of the nose ring and get a haircut. #teamlindsey #bachelor.”  — TWT senior op-ed writer and a show diehard Emily Miller.

“Emily’s lesson from #The Bachelor? If Mr. Dreamboat is making out with several other girls on nat’l TV & telling you how special u r–run.” — Conservative radio host Laura Ingraham. (She’s not referring to Emily above, but rather Emily Maynard, former Bachelorette and former contestant on “The Bachelor.”)

Important Q to Never Ponder: “Am I the only one way more interested in seeing Sean and Lindsay together on this show – than Sean and Catherine?? #bachelor” — FNC’s Shannon Bream. Commentary’s Jon Podhoretz replied, “@ShannonBream you and Lucifer.”

“Sat across the isle from Chris Harrison of The Bachelor on a plane from Austin to L.A. A very nice guy. I understand his success.” — Libertarian activist and ex-game show host Chuck Woolery.

“Thailand sucks for getting dumped. Can’t eat thai food again without breaking down in tears. #thebachelor” — FNC’s Greg Gutfeld.

“Taking off your shoes after getting dumped…power move. You’ll be fine Linds. #Bachelor.”– Media Matters Publicist Jess Levin.

A Washington photographer converses with his dog and two journos converse about uncooked pizza.  Read more

Greg Gutfeld, host of Fox News’ “Red Eye” and co-host of “The Five,” took time off last week to care for his ailing mother, who he said on Twitter had recently undergone surgery.

Nobody knew what would transpire was a long Twitter fight and flight back to New York City with Oliver Willis, a fellow at the liberal Media Matters for America.

After Sen. John McCain‘s (R-Ariz.) appearance on Sunday’s “Meet the Press,”  in which he discussed the attack on a U.S. consulate in Libya, Willis sent out a series of sarcastic tweets about it. “Mr. President, on the morning of the attack, which aftershave did you use? Please name a specific brand,” said one tweet. “Mr. Vice President, the daily briefing says you had oatmeal that morning but you later told an aide you had cereal,” said another.

Gutfeld saw the tweets and pounced. “Hey Willis, do u have any knee-slapping tweets about Sandy Hook, you bumbling, irrelevant gasbag?” he asked.

Given that Media Matters’ sole purpose is to criticize Fox News and Fox News has long-since used the criticism as TV fodder, it’s only natural that a battle between Gutfeld and Willis ensued. Read more

Quotes of the Day — State of the Union-Fugitive Edition

SOTU quotes that are fit for a Fishbowl: “I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” — brought to our attention by HuffPost‘s Sam Stein‘s Twitter feed. It’s an old quote from former President George W. Bush. And this: “At least there’s no smoked fish joke in this one.” — Mother Jones‘ Nick Baumann.

“The outside of the Dome on SOTU night.” – Roll Call‘s Meredith Shiner with accompanying photograph.

Shut up SOTU clappers, journo wants his Zzzz’s

“Dear applauders: Please stop. I have a bedtime.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

Importantish Q to Ponder: “So… Does Senator Menendez shake President Obama’s hand as he walks in? Awkward. #SOTU” — NRSC Strategist Brad Dayspring.

Important Q to Ponder: “So does CNN break away from the burning house to do the State of the Union.” — TPM‘s Josh Marshall.

Important Q to Ponder III: “What’s the over/under on the number of Nicorette patches John Boehner has plastered all over himself right now?” — Times of London‘s Matt Spence.

THE SPEAKER AND THE LOUDMOUTH: “Luke Russert shakes Speaker Boehner’s hand as he walks to the chamber for SOTU.” — NBC House of Representatives Producer Frank Thorp. Boehner affectionately (we think) refers to Russert as the “loudmouth.”

Rothenberg crushes the spirit of political reporters

“Political reporters always incredibly excited by SOTU. Real people not so much.” — Stu Rothenberg, who writes a column for Roll Call, a publication full of political reporters. And then, oddly, he writes, “My first SOTU inside the chamber? 1970 when I was Colby College intern in Ed Muskie’s office. AA gave me ticket.” Um, hey Stu, do real people give a sh-t about this?

Speaking of excitement…

“The hallway outside Sen. Durbin’s office smells overwhelmingly of barbecue.” — Roll Call‘s Shiner of the Illinois Democrat.

And again…

“Just spoke to Gabby Giffords for the first time since the day before she was shot. She looks amazing. Twinkle in her eye and broad smile.” — CNN Chief Congressional Correspondent Dana Bash.

“Senate page just said in Statuary Hall ‘Oh my God. Kelly Ayotte is rocking the mint-green!’ I am partial to Bader Ginsberg‘s red.” — Roll Call‘s Abby Livingston.

“McCain ribbing Kerry as he walks by.” — Politico‘s Manu Raju.

“Rep. Terry Sewell is the most energetic greeter of the House! Urrybody gets a kiss and big laugh and a thousand watt smile.” — BuzzFeed Washington Bureau Chief John Stanton.

