When I was still doing party reporting, I used to go to a lot of movie premieres. If movie premieres have permanent seating charts, they're always the same: Row X = Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Eric Alterman, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity, Hollywood celebrity. In fact, the last few times I've seen Alterman out socially it's either been at a celebrity-infested function or an event hosted by Tina Brown. (But I suppose that's redundant.)

All of which begs the question: are the celebrities required to have master's degrees in American History to interact with Alterman? Or are the intellectual requirements inversely proporational to the status of the celebrity in question? (For instance: Could Madonna get away with only having written a ninth grade book report on Democracy in America while Andy Dick needs to have written a 763-page dissertation on Marxist sublimations in 19th Century West Virginian Shaker eschatology?)

Related: The inexplicable NNDB classifies Alterman's "Level of Fame" as "Somewhat."

You're Not Good Enough to Fetch Eric Alterman's Dry Cleaning [Gawker]