Today we have another installment of: “Ask Piranhamous Anything.” And we do mean anything. Send your queries to FishbowlDC@mediabistro.com. This isn’t an advice column — Piranhamous doesn’t know what the hell you should do with your life any more than you do — and worse, he doesn’t care. Try to keep your questions short — we want to keep this fun, simple and insightful.
1. “Special Report with Bret Baier.” How fucking special can something be if it occurs for an hour each and every day? That’s not special. Christmas is special. Your birthday, Dear Piranahmous, is special, because it comes but once a year.
How culturally insensitive! Christmas isn’t special to those who don’t celebrate it, birthdays aren’t special to Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Special Report isn’t special to fans of Al Sharpton or people who watch whatever is on CNN at that time (I don’t know what show it is and ratings indicate no one knows what show it is). You’re right, the word “special” is overused these days. I’d peg the blame on the DVD. One all the Charlie Brown specials came out of DVD and kids could watch “The Great Pumpkin” in July, it was no longer special. That said, there is no “line” in Nightline, but no one complains about that. And NBC’s Night News barely has any actual “news” some days and airs in the evening, not the night. We could take this to the extreme or we could just accept that it’s a name and not give a shit. I choose the latter.
2. What’s this crap about the “Liberal Media” and how it’s so dominant? Last time I checked, the top cable news channel was Fox News. The top newspaper by circulation was The Wall Street Journal. And the top talk radio hosts were those well-known commies Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. Dominant liberal media my ass.
Compared to the number of people who watch network news, the amount of viewers who watch Fox could fit in a clown car (I’ll let you make your own joke there). So to say there is no liberal media because they’re the tallest cable news midget is a false comparison. Same goes for the Wall Street Journal. Yes, the editorial page of the Journal leans right, but studies have shown the news pages don’t. And even if they did, who gives a shit? It’s quantity, not content. For every WSJ there’s a Times, Post and whatever other stupid names newspapers give themselves. It’s like a nation winning the most gold medals at the Olympics but losing the overall medal count – when the tally is done liberal newspapers and liberals newscasts outnumber the WSJ and Fox total numbers of organizations and readers/viewers. So you take your attitude and stick it in your butt, mister!