Jon Stewart: Yes, he is glad to see us

Tonight’s Daily Show might as well have been filmed on the old set: banter with pretty movie-star guest, lighthearted news stories, hilarious sight gags, double entendres, and a minimum of agenda-pushing political talk. Where’s the couch when you need it?

Jon Stewart begins with noting that some people were displeased with his kid-glove handling of Senator Rick Santorum the previous night. Well, yeah Jon; if you want us to give you credit for taking the small-fish Bernie Goldbergs to task, then you’re gonna have to ante up with some cojones when you’ve got the big fish on the hot seat. You can’t make fun of Lance Armstrong’s uno cojone when you keep yours so firmly tucked away. I’m just sayin’.

Either way, I still love you for the opening segment: CNN American Morning’s Miles O’Brien and guest Scott “Doc” Horowitz fondle giant shuttle models which stand at attention on their laps. “I’m not saying Miles O’Brien isn’t enormous…ly talentd, well-endowed with scientific knowledge, rock-hard reporter’s credentials,” said Jon, “But COME ON! That just looked like bragging to me.”

Jon went on to pity Horowitz for his dinky little rocket, especially next to Miles’ great big towering one, erect, glorious and unashamed.
Horowitz, forced to overcompensate with “a lot of technical jargon, that is not impressing anyone quite frankly” raised an important issue for Stewart: “As a Jewish person I hate to see Horowitz reduced to a humiliating stereotype. Especially when O’Brien put the nail in the coffin with this move” – (cut to O’Brien flicking the puny tip of Horowitz’s puny rocket) – “look at that, he just DISMISSES IT! HE JUST DISMISSES IT LIKE IT’S NOTHING! ‘Get it out of here.’” Poor Jon. Don’t worry, we still think you’re huge….ly funny, even if you did wimp out on Santorum.

Jon admits that it’s a bit cheap to show the videotape out of context. What else are we gonna think? With sound, he says, it’s very informative:

MILES: I’m sure if you had the oppoortunity you’d take a ride on one of those.
HOROWITZ: Couple million pounds of thrust to get you going…
MILES: That’s saying something.
HOROWITZ: (smiling dreamily) That’s a big one. You can be telling folks about getting strapped into this vehicle!
MILES: That’d be all right.

Jon giggles into his hand, looking very pleased with himself. He should be, he just made me fall in love with Miles’ O’Brien.

Diane Lane loves dogs, NASCAR goes girly and yet another reason to love Canada after the jump.

The rest of the Daily Show can be summed up in convenient bullet-point form:

It’s the “Summer of the Backpack” and jobless hipsters are cool with it.

A 360-ft underground pot tunnel was discovered under the British Columbia-Washington border. Canada: we’re all about good times, people.

NASCAR goes all girly with a Garnier-Fructis sponsored car.
Samantha Bee, who as we all know hails from pot-loving Canada, reports on the “Fru Crew,” interviewing diehard NASCAR fan Greg Wallace who takes issue with the frou-frou sponsorship (despite admitting to have “taken a few laps around the track”). NASCAR: gayer than ever.

Lewis Black is back with “Back in Black,” rocking harder than a reality-TV music-journalist wannabe (or, dare we say, a warbly blogger at a book party). He talks about race, invoking RNC heartthrob Ken Mehlman’s recent appearance before the NAACP to apologize for the Republican party’s attempt “decades-old Southern strategy of race-baiting” in the South. Black: “I would have sent the black congressional delegation, but he retired.” Black notes that Mehlman’s boss President Bush has declined to speak at the NAACP for the past five years due to “scheduling conflicts”. This is true, he says – Bush has been busy: scheduling conflicts! Clevah.

Meanwhile, the widow of Black Panther leader Dr. Huey P. Newton has trademarked the phrase “Burn Baby Burn” from the Watts Riots for her new brand of hot sauce. Cracks black: it’s bound to be more successful than other Sixties group Hell’s Angels’ “If you can read this, the bitch fell off” tartar sauce. Racist stamps in Mexico and actual camel jockeys round out the mix. What a world.

Jon swore that Diane Lane was “going down” at the top of the show but he was as soft on her as he was on Santorum. She looks great, and actually does look a little voluptuous, in a good way. She took the imperative of her movie “Must Love Dogs” (with a pretty-voluptuous-looking-himself John Cusack) and got a cute little pup. For the record, I never saw the big deal about Lloyd Dobler. I mean, he stood on Diane Court’s lawn with a boombox blasting tunes at midnight. Hello, stalker? Chill, Lloyd. That said, I will still gladly accept a mix CD from any of you with a fluttery heart.

Moment of Zen: Miles and Horowitz fondle their rockets again, just for kicks. Miles, I love you.

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