“Lots of schmoozing with former colleagues as Secy Kerry makes his way down the aisle.” — CBS White House radio correspondent Mark Knoller.

“Whoever said that politics is showbiz for ugly people was a master of understatement. Or just blind.” — Reason‘s Nick Gillespie.

“VP Biden has a scratched cornea, reports NBC, which is why he is wearing glasses.” — The Hill‘s Emily Goodin.

Politico Playbook Publish Time: 7:43 a.m.

The Jokester Caucus

• “Press will now begin attacking Rubio for drinking problem.” — USA Today‘s Paul Singer.

• “I’m sure I’m going to dislike this but at least Beyonce is performing.” — Logan Dobson, before the SOTU address began.

• “When is halftime? Where is Beyonce?” — FNC’s Greg Gutfeld.

• “Who’s the fat lump of shit next to Mrs Obama? #SOTU.” — Anthony Cumia from the Opie and Anthony radio show.

• “Marco! Pollo! Marco! Pollo! Fish out of water!” [Insert Rubio Joke Here] #Rubioing.” — Syndicated columnist and Bullfight Strategies’ Karl Frisch.

• “What’s the opposite of 5-Hour Energy? Boehner’s had two of them, at least.” — Bloomberg Business Week‘s Joshua Green.

The Critics

“Really pathetic and sad reflection on media-culture that taking a drink of water can overwhelm everything else.” — Christian Heinze, founder of Prez16.com. Seconded by NRSC Spokesman Brian Walsh, who said, “Exactly.”

Oh, but wait: “Jesus… the water sip blew the whole speech. Was on board until then but he blew it. Cue SNL.” — Jason Killian Meath, President, GOP Media Firm.

“The problem with this speech is a.) we already knew what was in it and b.) little of it is new.” — Politico‘s Ben White.

“I like Rubio’s remarks thus far, dislike the dry mouth. Get the man a water. Let’s hear some solutions.” — Conservative radio host Dana Loesch.

“Was leaning off camera to get water really better than obviously needing one?” — WCP Editor Mike Madden during the GOP response of Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.).

“Rubio keeps grabbing at his face. What’s with that?” — Baron‘s D.C. Editor James McTague.

“Huh, Chris Matthews voted for George W. Bush. You can admit that on MSNBC and still have a job? #MSNBCAfterDark” — U.S. News & World Report‘s Robert Schlesinger at 12:19 a.m.

Gratitude is…

“SOMEBODY PLEASE GIF THAT AWKWARD WATER BOTTLE GRAB, RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! wowowoowowowowoowowow” — WaPo Express’ Clinton Yates.

“Water grab! Thank God.” — ABC News’ Nico Hines.

“Rubio has serious case of drymouth. Thank god he just took a sip of water.” — Roll Call Senate Editor Emily Pierce.

Jeff Zucker, give this man a raise! 

“CNN has every story covered tonight. On CNN-US: SOTU coverage. On HLN, continuing live coverage of Calif. Manhunt.” — CNN Washington Bureau Chief Sam Feist.

Wardrobe Change

“I just changed into flats because it is SRO in the House press gallery. #SOTU” — TWT‘s Emily Miller.

The sharp-tongued observers… Read more

Quotes of the Day - the Oprah-Lance Armstrong edition.

From the Dept. of Bragiculture…

“WE BEAT GAWKER BY 25 MIN ON BANGS STORY!” — WaPo‘s Reliable Source on finally getting a story within spitting distance of another gossip outlet. The item concerned first lady Michelle Obama’s new hairstyle, which involves bangs.

The Media Observer

“Favorite line from inaug committee warning abt Metro: ‘You will have to stand in close proximity to several thousand people’” — NYT‘s Washington Deputy Bureau Chief Carl Hulse.

Editor wants Christian Mingle to leave him alone

“Dear Christian Mingle, stop sending me emails.” — Eboné Bell, Managing Editor of Tagg magazine, Hip Hop Cardio Instructor, & Founder of Capital Queer Prom.

Oprah’s masterful interview skills

“Oprah rules. She is REALLY good at this. Just a master interviewer.” — WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza. Also: “Lance is the least sympathetic apologizer possible. I feel ZERO empathy with him.”

“Oprah is a hell of a good interviewer.”– CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin.

“This is as much am exercise in journalism as confession. The packages Oprahs guys are dropping in help people who are new to the story.” — NYT‘s David Carr.

“I’m not feeling Lance but I’m loving Oprah. She is a first class interviewer.” — Washingtonian Publisher Cathy Merrill Williams.

“I love Oprahshe just goes straight in! #BOOM” — Essence and theGrio columnist Sophia Nelson.

The Best of… on Oprah & Lance

“Oprah tells crowd to look under their chairs where they discover rotten vegetables to throw at Lance. That interview I would watch.” — Reuters‘ Sam Youngman.

“Every asshole should get to do an interview with Oprah.” — New York Daily News‘ Josh Greenman.

“Mike Wallace would have filleted Lance Armstrong like a fish.” — Politico‘s Roger Simon.

(Fake Oprah Question): “Did you ever have sex with a dead wizard’s body for magical powers?” “Yes” — The Guardian and Salon freelancer Jim Newell during the “yes or no” only portion of the interview.

“For the judging media, remember the ‘culture’ that allows for enhancements that help your job (whisky, Adderoll, whisky).” — FNC’s Greg Gutfeld.

“I read his book, I supported LiveStrong- so awful to watch him tonight – he seems mostly sorry he got caught!” — NBC4′s  Doreen Gentzler.

“So Lance’s drug use was real and Manti’s gf was fake. Got it.” — USA Today’s Jackie Kucinich.

“I feel like this is a public therapy session.” — CNN AC360′s Devna Shuka.

“If I’ve learned anything from this Lance Armstrong interview, it’s he’s a high school girl. Stab you in the back without breaking a sweat.” — Social Media Editor for NBC Washington Cheryl Thompson.

“If Lance Armstrong cared about ratings, he would have done interview on 60 Min. Not a cable network nobody watches.” — Alex Conant, U.S. GOP Sen. Marco Rubio‘s press secretary.

“You did not just make a fat joke to Oprah.” — Lizzie O’Leary, whose Twitter bio says simply, “apsiring Hildy Johnson.”

“When does Oprah roll out the wagon of fat?” — ClearChannel‘s Colby Hall. Also: “First clue that I am not on one of my regular viewing channels: seeing ads referencing transvaginal mesh.”

“Fun continuity game: watch water levels in Lance & Oprah water glasses for edit jumping. Straws are an odd touch, too.” — Politico‘s Steve Friess.

Daily Caller reporter takes nasty swipe at CNN’s Piers Morgan...

Read more

Strangely enough, when Fox News’ Greg Gutfeld smiles, he looks just like Sen. Roy Blunt, the junior Republican senator from Missouri. Stay focused on their mouths. Gutfeld may also have a strain of Alfred E. Newman in him. Have a look.

Every so often, we like to check in with Dana Perino of Fox News to see what she’s sharing with the world. Most of the time, Dana is tweeting about her son dog, Jasper.

Let’s just get right to it, shall we? Here’s one of the most bizarre pictures of the dog that Dana has EVER tweeted with the caption, “He must have realized what ‘getting tutored by the vet on Tuesday’ really means.” I can honestly say that I have no idea what she’s trying to say. Did she mean neutered? Does she think Jasper really knows? Why did she show us yet another a doggie-porn-crotch-shot of her canine?

It only gets weirder… Read more

Quotes of the Day

“600 sheep must have died to make that fleece.” — FNC “The Five’s” Greg Gutfeld regarding New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s pullover. Gutfeld recently received a sexist award from the Women’s Media Center for referring to Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz as “Frizzilla.” We think this proves that he’s as much anti-fat people as he is against women with bad hairdos.

Politico producer looking for ding dongs

“Anyone got a box of Hostess Ding Dongs that they’re looking to get rid of?” — Politico‘s Caitlin Emma.

Convo Between Two Journos

Bloomberg Business Insider‘s Joshua Green: “U a dope who paid $500 for Twinkies thinking they were going extinct? DM me for a trend piece.” HuffPost‘s Sam Stein:” I did (is this how u use dm?)”

Question NEVER to ponder: “Is it a law of Chapstick buying that you will lose your chapstick within 7 seconds of buying it? Or is that just me?” – U.S. News & World Report‘s Jason Koebler. Pssst Jason…it’s just you!

Is Sherri Shepherd leaving The View?

“Need to ask for a job application @HomeGoods – as much merchandise as I moved its only fitting I go back and help clean up!” — ABC “The View’s” Sherri Shepherd.

Quote Taken Out of Context

“@TheFix Your bottle of Sex Panther cologne has just been Amazon-ed.” — Politico‘s White House Correspondent Glenn Thrush to WaPo‘s Chris Cillizza.

Journo tries to lure journos to event via Petraeous

“Gen. Petraeus is coming to ‘Politics and Pints’ tonight. Are you? (Ok, he isn’t. But you still should.)” — WaPo‘s Cillizza, trying hard to get people to attend his Politics and Pints trivia night at the Cap Lounge.

Following the mistress: a pointless practice?

“I fail to see the journalistic benefit in following Paula Broadwell wherever she goes.” — Mother Jones blogger Adam Serwer.

Journo wonders about journo posture

“Standing desk types: How do you square with laptop use? Standing up, but laptop means bad posture, head angle.” — Politico‘s Patrick Gavin.

Obama and Boehner: Black and Tan

“Obama and Boehner are working on their new budget compromise, a Black & Tan.”  — Conservative Commentator and author Ann Coulter.

Journo becomes his father and Trump offers yet another useless opinion…
Read more